When I turned 18, there was a casino about 2 hours away on a reservation that I could get into. We'd get paid on Friday night, head to the gas station near us that would cash a paycheck, pile into my crappy little Ford, then make the drive. We'd get there a little before midnight and everyone had their own game.
The second time we went, one of my friends was hypnotized by the craps table. There were 16 players standing around this sea of green, and every minute or so, you could hear them screaming at the top of their lungs like they just won a million dollars. On the way home that night, I taught him everything I learned from books I'd read about the different bets. "Smart" bets where the house edge was only 1.4%, all the way down to the risky ones where the house edge was over 10% (meaning that for every $100 wagered, you should expect to lose $10).
The next time we went, we hung around the table, trying to figure out the right way to bet. It seemed a little complicated, so we tried other games. At the end of the night, I had the last $10 and he asked if he could borrow it to go place a bet. I handed it over, then went to the bathroom in preparation for the ride home. When I finally found him again, he had a stack of chips in front of him. He had been gone for about 5 minutes and already turned $10 into a few hundred. Well, if you can turn 10 into 100, you can turn 100 into 1,000 just as easily. We left empty handed that night, but I'll never forget the rush.
I loved blackjack. I learned how to play at an early age from my uncle, who would always cheat and take my money. He'd say "I just taught you a very valuable lesson." He actually taught me two: 1) if you play against a casino, you may have a good night and win thousands of dollars, but if you keep going back, you'll eventually have nothing left. 2) My uncle was a scumbag who continually cheated and took my money, then told the family I was a poor sport and they couldn't understand why I hated doing anything with him. One of my earliest memories at the casino was running $100 at the blackjack table into $3000, which is more than I made in a month of bussing tables. I went home, paid my rent and blew the rest on useless things I can't even remember.
What does any of this have to do with $GME? Well I'm still chasing the same high as I was when I was 18. I don't go to the casino anymore, but I've got something even better on my computer. I bought $2k worth of weeklies on Jan 25. Before everything crashed, they were worth over $100k, more than enough to fix most of the problems I've caused in my life. BUT, I was still standing around that craps table. The roller had just made his 30th point in a row, $GME was on fire and couldn't possibly roll a 7! I put my 2k back in my pocket and shoved the rest on the pass line. A few minutes later, the croupier inevitably yells "7 out!" and just like that, I'm back to nothing.
Now I do what every moron around the table does. You reach back into your pocket, pull out the 2k and make a deal with your maker. "Just let it happen one more time. I won't be greedy THIS time and I'll stop when I hit 50k." I stop looking at the smart bets and start eyeing the center of the table, where hard ways are paying 10:1. Yeah, that'll be how I get back to 50k. A couple of those in a row and I can put a down payment on a house. 5 minutes later, I'm on my way out to the car and I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Again.
Every one of you in this subreddit is another person sitting at the casino. Everyone has their game. The people holding $GME stonks right now? You're playing baccarat. If you've never heard of it, it's what James Bond plays in the old movies. It's about the most boring thing you can do. Two hands are dealt and you're betting on which one wins before anything happens. There's no actual skill and it's the same thing as betting heads or tails, while losing 1% of your bet every time.
The people who cashed out and picked something else like $AMC or $BB? Those are the slot players. You had a big hit and now you're going to switch machines because the other ones are "due". You're looking for the exact same magic, thinking there was something smart in your play, when it was really just dumb luck in timing.
The people saying "If Daddy Elon or Cowboy Cuban gets in, we can trigger a squeeze!" You're the guy who spent too much money in the first 20 minutes of the trip and now you're begging everyone else for a loan.
Tldr: Nothing is happening with $GME. Stop saying "tomorrow is the day." Billionaires are not coming to bail you out. If institutional investors come in, they're waiting for this constant downhill slide to end at where the stock belongs, probably around $20. You can't trigger shit by holding. The HFs will outlast you.
Edit: Screenshots from the worst 40 minutes of my financial life https://imgur.com/a/MlTRJmx
Edit 2: JFC, some of you are takin WSB way too seriously. You should not be using reddit for DD. Also, this is not financial advice. Don't take financial advice from someone who tells you stories about chasing highs at casinos.
Edit 3: This is WSB, my dudes. I'm glad most of you were entertained by my story. For the few of you who got that worked up by a random stranger on the internet telling you that he's a degenerate, you may actually have a problem. https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/

I want to preface that the contents of this post is for informational purposes. I do not condone or approve of any harassments or witch-hunting or the attacking of anybody.
 
Richard Lewis recently did a stream talking about the terrible state of CS esports and I thought it was an important stream anyone who cares about the CS community should listen to.
Vod Link here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/830415547
I realize it is 3 hours long so I took it upon myself to create a list of interesting points from the stream so you don't have to listen to the whole thing, although I still encourage you to do so if you can.
I know this post is still long but probably easier to digest, especially in parts.
Here is a link to my raw notes if you for some reason want to read through this which includes some omitted stuff. It's in chronological order of things said in the stream and has some time stamps. https://pastebin.com/6QWTLr8T

Intro

• "The last month has convinced me, that we are going to be heading into a dark place for Counter-Strike esports in 2021."
  • "I think I've seen the scene essentially kill itself."
• "For the past 5 to 6 years, we've basically been in a holding pattern of people coming into our game wanting to run it, wanting to run all of the esports and wanting to profiteer and its been sort of a concerted effort to drive them off and push them away."
  • "We're spread way too thin."
• "If Riot don't get involved and stop the scumbags that have moved over to Valorant from getting their feet under the table, Valorant is going to have real problems."
• RL thinks too much has happened all at once for us to do anything except watch it play out, like:
  • Recent CSPPA strike against BLAST
  • ESIC failures and them not being supported enough
  • Teams cheating i.e. coaches/bugs
  • Widespread match fixing
  • The Pandemic
    • "People who try to hold bubble events are so incompetent and fuck up and people get the 'rona and its their fault."
    • "People who say Flashpoint is a bubble is full of shit and is a lie and people are now suffering for that lie."
      • "To save money they let people go home and break the bubble for a week."
      • "Not just Flashpoint peoples decision, they have a partner that handles the production." (hinting FACEIT)
      • "People are trapped in hotels essentially under house arrest because of COVID restrictions and has fucked peoples lives up."
• "It's all too much, all of this incompetence, all of this greed, maybe we ride it out."
  • RL says he has talked to the Riot devs (the ones working on Valorant) and says, "They are so cognizant of all the fuck ups and all the problems we have in Counter-Strike."
    • He continues to say that this is factored into their business plan and that we never had a competitor, but just so happens to have one coincide, when we are at our worst.

CSPPA - Counter-Strike Professional Players' Association

"Who does this union really fucking serve?"

• RL believes that the CSPPA is a mockery.
  
  • He points out the hypocrisy that they wouldn't strike for the pros who were kicked out of ESL Pro League, or for Jamppi or dream3r.
    • He also says ESL paid CSPPA and are racketeering and many other TOs have to pay them to get their "seal of approval"
      • He says they would strong-arm TOs saying "well if you don't give us the money, these guys are so we'll just have to commit to playing their event."
    • Also points out that they will strike against a competitor they are not in agreement with (Flashpoint)
    • RL: "It's what it says about every other time you haven't done it and it's about every time you don't do it now moving forward." "The issues they've chosen to ignore this year alone are embarrassing."
    • Then he points out that there was no strike for Valve qualifiers even if we have no major but Jamppi and dream3r can't play in them.
      • "and Valve have said 'Oh yeah we know actually their stories are accurate, Jamppi didn't cheat, now in a legally binding document. Yep dream3r did have his account hacked in a LAN café', but they still can't play. Where is the fucking solidarity? Gone. Doesn't exist. It's not important [because] it doesn't affect you." "That's what the union does right now, it looks after all the tier 1 people."
• He says the CSPPA doesn't represent all players all the time and has driven a divide where you have the haves and have-nots
  
  • "We have a tier of players that operate with impunity and do not help their tier 2 or tier 3 players out at all." "If you are not a tier 1 player you do not matter, they don't event ask your opinion."
  • He tells chrisJ to admit and own the fact that the reason he didn't speak up during the ESL Pro League debacle is because it didn't affect him
  • "They are looking after some players at the expense of other players. How the fuck is that a union?"
• He says the BLAST situation is a reasonable dispute and supports the players but is not the right time for a strike and have not even identified the correct enemy
  
  • He thinks players are lashing out now due to previous incidents and are upset that BLAST are working with ESIC
    • He stated that CSPPA shouldn't beefing with ESIC and they should be working in harmony
  • He says what they need to do is talk with the teams/organizations that have sold that right to BLAST
    • RL: "Your employers, the people who pay you that massive exorbitant salaries, when you don't stream and you don't do interviews and you offer no value beyond your ability to click heads and you get 25k dollars a month." "Why don't you talk to them about it? Oh right. You're happy to take away BLAST's paper, but you don't want to risk your own."
  • "I am seeing such unbelievable cowardice from the players here with the battles you choose."
  • "Where was the strike action when in the qualifiers for the world championship, there were teams and players engaged in huge conflicts of interest?" "Where was the strike action when your image rights were taken and sold to every league you've ever been in every union type organization you've ever been associated with like, WESA, to your org every time you sign a contract, to the leagues you play in."
    • "Your image rights are essentially worthless now, there's about 10 fucking separate parties that have them, and how many of them are giving you anything for it? Not much pretty much your org by the way."
    • "That's a big issue. Your image is you, your image is your brand. What are you doing about that? Nothing."
• He is also angry at SirScoots who is "popping off" at people on Twitter who all want the same thing, which is 'A unified Counter-Strike scene for everybody, that works for everybody, that has a sustained ecosystem that nourishes everybody.' "We don't have that now."
  
• He also says their rankings are a joke
  
  • "Just so happened, oh look TACO, that very important prominent member of the board, we pushed his team artificially up when they weren't even in the fucking top 20, not by a long shot."
• He also says the ineptitude of the CSPPA cost Flashpoint a monitor sponsor
  
• "Is it really a player association or is it like a fucking agency at this point"
  

ESIC - Esports Integrity Commission

"They have been put in an impossible position."

• RL says that Ian Smith, the founder of ESIC and who was done work in mainstream sports, is a good and honorable man who has dedicated his life to integrity and sports. He takes on both sides, ensuring match fixers are punished, but also doing appeals and ensuring those punishments were fair.
• "ESIC is a tiny organization" and are in need of money, "They didn't run a grift like the CSPPA did."
  • "Saying 'you want our support and you want the players to turn up you better pay us.' They don't do that."
  • "Had startup seed money from MTG and since then they've been pecking shit with the hens."
    • Ian Smith made sure that the money given by MTG (Modern Times Group, parent company of ESL, ESEA, DreamHack) was nothing more than startup money and wouldn't be in debt to them
      • Ian Smith sat down with other TO's not part of MTG and wanted to partner with them. They declined and called ESIC "ESL spies and we will never align ourselves with you"
  • "They only were just able to afford, hiring a PR guy on a full time salary to deal with the press and send out those releases you've seen, this year."
    • "They have a tiny group of staff investigating these things and they have taken on the biggest problems in our scene: the cheating, the match fixing."
• ESIC have had "unprecedented levels of cheating to deal with, because there's something wrong with our scene ever since we went online. There's something wrong with it, everyone's lost their fucking pride and self-respect and they got no passion for it anymore, so they think fuck it, what's in it for me?"
  • He calls out coaches who are talking about players rights when they would rob and steal from them.
    • Also says more coaches being banned are coming
    • He also points out flaws in community's reaction to the punishments to coaches bans: "Half of the cunts still have jobs and some of the cunts got new jobs. We didn't even shun the cheating coaches."
• ESIC have "found I think another 2 or 3 exploits like that one and they are investigating them all right now, it's going on right now."
  
  • "I know that there are going to be more names getting banned, again."
  • "So they're doing that on a skeleton crew while, investigating 3 continents worth of match fixing in MDL and semi-pro level CS." "They're doing this with half a dozen people." "They don't have any money or any help. People barely even fucking cooperate with them, they are treated like pariahs. It's ridiculous."
    • "Why are the CSPPA popping off at ESIC on my Twitter timeline, when you should be working together." "because its all about what's in it in for me." "2020, the online era of CS: 'What is in it for me?' How can I cheat, how can I get my paper, how can I bleed this scene one last time before I fuck off and play shooty shooty bang bang Riot Games babys first fps."
• RL says that in the CIS region, teams have gone to tournaments and have been eliminated multiple times by the same team. We found out they were cheating and those players who lost, have been cut from their roster, careers ended because of cheaters.
  

Stream Sniping

"They're all at it in the online era, they're all at it, they're all cheating, they're all using exploits, probably that see through smoke bug got used a bunch of times"

• RL talks about how there is no integrity from dead (the player), always denying when caught doing something
  • On the topic of 'BLAST never said we couldn't stream snipe': "Lies, BLAST never said you could do that, they had to sort of retcon it." "because what happened after that they fucking started snitching and squealing"
    • "Suddenly you had like, 10 of the top 15 teams in the world, staring into the abyss of being banned for 6-12 months in line with ESIC recommendations."
      • He says that ESIC was put in a tough situation and couldn't enforce the bans because it would have resulted in killing CS. What resulted was, BLAST, ESIC, and teams came together and gave them a warning and told them, in RL's words "don't do this again or you're gonna get got."
        • He then says the top teams brushed this off and didn't give a fuck
        • The new MiBR team playing Flashpoint, that wasn't involved in the previous incidents are doing it again (stream sniping). He gave credit to Flashpoint for the quick resolution and punishment and respect for cogu's response to the situation.
        • "ESIC came out and said, once more, 'Guys, zero tolerance from now on.'" RL then got upset at community's reaction calling ESIC "pussies" for their non enforcement and said if we want competitive CS we cant ban the top 10 teams.
• He points out how players have no integrity and will do anything for an edge as long as they won't get detected or banned or it's within a grey area.
• "All of this shit was mad avoidable, even in the pandemic era."
  • He talks about why aren't we filming them. Why aren't there representatives for leagues and tournaments making sure players aren't cheating?

Match Fixing

"How many years have we let our scene be fucking pillaged by these greedy cunts?" "We just let it happen."

• RL says that gambling and skins betting which existed in moderation was "accelerated and blown up by the Call of Duty greedy fucks."
  • "Never forget TmarTn was on the board of EnVyUs." "His website, CSGOLotto, they had a bunch of off-the-books sponsorships." "NBK promoted them. People forget."
• "Those people who had access to the skins, go to the players" "Even people like s1mple, best player in the world, even he scammed knives and skins off fucking fans."
• Owners of skin casino sites would approach pros and lend them skins to use in tournaments and possibly keep them after reaching a deal
  • Players would tip off inside info about matches and teams in exchange for skins. Info such as: roster changes, how they played in scrims
    • They would use this info to bet and subvert the odds on their sites. "That happened religiously, I can't even tell you how many times it happened."
      • "I had access to the biggest database of information, from an inside betting circle in NA, and it would take information and screenshots from other pro players, who were feeding them info in exchange for money or skins."
        • "Some of these players are still playing." "Incredibly, there are players still in the CSPPA today, complaining about the BLAST recordings, that were embroiled in this murky shit back then."
• RL also says that there were tournaments where teams contrived with each other, who should throw, who should win.
• "There's a handful of people that are trying to fucking clean it up, and you think you get something over the line and you see something like the CSPPA and it's run by corrupt fucking chuckle heads, and now you've got another corrupt body you have to fight on a fucking daily basis, it's demoralizing."
  • "It's too far gone. Our entire semi-professional scene is compromised."
• "It's rife guys, I'm not going to lie any more. It's not just China, it's not just Russia, it's here, it's NA, it's Europe, it's Australia, so much more than you think, so much more than we can prove."
  • "I get sent chat logs all the time […] and they're morons, these players, short-sighted, amateur, morons and they're doing it on WhatsApp." People would get cut from the bets because they want to make more money, then they leak the logs. He says, from the chat logs, they spread "little" bets across every site they can (400 to 1k dollars) to prevent shifting odds
• He says the scumbags who've fucked off to Valorant will do the same there if Riot doesn't do something and says Valorant "is an esports scene heading for a very early fall based on the sheer volume of scumbags that are already there."
• "That's tier 2 CS in a nutshell these days. They know they're never going to play in a major, so what's the punishment?"
  • "All of these tier 2 fucks that are fixing games now they are like the fucking mafia compared to iBuyPower" "These guys are working with organized criminals to fix entire seasons worth of games. That's what's going on in your tier 2 CS."
• "I'm literally being told that there are players fixing games at all levels of Chinese esports and motherfuckers with guns are turning up to team houses and stuff."

North America

"Everyone in NA has left we've lost a continents worth of support during this pandemic and Valve haven't said a fucking word."

• RL says the Call of Duty "goblins" that destroyed CS for years are the same people who are now trying to leave CS. "The nerve to treat a game where the fans, and the community, and the TO's were nothing but good to you." "To just kick the players out now and go and leave and say 'It just doesn't make financial sense.' Oh you'll slither back when we have a major though for them stickers won't you."
• There's a cascading effect in NA where people don't bother with CS anymore and people like Chaos suffer.
• He says NA team owners are incompetent for always wanting it easy and always wanting a guarantee on their investment without skill or nuance.
  • RL says he would be able to market a team correctly and would have a good ROI and also points out how TSM wouldn't even be bothered to tweet that their team, which was one of the best in the world, was playing at the Major.
  • He also says not all NA owners are like that, compliments and respects Jason Lake who nearly lost everything to keep Complexity going.
• He then calls out the incompetence in Infinite Esports when they acquired OpTic Gaming and bought an Indian CS team.
  • He says HECZ is not to blame here and that they couldn't tell forsaken was cheating when it was so obvious.
    • They measured his reaction time to the likes of dev1ce and s1mple
    • When an enemy showed up on his screen he won that duel something like 44% of the time
    • "was like the number 1 player in the world statistically"
    • He brought a laptop to their bootcamp and refused to use the high end PCs that hey provided
• He respects Andy Miller (NRG CEO) and HECZ but says that the attitude of not being able to easily monetize their teams is "piss weak" and there needs to be a risk.
  • He says Chaos EC shouldn't be cutting their roster and should be competent enough to be able to figure out how to make money off their team.
• He says there are still opportunities in NA and people are panicking and pulling out, and says Valorant will be the same if not worse.
  • He also says "bums" who couldn't even get out of groups in NA competitions, are making crazy money in Valorant and says it will continue to inflate.
• He also said that he heard rumors that EG (Evil Geniuses) are done.
• He also thinks that the rumors of a Valve franchised league from before was sparked up from "these lazy fabled weak NA fucking team owners basically trying to see if Valve would bite at the hook if it was dangled and they didn't"
  • Slasher says NA team owners are really in favor of franchised leagues because they want to make more money. "Most of the powerful team owners right now are on board with ditching this third party organization structure, or they are trying to play this power politics with all the TOs, and that is contributing to a lot of the problems there"
• RL says that Riot has proved they can run a franchised league (LCS) and will be profitable in 2021 which is what a lot of team owners care about and says the competition will only serve to snatch people away from CS.
• RL continues to say, "I am so sick and tired of what we have done to this scene, I am just exhausted with it." "I think we have legitimately fucked it, I really think we have. I think we're staring into almost like a CGS (Championship Gaming Series) wasteland in NA." "Counter-Strike esports is a fucking joke."

Talent

"TO's have treated CS talent like absolute human garbage for years now."

• RL says that people like Sean Gares and ddk switching over to Valorant isn't for financial reasons because they are making less over there.
• He points out that TO's can't even give talent a 3 month in advance calendar.
• Because of the pandemic TO's won't hire certain people and some people are working more hours for the same money.
• He says we as a community don't respect journalists enough which is why we don't have good journalists.
  • He also says DeKay is leaving the scene soon and that Thorin is close to leaving also
• He says he had to talk a caster down from quitting and was struggling to find reasons.
• He says that DreamHack told Vince they would hire him but not if he wants to stick with dusT and says that this is the norm in esports. "Constant leveraging of people against each other." and says this is why we don't have a talent union.
• New gen casters are getting put into shit situations and the community's reaction to them is adding fuel to the fire
• He says the reason Moses left was because of the terrible conditions
• He says that Anders had to constantly leave his family and kid because someone fucked up or broke promises and had to constantly tell his kid to their face that "daddy can't be home this weekend."
• He says that esports has always been a lie to sell you this dream, "Meanwhile there's about 2% of the cunts getting all the checks."

Valve

"Anything that Riot does, is better than Valve's inaction"

• Slasher says that the larger aspect of esports as a whole compared to other entertainment mediums and Valve's lack of inattention are the bigger problems. He continues saying that the fact that Valve let their game be ran as an esport, they need to take on the responsibilities of it.
  • Both Slasher and RL wants Valve to take control but not on the level of Riot Games, there needs to be a balance.
• In case it was ever a question: Gabe Newell has been to 0 CSGO Majors.
• RL calls Valve out saying they could have done something during the gambling era.
• He says Valve used to come to the majors, but doesn't think they do anymore.
• RL had met with Valve at the Cluj-Napoca Major and had tried to appeal iBP's indefinite punishment and had also gave Brax's life story:
  • A recent family member passed away, they had lost a lot of income, they had to live in trailer, iBuyPower did not pay any salaries, and was pressured by family to make money who didn't support his career.
  • RL said that Valve told him, "How dare you try and make us feel guilty." "We shouldn't feel bad about enforcing the only thing that matters that we need to make players afraid of: cheating and match fixing"
  • RL also tried to share other info about match fixing and nothing came of it
• RL points out that Source 2 or a new engine is not something you will want based on the experience of transitioning from CS 1.6 to CS:S. "Valve's track record with brand new engines being launched, not fucking great from what I remember."
• Slasher says "If there is anything the community should do, is pressure Valve to hire a community manager."
  • They say that we need a commissioner, a community manager (not the person who runs the Twitter who posts memes all day), then we need to have a circuit
• RL reiterates that Valve doesn't care about CS esports and says they need to change the culture at Valve to make them care about CS esports
  • Slasher says a systemic problem is making it so working on CSGO would be a bad decision for you as an employee for Valve
• He also hasn't talked to Valve in ages and have sent over bugs and cheats and doesn't get emails back anymore
• Slasher says we should be directing attention at the developer leads, pointing out Ido Magal, if he even is still the project lead
  • RL thinks that Ido and Brian are the only people that "vaguely even give a fuck about CS" and were the only people that RL recalled that actually read Reddit and paid attention from time to time
• "It is really fucking precarious. Somebody has got to step the fuck up and start giving a shit"
  • Slasher suggests org owners, with CSPPA, with ESIC, with TOs have a concerted effort against Valve
• "Riot Games are doing better things than Valve in the esports space" which is something RL didn't think he'd say.
• "People who used to be talent, working with unions, arguing with other talent, when the unions fucked them over, can't understand their perspective, TOs fucking over broadcast talent, broadcast talent wanting to leave and go and work for orgs, orgs having no money, Valve might take coaches away because all the coaches are cheating, ESIC has about 4 people in a fucking call doing the investigations, everyone thinks they're spies for ESL, ESL are just the evil fucking overlords wanting to rule the scene and will just somehow, like cockroaches outliving a nuclear bomb, and Valve are in a fucking holiday in Hawaii thinking about the next Dota character because they don't give a fuck about us."

Closing Statements

"We've peaked. If we want to sustain and exist, now is the time to figure it out. No esports lasts as long as this, we've already done 8 years. We've already broke the records. We have got to figure out a way to coexist and drive the negative forces out and we need to do it as a collective and we're not doing that."

• RL compared the Counter-Strike scene to the people on the Titanic who ran around with guns robbing people while the boat was sinking.
• "We have given up on being a respectable esports scene." "We are now a conduit to make money for those who want to just milk it, just have one last ride, one last roll of the dice. It's done." "What a fucking mess. What have we done to our fucking scene?"
• "There's just too much self-interest driving all of this." "I don't see a way we stop the dominoes." "When it's that bad, when there's that many dishonest people that ESIC have to come out and say that if we punish them all there's no one left. What does that tell you?"
• "How many opportunities have we had to clean house? How many times have we said, 'this must never happen again', and another scandal." "The entire skins betting operations was the biggest criminal conspiracy in esports ever executed and no one has been punished for it." "The people who could be driving that don't want to."
• "Right now people are fans of those organizations because the scene has value. It is worth being a fan of Astralis because they are excellent at Counter-Strike. It is worth being a fan of s1mple because he is the best player in Counter-Strike, maybe the exception of ZywOo. If the scene is devalued, if the scene loses its meaning, those things lose its meaning too, and people will leave, people will stop tuning into the games. I have seen it happen in multiple esports, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I am getting big Brood War vibes right now and I don't like it."
• "The role you play in all of this as fans, as viewers, as listeners, as consumers of esports content, it's absolutely imperative that you know who the good guys are. It's absolutely imperative that you use your voice. It's absolutely imperative that when things are bad, you know who, at least, is trying to make them good, and you have to apply your criticism to the right targets."
  • He continues saying it's no good in continuing to attack ESIC and saying how they are bad, ESIC have it hard
• He says CSPPA are on the right side of the argument on BLAST but have been on the wrong side of many arguments many times.
  • "If you are not willing to stand along side the weakest member of the union, with the least amount of influence, and the least amount of power, then it is not a union at all and you shouldn't pose as one." "You wanna serve a bunch of special interest do it, everyone else in esports fucking does, but do not pose as something you are not." "We love the players. I've been fighting for players rights for as long as I've been able to, but the CSPPA is not what we needed."
    • "They are not applying the pressure to the right people, they are not fighting the right battles, they are not helping their weaker members."
• He says what orgs have done by keeping or hiring coaches is bad. "When you give up on holding an appreciable standard, you've lost the scene" "Competition matters, rules matter, punishments matter, achievements matter, excellence matters" "If you start stripping that away, you have nothing" "You guys need to take that knowledge and apply it sensibly."
• "Valve has sold you all down the river, they sold everyone in the esports scene down the river, tournament organizers are selling their talent down the river. Don't hate on them for sounding tired after a 16 hour day. Don't hate on them because the hype for a matchup they've seen for the 20th time in the past 3 months, they can't be as excited or it sounds contrived. Support your guys, they're there for you, these are your people."
• "This community has got to start acting like one for the first fucking time. Just put the petty shit away, let's try and fix this fucking scene while we still have one to save."
• "You can't rely on Valve, you can't rely on ESL, you can't rely on the CSPPA, you can't rely on anyone." "Once again, it's gonna be the likes of us, the amateurs, the people who give a fuck, rolling up our sleeves and grafting." "I'm old and tired and I don't want to have to do it again. People need to pick up the torch and do it."
  • "Like Michal did, like Dudenhoeffer did. You see something wrong, fix it. You see somebody doing something wrong, call it out. If you think something could be better, let people know."
• "Vote with your wallets if you're not happy with the direction Valve goes in. If when we do get to the Major, they serve up another subpar, same old bullshit stickers and signatures package again, do not buy it."
  • "You're a powerful block and if you use it correctly we can fucking avert this disaster."
• "I'm not doing another year in this broken, bust-up fucking scene, where everyone is miserable, everyone is broke, everyone is tired, and everyone is trying to fucking rob everyone else, blind, while the fucking people who are meant to be protecting you, are just fucking enhancing it and lining their own pockets."
  • "I'm not doing it anymore and you shouldn't want to do it either."
• "I stand by every fucking thing I said. I mean it, because this game fucking matters to me, this scene fucking matters to me. I put my life into this, my adult life, and to see it in this state is fucking sad."

Ok, so, I was recently rereading The Crying of Lot 49 last night, specifically Chapter 3, and I do feel I have a strange hypothesis about sections of that chapter that may be a complete projection, but the more that I look into the content of the sections I will parse out in particular, and the more research that I do, the more evidence seems to fall in place that sort of freaks me out and confirms my theory. Being freaks yourselves, I thought this would be the place for me to project my world, so to speak, and see if what I’m seeing is in any way based in reality or if I’m instead way off base.
My hypothesis is that Chapter 3 of The Crying of Lot 49, and specifically the Lake Inverity/Bone charcoal/Tony JaguaFangoso Lagoon section might be subtextually about Disneyland. I have struggled to find much about these particular sections of this chapter related to Disney. I own J. Kerry Grant’s A Companion to Lot 49, have scoured the Pynchon Wiki, read the reddit post discussion for Chapter 3 of this book, and tried Googling as much about it as I could, and I haven’t found anything to suggest Disneyland, so this is either a relatively new idea or one that is inaccurate as hell. Oh, boy!
To begin, I will say, I am fascinated and obsessed with Disneyland and Disney World which is maybe why I found some of the information I found within Lot 49 to begin with. One could say I have a perverse fascination with the 2 theme parks which has led me to all manner of revelations. In the same way that Pynchon, being from what I can tell, a heretical Catholic, has a perverse fascination with the sacred through the filter of the profane, I am somehow deeply attracted to and obsessed with all things Disney even though I think they are essentially a fascist, culturally banal, destructive force. Similar to how I believe Oedipa may have with Disneyland in the novel, I “fell in love with it (41).” What can I say?
The first half of Chapter 3 which I will focus on, involves Oedipa’s continued revelations. She gets her first peek at WASTE, the Tristero, the posthorn, and the Boeing-esque Yoyodyne is introduced. The plot of the novel really starts to thicken, or to put it a different way, the tapestry, the maaswork, really starts to come together, narrative threads criss-crossing every which way in all directions at once. A resource that was helpful for much of my understanding of this chapter and even just in how I read much of Lot 49 in general is Charles Hollander’s article on the novel: “Pynchon, JFK, and the CIA.” I’ll post it below.
https://www.vheissu.net/articles/hollander_49.php
Chapter 3, according to Hollander, is where some of the first hints of JFK’s assasination are placed. According to Hollander, this chapter uses allusion, parody, analogy, and enthymeme to encode its secret message about the JFK assassination. Mike Faloppian’s Peter Pinguid Society’s Dallas chapter certainly suggests this. I mention this, partially, to say that, in a way, I could maybe call what I’m trying to figure out here “Pynchon, Disney, and the CIA,” since in many ways what I’m wrestling with is what I perceive to be many hidden references to Disney's shaddy dealings throughout 40s and 50s Californian history. Disney World, in particular, does have a direct history of involvement with the CIA with regard to how it acquired its real estate holdings, for example, which interestingly enough is what a chunk of this chapter is about when it comes to its references to Inverarity (not Disney World, but real estate holdings in general, Inverarity's more specifically).
The first section of the chapter that gave me some strange vibes regarding Disneyland was the section where Metzger, Oedipa, and the Paranoids go to Fangoso Lagoon, “one of Inverarity’s last big projects (40).” I will quote some of these sections below where these vibes first made themselves known.
“Somewhere beyond the battering, urged sweep of three-bedroom houses rushing by their thousands across the dark beige hills, somehow implicit in an arrogance or bite to the smog the more inland somnolence of San Narciso did lack, lurked the sea, the unimaginable Pacific, the one to which all surfers, beach pads, sewage disposal schemes, tourist incursions, sunned homosexuality, chartered fishing are irrelevant, the hole left by the moon’s tearing-free and monument to her exile; you could not hear or smell this but it was there, something tidel began to reach feelers in past eyes and eardrums, perhaps to arouse fractions of brain current your most gossamer microelectrode is yet too gross for finding (40-41).”
This first quote stood out to me because it reminded me of the printed circuit Oedipa sees in Chapter 2. At the beginning of Chapter 2, Oedpia looks out at the landscape and sees it as deeply controlled, planned, almost machine-like or circuit-like. I don’t think this is a wildly different passage from that one. It, like the previous seciton forces the reader to ask the question: how did America come to be how it is now? This is an important question Lot 49 is always forcing its reader to ask. How did the deep conservatism or fascism creep in? Would the answer not be the subject of this book? Communication systems. What company is in charge of some of the most monopolized forms of our communication systems to this day? Disney, of course! Is this an accident? Was it planned? The malignant, magic forces referenced in Chapter 1 may have made it so, may have “urged [the] sweep of three-bedroom houses rushing by their thousands across the dark beige hills (40).” Surely the Walt Disney Company has done as much as any to reinforce suburban 3-bedroom forms of existence that have had a stranglehold on our cultural existence for so many years, than just about any, right? But this was just where I started to get the first inkling of vibes about Disneyland. To continue with another quote:
“They came in among earth-moving machines, a total absence of trees, the usual hieratic geometry, and eventually, shimmying for the sand roads, down in a helix to a sculpted body of water named Lake Inverarity. Out in it, on a round island of fill among blue wavelets, squatted the social hall, a chunky ogived and verdigrised, Art Nouveau reconstruction of some European pleasure-casino. Oedpia fell in love with it (41).”
This is where my paranoia really got going. Much of the description of the passage above does not sound like a man-made lake or lagoon. Far from it. Lake Inverarity is described as “a round island of fill,” that contains a “social hall,” and as a “Art Nouveau reconstruction of some European pleasure-casino.” That sounds much more like Disneyland than just a man-made lake created by a real-estate developer? Also with Oedpia being a consistent parody of housewives in suburban America, it would make sense that she would fall in love with Lake Inverarity if it is, in fact, Disneyland. Plus, there might be another hint in the name Lake Inverarity itself, since it is the only holding named after Inverarity specifically, just as Disneyland is named after Disney himself. I don’t believe that Inverarity is a direct analogy for Disney specifically, but I do believe he is instead an analogy for any of the unseen hyper-capitalist forces that have come to dominate our culture, Disney clearly being one example.
And just a side note before I continue with some of my evidence. It would make complete sense, this being a novel about Southern California, its real-estate development, and history, that Pynchon would eventually have to get to Disneyland. It is a property in Southern California, that especially between 1955 and 1965 had to have HUGE influence. How could he not incorporate it even if it was only referred to passively or encoded into the references of the text (much in the same way Hollander argues that Pynchon does the same for JFK’s assassination). There is another passage that REALLY got me convinced about my above theory, the section where Manny DiPresso is discussing the bone charcoal “used in the R&D phase of the filter program. Back around the early 50’s.” Here it is:
“Presently the bodies sank and stayed where they were till the early ‘50s, when Tony Jaguar, who’d been a corporal in an Italian outfit attached to the German force at Lago diPieta and knew about what was at the bottom, decided among some colleagues to see what he could salvage. All they managed to come up with was bones. Out of some murky train of reasoning, which may have included the observed fact that American tourists beginning then to be plentiful, would pay good dollars for almost anything; and stories about Forest Lawn and the American cult of the dead; possibly some dim hope that Senator McCarthy, and others of his persuasion, in those days having achieved a certain ascendancy over the rich cretini from across the sea, would somehow refocus attention on the fallen of WWII, especially ones whose corpses had never been found; out of such labyrinth of assumed motives, Tony Jaguar decided he could surely unload his harvest of bones on some American someplace through his contacts in the “family,” known these days as Costa Nostra. He was right. An import-export firm bought the bones, sold them to a fertilizer enterprise, which may have used one or two femurs for laboratory tests but eventually decided to phase entirely into menhaden instead and transferred the remaining several tons to a holding company, which stored them in a warehouse outside of Fort Wayne, Indiana, for maybe a year before Beaconsfield got interest (47).”
When I read “which may have included the observed fact that American tourists beginning then to be plentiful, would pay good dollars for almost anything,” I could not think of anything but Disneyland. In his historiographic metafictions, Pynchon often superimposes historical realities onto present ones in order to make political, social, and religious commentary that would otherwise be inexpressible. An easy example is the fact that Gravity’s Rainbow is a novel about 1960’s America set in Britain during World War II. In the above passage, if Pynchon is superimposing the strange, seemingly random history of “an Italian outfit attached to the German force at Lago diPieta.” and is using this as an analogy, to project a world that speaks to his present day, I don’t know how Pynchon couldn’t be referring to Disneyland. The novel is set in Southern California, the place where Pynchon lived in 1965. Wouldn’t Disneyland, the rise of tourism, how that was changing the landscape of America and hijacking the “family,” its communication systems, propaganda, and culture, wouldn't all that have been on his mind? I have a few more quotes and then a possibly even more major revelation before I feel I can finally feel I’ve made my point.
Later on in the Lagoon, the Paranoids start smoking pot, and the following happens:
“[B]y holding up the glowing roaches of their cigarettes like a flipcard section at a football game, to spell out alternative S’s and O’s, attracted the attention of the Fangoso Lagoons Security Force, a garrison against the night made up of one-time cowboy actors and L.A. motorcycle cops (49).”
I believe this “one-time cowboy actor” reference to be a reference to Ronald Regan, a fixture of southern California and one-time cowboy actor, and yet another thread in the patchwork connections to Disney. On October 24, 1947, Walt Disney and Ronald Regan both testified against communism, naming particular individuals they found nefarious communists within the film industry (another communication industry, one could say) before the House of Un-American Activities Committee. Which got me thinking, with all the mob references in the above section about Lago diPeta and the bones, was Disney ever involved with the mafia or mob, with “Costa Nostra?” I didn’t find much, but I did find something extremely interesting, which also led to one final even more strange realization. Read the link below, it lays out the story of Willie Bioff, a mobster who attempted to but failed to help break up Disney’s Union Strike in the 1940’s.
https://babbittblog.com/2016/10/09/disney-and-the-mob-willie-bioff/
This may seem unrelated to Pynchon’s “parable of power,” but earlier in the chapter when Mike Fillopian is discussing Russia and America, clearly also, yet again using a historical detail as a historiographic metafiction, superimposing a historical reality onto a present one, in this case, that of the cold war, when Fillopian mentions “After the confrontation, appalled at what had to be some military alliance between Russia...and a Union that paid lip service to abolition while it kept its own industrial laborers in a kind of wage-slavery (36),” its fairly clear which side of the picket-isle Pynchon would have been during an animator strike of Disney in the 1940s, or any strike for better treatment, for that matter. In Lot 49, Pynchon has written a "parable of power" about the various ways the circuit board of American life has reinforced the indentured servitude of supposed abolitionists, which in our modern world, could easily be a stand in for the structures of neo-liberalism. And nothing on this earth is more an example of banal neoliberal capitalism than Disneyland, nothing (except for maybe Epcot, of course). This is a lot of information, and I may not have done a very good job of connecting it all or being as explicit as I could have at explaining how specific references hint at Disney throughout the chapter, and this has already become too long, HOWEVER, I have one final piece of information that blows my DAMN MIND that is likely coincidental, but which I still could not believe I found.
Inspired by the book and wanting to find more connections in the tapestry, I started doing research into Disney’s involvement with the FBI and found some public records about his direct involvement with them on the FBI's website. Walt Disney was a SAC (Special Agent in Charge) for the FBI, according to these documents, for a period of time, interestingly enough, in the late 50s. There are literal letters to Disney from J. Edgar Hoover himself to Disney in these documents. I’ll post them below along with a number of other links that discuss Disney’s connection to the FBI, the last one being particularly fascinating in its connections to the novel.
https://vault.fbi.gov/walter-elias-disney/walter-elias-disney-part-01-of-03/view
http://www.schaakstukkenmuseum.nl/?p=2195&lang=en
http://jfk.hood.edu/Collection/Weisberg%20Subject%20Index%20Files/F%20Disk/FBI/FBI%20Press%20Use%20Of/Item%2009.pdf
https://www.mouseplanet.com/8987/The_Mickey_Mouse_Club_FBIs_Most_Wanted
I very much suggest looking at the Mouse Planet link above. If you have read The Crying of Lot 49 and know who Baby Igor and Metzger is, I VERY MUCH SUGGEST IT. Upon reading this and looking at all the other material, I discovered that there was a child-star, mentioned specifically in these documents, that was to be the child used in a set of documentaries Disney was to make as propaganda films for the FBI specifically, promoting them to the public in 1958. This child’s name was Dirk Metzger. I shit you not. His name was METZGER and he was a child star whose father was in the military. READ THE ARTICLE. His daddy, his doggy, and HIM! And guess what, look at what his profession became after being a child actor in these films? Guess it was: he became a lawyer!!! Baby Igor himself! In the flesh!? Look at the article. It’s all there. I can’t fucking believe it!? Now, I admit, this is all probably just a coincidence. Being 14 in 1958 would put Metzger at being only 21 or so in 1965 when the Crying of Lot 49 came out, so it is unlikely that this is exactly what I think it is, a direct, real, historical correlation, but who knows? Pynchon lived in California at the time. Who knows whom or what he may have come across...
Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there. Maybe Disneyland is nowhere to be found in the California of The Crying of Lot 49. Maybe this is all, as Hilarius would say, a Rorsoch blot. Maybe I’m simply hallucinating. I will say though, either way, I do think the political exigence of The Crying of Lot 49 has done its work on me. Even if this is only an ink blot, a world I’m projecting rather than one that is actually there, I have certainly done more thinking about Disney, its union-busting, suburban-infused. McCarthy-ian underbelly than I have, maybe ever, and that power, and Pynchon's parable of power he wrote in reaction to it, is something that is very much alive and with us today, it is a power that is still creating indentured servitude and whose malignant, “formless magic” is igniting all around us. Hopefully I, like Oedpia, have gotten a little closer to understanding how it works and counting its line of force. Maybe,
“If the tower is everywhere and the knight of deliverance no proof against its magic, what else?”

I already own Darksiders III and Yakuza Kiwami 2, so I figured I'd just skip this month and trade for the other games on here. I haven't updated my list in a long time, so there may be one or two games that I don't have anymore, but I still own most of them. So far, the games I'm looking for are:
Imperator: Rome Deluxe Edition
Crying Suns
Darksburg
Little Misfortune
Smile for Me
Darkwood
Tsioque
Rover Mechanic Simulator
Youropa
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
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The ones that I have for trade are:
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Humble Gift Link -
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The Uncertain: Last Quiet Day
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Knights of Pen and Paper 1+2 Collection
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Road Redemption
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This War of Mine
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Throne of Lies The Online Game of Deceit
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Torchlight
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Torchlight II
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The First Tree
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One Deck Dungeon
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Skybolt Zack
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Golf With Your Friends - OST
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Codex of Victory
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Conglomerate 451
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Deep Sky Derelicts
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Gift of Parthax
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Haimrik
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Quantum Replica
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Re-Legion
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Shiny
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Through the Woods
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The Inner World
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Pixel Heroes Byte & Magic
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Safety First!
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SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
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The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia + Soundtrack
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Vambrace: Cold Soul Soundtrack
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Vampyr
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AER Memories of Old
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Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth
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State of Mind
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Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II
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Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War III
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Warhammer 40,000: Sanctus Reach
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Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
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Batman - The Telltale Series
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Batman: The Enemy Within - The Telltale Series
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Oxenfree
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The Walking Dead
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The Walking Dead - 400 Days
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The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
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The Walking Dead: Season Two
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Astebreed Definitive Edition
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LiEat
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Mitsurugi Kamui Hikae
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Momodora: Reverie Under The Moonlight
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GET EVEN
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Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics
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Mysterium: A Psychic Clue Game
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Small World 2
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Splendor
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Twilight Struggle
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Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Father
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Black The Fall
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Children of Zodiarcs
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Deadbeat Heroes
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Forgotton Anne
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Goetia
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Tokyo Dark
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The Turing Test
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Train Valley 2
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A Good Snowman is Hard to Build
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A Mortician's Tale
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Alien Spidy
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Broken Age
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Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
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Brutal Legend
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Darksiders II Deathinitive Edition
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Darksiders Warmastered Edition
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DUCATI - 90th Anniversary
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Europa Universalis IV
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Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
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GNOG
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Hacknet
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HIVESWAP: Act 1
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Hollow Knight
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LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
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Lostwinds
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Magicka
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Music Maker EDM Edition
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PAC-MAN CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
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Party Hard
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Pikuniku
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Psychonauts
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Rebuild 3: Gangs of Deadsville
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Sniper Elite 3
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Speed Brawl
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Stealth 2: A Game of Clones
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Stick Fight: The Game
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Super Hexagon
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SUPERHOT
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This is the Police
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Tilt Brush
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Tropico 4
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Undertale
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VVVVVV
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World of Goo
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Worms Revolution
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Zombotron
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Dead Rising 4
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Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition
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RESIDENT EVIL 2 - All In-game Rewards Unlock
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STRIDER
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Reigns
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Reigns: Her Majesty
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Equilinox
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MagiCat
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Samorost 3
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1 Screen Platformer
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A Glider's Journey
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Adventure Boy Cheapskate DX
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Animal Super Squad
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Anomaly 2
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Anomaly Defenders
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Anomaly Korea
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Anomaly: Warzone Earth
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Anomaly Warzone Earth Mobile Campaign
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Artemis: God-Queen of the Hunt
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Balancelot
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Bastion
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Cathedral
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Chivalry: Medieval Warfare
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Clatter
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Dead by Daylight - Of Flesh and Mud
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Dead by Daylight - Spark of Madness
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Deadlight: Director's Cut
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Dino Run DX
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Downtown Drift
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Draw Your Game
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Drink More Glurp Jingle Jam Challenge
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Invisible Inc.
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Kalaban
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Kingdom: New Lands
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Motorsport Manager
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Must Dash Amigos
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Nemo Dungeon
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Neverwinter: Vestments of the Wind Pack
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Ninja Senki DX
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PAC-MAN CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
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Potatoman Seeks the Troof
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Pumped BMX +
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Rapture Rejects
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Rebound Dodgeball Evolved
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Red Horizon
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Rogue Rocks
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Scanner Sombre
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Songs of Skydale
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Stories: The Path of Destinies
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Super Chicken Catchers
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THE TEAR
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YORG.io
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Chasm
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Fluffy Horde
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Regular Human Basketball
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Fairy Fencer F: Advent Dark Force Complete Deluxe Set
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Megatagmension Blanc + Neptune VS Zombies (Neptunia)
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Moero Chronicle
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Neptunia Shooter
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Superdimension Neptune VS Sega Hard Girls
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Trillion: God of Destruction
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Beckett
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Everything
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Rusty Lake Hotel
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The Stanley Parable
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Thomas Was Alone
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Yume Nikki
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YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY-
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Game Character Hub PE: DS Generator Parts
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Game Character Hub PE: Second Story
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Game Character Hub: Portfolio Edition
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RPG Maker MV
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RPG Maker MV - GENE
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RPG Maker MV - MADO
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RPG Maker MV - SAKAN
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RPG Maker VX
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RPG Maker VX Ace
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RPG Maker XP
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Visual Novel Maker + Live 2D
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Evergarden
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Shenmue I & II
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SYNTHETIK: Legion Rising
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Bridge Constructor Portal
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Portal Knights
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SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
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Staxel
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Tricky Towers
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When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
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Planet Alpha
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Puss!
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The Spiral Scouts
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Cat Quest
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HIVESWAP: Act 1
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Immortal Planet
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Pillars of Eternity
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Tyranny - Standard Edition
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Carrier Command: Gaea Mission
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Pound of Ground
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Take On Helicopters
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Take on Mars
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Ylands
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Distance
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God's Trigger
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Guacamelee! 2
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MOTHERGUNSHIP
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DISTRAINT 2
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Rusty Lake Paradise
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Unexplored
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The Adventure Pals
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Almost There: The Platformer
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Yoku's Island Express
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60 Parsecs!
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Love is Dead
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Road Redemption
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Clustertruck
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Diaries of a Spaceport Janitor
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Party Hard
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Punch Club
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SpeedRunners
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Duskers
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Paratopic
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Pool Panic
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Red Faction Guerilla Re-Mars-tered
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Black The Fall
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Octahedron
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The Turing Test
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I'm not a Monster
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Wandersong
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11-11 Memories Retold
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Impact Winter
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Little Nightmares
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PAC-MAN™ Championship Edition DX+
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Project CARS
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Genital Jousting
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Highway Blossoms
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Just Deserts
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Purrfect Date
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Sunrider Academy
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Sunrider: Liberation Day - Captain's Edition
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Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition
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Tooth and Tail
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Dandara
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MINIT
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Steel Rats
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12 is Better Than 6
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BLACKHOLE
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Cook, Serve, Delicious! 2!!
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Kingsway
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kuso
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Soft Body
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Way of the Passive Fist
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Slipstream
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Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
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GoNNER
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Headlander
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Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth
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Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun
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Bleed 2
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Rapture Rejects
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Rock of Ages 2: Bigger and Boulder
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Sniper Elite 3
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Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
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Worms Clan Wars
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Animal Super Squad
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Anomaly 2
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Anomaly Defenders
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Anomaly: Warzone Earth
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Blade & Bones
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Board Battlefield
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Clicker bAdventure
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Cloudborn
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Convoy
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Cube Link
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Deep Dungeons of Doom
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Detective Case and Clown Bot in: Murder in the Hotel Lisbon
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Don't Stand Out
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Dungeon Escape
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Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
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Flux8
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Freaky Awesome
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Guns of Icarus Alliance Collector's Edition
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Hackyzack
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The Haunting of Billy
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Hello Pollution!
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Hyperdrive Massacre
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Indecision.
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Kabounce
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Lakeview Cabin Collection
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Last Encounter
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LOVE
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Lucius Demake
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Marvin's Mittens
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Match Point
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No Time To Explain Remastered
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Race The Sun
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R-COIL
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Road Doom
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Slime-san
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Super Steampunk Pinball 2D
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Sure Footing
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Switchblade Starter Pack
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Temple of Xiala
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Throne of Lies The Online Game of Deceit
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Tower 57
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Tross
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Unit 4
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Wizorb
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Zero G Arena
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Colt Express
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King and Assassins
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Kentucky Route Zero
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RWBY: Grimm Eclipse
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War for the Overworld + Heart of Gold DLC
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The Dwarves
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Resident Evil Revelations
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Gremlins, Inc.
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Old Man's Journey
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Pathfinder Adventures
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Talisman: Digital Edition
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Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics
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Talisman: Digital Edition
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How to Survive 2
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Darksiders II: Deathinitive Edition
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12 is Better than 6
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Bear With Me - Collector's Edition
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Dungeon of the Endless
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Jalopy
​
NBA Playgrounds
​
Action Henk
​
JYDGE
​
Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes
​
Kingdom: New Lands
​
Laser League
​
Holy Potatoes! We're In Space?!
​
Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City
​
Grand Theft Auto III
​
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
​
Filthy, Stinking, Orcs
​
Sanctum 2
​
Grey Goo
​
Sorcerer King: Rivals
​
​
Green Man Gaming -
​
CRUSADER KINGS II
​
WARHAMMER END TIMES VERMINTIDE
​
INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US ULTIMATE
​
THE FLAME IN THE FLOOD
​
FROZEN SYNAPSE PRIME
​
BEAT COP
​
SUPER CLOUDBUILT
​
THE LITTLE ACRE
​
INSURGENCY
​
FEAR 3
​
DEAD AGE
​
MAGICKA
​
SERIAL CLEANER
​
CASTLEVANIA LORDS OF SHADOW 2
​
FAHRENHEIT REMASTERED
​
OPERATION FLASHPOINT RED RIVER
​
ROCKET KNIGHT
​
LEGO BATMAN
​
BIOZONE
​
ADR1FT
​
​
Fanatical -
​
Autonauts
​
Guards
​
How to Take Off Your Mask
​
ENIGMA:
​
Garfield Kart
​
Stronghold Legends: Steam Edition
​
Styx: Master of Shadows
​
Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition
​
EARTH'S DAWN
​
Do Not Feed the Monkeys
​
Rain World
​
Shadwen
​
Syndrome
​
The Technomancer
​
Chess Ultra
​
Arcana Heart 3 LOVE MAX!!!!!
​
DEAD OR SCHOOL
​
Shiness: The Lightning Kingdom
​
XBlaze Code: Embryo
​
XBlaze Lost: Memories
​
Duke Nukem Forever
​
GUILTY GEAR Xrd -REVELATOR-
​
Party Hard 2
​
The Walking Dead
​
This War of Mine
​
Blood: Fresh Supply
​
Syberia II
​
If My Heart Had Wings
​
LoveKami -Divinity Stage-
​
LoveKami -Useless Goddess-
​
The Surge
​
Dungeons 2
​
The First Templar - Steam Special Edition
​
Urban Empire
​
The Dark Eye: Demonicon
​
Chronicles of Magic: Divided Kingdoms
​
Endless Fables 3: Dark Moor
​
King's Heir: Rise to the Throne
​
Lost Grimoires 3: The Forgotten Well
​
My Brother Rabbit
​
Noir Chronicles: City of Crime
​
Path of Sin: Greed
​
Queen's Quest 4: Sacred Truce
​
Tharsis
​
Little Big Adventure 2
​
Return to Mysterious Island 2
​
Damned
​
Return to Mysterious Island
​
Odyssey - The Story of Science
​
Little Big Adventure - Enhanced Edition
​
Sanitarium
​
The Royal Marines Commando
​
STARBO
​
Raptor: Call of The Shadows - 2015 Edition
​
Guns of Icarus Online
​
Hamsterdam
​
Gates of Hell
​
Perfect Heist
​
Aces of the Luftwaffe
​
Operation Thunderstorm
​
Clouds & Sheep 2
​
Archamon
​
The Crown of Leaves
​
HERO DEFENSE
​
Tales From Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
Last Dream: World Unknown
​
The Swindle
​
Robothorium: Cyberpunk Dungeon Crawler
​
Equilinox
​
Rogue Wizards
​
Codex of Victory
​
Haimrik
​
In Fear I Trust
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 2
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 3
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 4
​
The Watchmaker
​
The Uncertain - The Last Quiet Day
​
World's Dawn
​
Extinction
​
Infinite Air with Mark McMorris
​
Super Inefficient Golf
​
Tales of Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
Shadwen
​
Creeping Terror
​
Fantasy Wars
​
Ascension to the Throne
​
Savage Lands
​
Survivalist
​
Still Life
​
Holy Avatar vs. Maidens of the Dead
​
Syberia
​
Miasmata
​
Syberia II
​
Looterkings
​
Damned
​
Lost Civilization
​
QuestRun
​
Railroad Pioneer
​
SkyDrift
​
Thunder Wolves
​
Airline Tycoon Deluxe
​
Overclocked: A History of Violence
​
Dark Strokes: The Legend of the Snow Kingdom Collector's Edition
​
Eternal Journey: New Atlantis
​
Forest Legends: The Call of Love Collector's Edition
​
House of 1000 Doors: Evil Inside
​
House of 1000 Doors: Serpent Flame
​
Joan Jade and the Gates of Xibalba
​
Love Alchemy: A Heart in Winter
​
Magic Encyclopedia: Moon Light
​
Mind's Eye: Secrets of the Forgotten
​
The Fog: Trap for Moths
​
Analogue: A Hate Story
​
Detention
​
The Coma: Recut
​
The Coma: Recut - Soundtrack & Art Pack DLC
​
Revolution Ace
​
Californium
​
SkyDrift
​
Clinically Dead
​
Out There Somewhere
​
Fate Tectonics
​
Plazma Being
​
One Finger Death Punch
​
ESport Manager
​
Dungeons 2
​
Galaxy Squad
​
Oriental Empires
​
Stars in Shadow
​
TASTEE Lethal Tactics
​
The Lion's Song: Season Pass
​
Homeworld Remastered Collection
​
Shuyan Saga
​
Steel Vampire
​
Arcana Heart 3 LOVE MAX!!!!
​
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
​
Lifeless Planet Premier Edition
​
Snake Pass
​
BEEP
​
DRAGON: A Game About a Dragon
​
Destiny Warriors RPG
​
Gun Rocket
​
Labyronia RPG
​
Labyronia RPG 2
​
LocoSoccer
​
Out There Somewhere
​
Storm of Spears RPG
​
Subterra
​
Sun Blast: Star Fighter
​
The Odyssey: Winds of Athena
​
Tiny Bridge: Ratventure
​
Crouching Pony Hidden Dragon
​
GAUGE
​
Isbarah
​
Poöf
​
Puddle
​
Replay - VHS is not dead
​
Wooden Sen'SeY
​
House of Caravan
​
Cultures Northland
​
Splatter Zombie Apocalypse
​
Squirbs
​
Learn Japanese to survive Hiragana Battle
​
Airscape The Fall of Gravity
​
Revolution Ace
​
Labyronia RPG
​
PARTICLE MACE
​
Cultures 8th Wonder of the World
​
GIBZ
​
STAR WARS Jedi Knight - Jedi Academy
​
STAR WARS Jedi Knight II - Jedi Outcast
​
Dex
​
Figment
​
Hive Jump
​
Jalopy
​
PewDiePie: Legend of the Brofist
​
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIII STEAM EDITION
​
Blades of Time Limited Edition
​
Blood Knights
​
Demonicon
​
Drakensang
​
GemCraft - Chasing Shadows
​
Heroes of Annihilated Empires
​
Inquisitor
​
Knights and Merchants
​
Lichdom: Battlemage
​
Numen: Contest of Heroes
​
Rune Classic
​
Sudeki
​
Two Worlds II: Velvet Edition
​
Wizardry 6&7
​
Asteroid Bounty Hunter
​
Charlie's Adventure
​
Cube Runner
​
Duke of Alpha Centauri
​
Fly and Destroy
​
Hungry Flame
​
Neon Space
​
Neon Space 2
​
ShipLord
​
Slash It
​
Slash It 2
​
Spin Rush
​
Survive in Space
​
Upside Down
​
Distant Worlds: Universe
​
Heavy Burger
​
I am not a Monster
​
Learn Japanese to survive Hiragana Battle
​
SimplePlanes
​
Sword Legacy Omen
​
Moero Chronicle
​
Moero Chronicle - Deluxe Pack DLC
​
35MM
​
Deadlight
​
Distrust
​
Killing Room
​
March of the Living
​
Savage Lands
​
Tharsis
​
Valnir Rok Survival RPG
​
Dreamscapes: The Sandman - Premium Edition
​
Dreamscapes: Nightmare's Heir - Premium Edition
​
Sea Legends: Phantasmal Light Collector's Edition
​
Witch's Pranks: Frog's Fortune Collector's Edition
​
Kingdom of Aurelia: Mystery of the Poisoned Dagger
​
Taken Souls: Blood Ritual Collector's Edition
​
Silver Tale
​
A Plot Story
​
Hexus
​
Jane Angel: Templar Mystery
​
Dream Walker
​
Witch's Tales
​
Escape Doodland
​
Mad Dream: Coma
​
Earthworms
​
Clinically Dead
​
Mech Rage
​
Camper Jumper Simulator
​
ESport Manager
​
Darkest Hunters
​
The Sexy Brutale
​
Beholder
​
The Last Door - Collector's Edition
​
The Last Door: Season 2 - Collector's Edition
​
Cognition: An Erica Reed Thriller
​
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
​
System Shock 2
​
Metal Fatigue
​
Spirits of Xanadu
​
Shadow Man
​
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
​
Homeworld Remastered Collection
​
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
PAYDAY 2
​
Jalopy
​
Hover
​
Figment
​
Subterrain
​
STARWHAL
​
Scribblenauts Unmasked: A DC Comics Adventure
​
Joggernauts
​
The Long Reach
​
Mainlining
​
Coffin Dodgers
​
The Rivers of Alice - Extended Version
​
Zombie Kill of the Week - Reborn
​
The Walking Vegetables
​
Unbox: Newbie's Adventure
​
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
​
UNLOVED
​
Killing Room
​
Sir, You Are Being Hunted
​
Styx: Shards of Darkness
​
STAR WARS - Knights of the Old Republic
​
STAR WARS Knights of the Old Republic II - The Sith Lords
​
Shadowrun: Hong Kong - Extended Edition
​
SimCity™ 4 Deluxe Edition
​
STAR WARS™ - The Force Unleashed™ Ultimate Sith Edition
​
METAL SLUG X
​
Oxenfree
​
Galactic Civilizations II: Ultimate Edition
​
Sins of a Solar Empire: Trinity
​
Fallen Enchantress: Legendary Heroes
​
The Political Machine 2016
​
The Corporate Machine
​
Sorcerer King: Rivals
​
Demigod
​
Go! Go! Nippon! ~My First Trip to Japan~
​
March of the Living
​
Four Sided Fantasy
​
Dungeon Rushers
​
The Invisible Hours
​
Dead Secret
​
The Free Ones
​
HIVESWAP: Act 1
​
Castle of no Escape 2
​
Galactic Lords
​
W4RR-i/o-RS
​
Nogibator: Way Of Legs
​
WN - ShP
​
Fairy Lands: Rinka and the Fairy Gems
​
Drill Arena
​
Walhall
​
Er-Spectro
​
Risky Rescue
​
Frederic: Evil Strikes Back
​
16bit Trader
​
Midnight Mysteries
​
Midnight Mysteries 4: Haunted Houdini
​
Zombie Bowl-o-Rama
​
Little Farm
​
Silver Knight
​
ANKI
​
Lift It
​
3 Coins At School
​
Deep Eclipse: New Space Odyssey
​
Green Ranch
​
The lost joystick
​
UBERMOSH Vol. 5
​
Trip to Vinelands
​
TTV2
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA
​
UBERMOSH
​
UBERMOSH:BLACK
​
UBERMOSH Vol.3
​
Iesabel
​
Daemonsgate
​
Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
​
Spiritual Warfare & Wisdom Tree Collection
​
Prophecy I - The Viking Child
​
Drakkhen
​
Hostage: Rescue Mission
​
King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
​
Eternam
​
Chaos Control
​
Bubble Ghost
​
Mystical
​
Alien Rampage
​
Frederic: Resurrection of Music
​
Teddy Floppy Ear - Mountain Adventure
​
Teddy Floppy Ear - Kayaking
​
Millie
​
Sparkle 2 Evo
​
Story of the Survivor
​
SharpShooter3D
​
Goodbye My King
​
Watch This!
​
Crazy Oafish Ultra Blocks: Big Sale
​
Crystal City
​
Bloody Boobs
​
AuroraRL
​
Dispatcher
​
Casino Noir
​
Detective Noir
​
Reptilians Must Die!
​
The Braves & Bows
​
Zzzz-Zzzz-Zzzz
​
The Dweller
​
Surfingers
​
Timberman
​
Sparkle 3 Genesis
​
Cat on a Diet
​
Zombillie
​
Asteroid Bounty Hunter
​
ShipLord
​
Neon Prism
​
Slash It
​
Slash It 2
​
Cube Runner
​
Upside Down
​
Spin Rush
​
Neon Space
​
Neon Space 2
​
Duke of Alpha Centauri
​
Hungry Flame
​
Survive in Space
​
Fly and Destroy
​
Charlie's Adventure
​
Luxor Evolved
​
Luxor: Amun Rising HD
​
LUXOR: Mah Jong
​
Luxor: Quest for the Afterlife
​
Samantha Swift and the Hidden Roses of Athena
​
Red Risk
​
Particula
​
Overcast - Walden and the Werewolf
​
OutDrive
​
Invasion
​
Cubium Dreams
​
Iron Impact
​
Stigmat
​
Marco Polo
​
Cybercube
​
Mr. Dubstep
​
Monstrum
​
Wick
​
Lethe - Episode One
​
35MM
​
I Shall Remain
​
Silence of the Sleep
​
Rebel Galaxy
​
Punch Club - Deluxe Edition
​
Grey Goo Definitive Edition
​
RiME
​
Gloom
​
SharpShooter3D
​
Goodbye My King
​
Crystal City
​
Art of Murder - Cards of Destiny
​
Art of Murder - Deadly Secrets
​
Art of Murder - FBI Confidential
​
Art of Murder - Hunt for the Puppeteer
​
Art of Murder - The Secret Files
​
Chronicles of Mystery - Secret of the Lost Kingdom
​
Chronicles of Mystery - The Legend of the Sacred Treasure
​
Chronicles of Mystery - The Tree of Life
​
Chronicles of Mystery: The Scorpio Ritual
​
Megadimension Neptunia VII
​
Megadimension Neptunia VII Digital Deluxe Set DLC
​
Galactic Lords
​
W4RR-i/o-RS
​
Nogibator: Way Of Legs
​
WN - ShP
​
Fairy Lands: Rinka and the Fairy Gems
​
Drill Arena
​
Walhall
​
Er-Spectro
​
Daemonsgate
​
Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
​
Spiritual Warfare & Wisdom Tree Collection
​
Prophecy I - The Viking Child
​
Drakkhen
​
Marco Polo
​
Hostage: Rescue Mission
​
King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
​
Eternam
​
Chaos Control
​
Bubble Ghost
​
Mystical
​
Alien Rampage
​
Ocean Classics Volume 1
​
200% Mixed Juice
​
War of the Human Tanks
​
Worms
​
Worms Reloaded: Game of the Year Edition
​
Worms Ultimate Mayhem - Deluxe Edition
​
Worms Crazy Golf
​
Worms Blast
​
Worms Pinball
​
The Mooseman
​
Sky Break
​
Tropico 5
​
Super Cloudbuilt
​
Tower 57
​
Dex
​
Epistory - Typing Chronicles
​
Deponia: The Complete Journey
​
Table Top Racing: World Tour
​
Riff Racer - Race Your Music!
​
GT Legends
​
GTR Evolution
​
Vangers
​
Insane 2
​
Zero Gear
​
Race.a.bit
​
Mashed
​
Race: The WTCC Game + Caterham Expansion
​
Little Racers STREET
​
BARRIER X
​
Super Toy Cars
​
Mini Motor Racing EVO
​
Drift Streets Japan
​
Instant Death
​
Spirits of Xanadu
​
Swipe Fruit Smash
​
Voxel Baller
​
Breezeblox
​
BalanCity
​
VRog
​
BoomTown! Deluxe
​
City Siege: Faction Island
​
Bomb The Monsters!
​
Crazy Belts
​
Rush for Glory
​
Naval Warfare
​
Insurgency
​
Blood Knights
​
Heroes of Annihilated Empires
​
Wizardry 6 & 7
​
Drakensang
​
Rune Classic
​
Gemcraft - Chasing Shadows
​
Knights and Merchants
​
Etherlords I & II
​
Sudeki
​
Numen: Contest of Heroes
​
Inquisitor
​
Commands & Colors: The Great War
​
Making History: The Calm and the Storm Gold Edition
​
Attrition: Tactical Fronts
​
Imperial Glory
​
Praetorians
​
Commandos: Behind Enemy Lines
​
Commandos: Beyond the Call of Duty
​
Commandos 2: Men of Courage
​
Commandos 3: Destination Berlin
​
Ominous Tales: The Forsaken Isle
​
Beyond the Invisible: Evening
​
Tearstone
​
Entwined: Strings of Deception
​
Vengeance: Lost Love
​
The Rosebud Condominium
​
Where Angels Cry: Tears of the Fallen (Collector's Edition)
​
Lightning: D-Day
​
Congo Merc
​
Hold the Line: The American Revolution
​
Battles of the Ancient World
​
Peninsular War Battles
​
1812: The Invasion of Canada
​
Russian Front
​
7 Wonders II
​
7 Wonders of the Ancient World
​
7 Wonders: Ancient Alien Makeover
​
7 Wonders: Magical Mystery Tour
​
7 Wonders: Treasures of Seven
​
Discovery! A Seek and Find Adventure
​
Gardens Inc. 2: The Road to Fame
​
Glowfish
​
Little Farm
​
Luxor 2 HD
​
Luxor 3
​
Luxor Evolved
​
Luxor HD
​
Luxor: 5th Passage
​
Luxor: Amun Rising HD
​
LUXOR: Mah Jong
​
Luxor: Quest for the Afterlife
​
Midnight Mysteries
​
Midnight Mysteries 3: Devil on the Mississippi
​
Midnight Mysteries 4: Haunted Houdini
​
Midnight Mysteries: Salem Witch Trials
​
Midnight Mysteries: Witches of Abraham - Collector's Edition
​
Pickers
​
Samantha Swift and the Hidden Roses of Athena
​
The Dweller
​
Iesabel
​
EM: Shader Attack
​
Invasion
​
Labyronia RPG
​
Labyronia RPG 2
​
Legend of Mysteria RPG
​
Chosen 2
​
Balloon Blowout
​
Bayla Bunny
​
Block Blowout
​
Chess Knight 2
​
Dessert Storm
​
Fantastic 4 In A Row 2
​
Fantastic Checkers 2
​
Ludo Supremo
​
Mahjong Deluxe 2: Astral Planes
​
Mahsung Deluxe
​
Mini Golf Mundo
​
Pepe Porcupine
​
Puppy Dog: Jigsaw Puzzles
​
Puzzles Under The Hill
​
Ultimate Word Search 2: Letter Boxed
​
Bubble Blowout
​
Train Valley
​
Broken Sword Trilogy
​
Daemonsgate
​
Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
​
Prophecy I - The Viking Child
​
Drakkhen
​
Marco Polo
​
Hostage: Rescue Mission
​
King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
​
Bubble Ghost
​
Mystical
​
Ocean Classics Volume 1
​
Pandora: First Contact
​
35MM
​
Grand Ages: Rome GOLD
​
GT Legends
​
Nether: Resurrected
​
CAT Interstellar
​
Circut Breakers
​
Memoranda
​
Sins of the Demon RPG
​
Gladiator Trainer
​
Dragon Sinker
​
Neon Chrome
​
Skullgirls
​
Mad Games Tycoon
​
Replica
​
Patrician IV - Steam Special Edition
​
Patrician IV: Rise of a Dynasty
​
Patrician III
​
The Swindle
​
Zenith
​
Hive Jump
​
ICY: Frostbite Edition
​
Commandos Collection
​
Revhead
​
Car Mechanic Simulator 2015
​
Demolish & Build 2017
​
Robot Squad Simulator 2017
​
Skullgirls & DLC
​
The Mims Beginning
​
Dreamstones
​
Cally's Caves 4
​
Tank Battle: East Front
​
Tank Battle: Pacific
​
Tank Battle: Normandy
​
Tank Battle: North Africa
​
Tank Battle: 1944
​
Tank Battle: Blitzkrieg
​
Tank Battle: 1945
​
Civil War: 1861
​
Civil War: Bull Run 1861
​
Civil War: 1862
​
Civil War: 1865
​
Civil War: Gettysburg
​
Civil War: 1864
​
SK8
​
King of the Eggs
​
Bouncy Bob
​
Hotel Dracula
​
Warfront Defenders: Westerplatte
​
Pony Island
​
Who's Your Daddy
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA OST DLC
​
SWARMRIDERS: Original Soundtrack DLC
​
DinoSystem
​
Super Sports Surgery
​
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
​
Startide
​
Timberman
​
Kathy Rain
​
Table Top Racing: World Tour
​
Z
​
Dark Years
​
Exowar
​
Total Extreme Wrestling
​
World of Mixed Martial Arts 3
​
IGT Slots Paradise Garden
​
Anti-Opoly
​
Wrestling Spirit 3
​
Draft Day Sports College Basketball 3
​
Draft Day Sports Pro Basketball 4
​
Defend Your Life
​
Hyperdrive Massacre
​
The lost joystick
​
Orbital Racer
​
RUNRUNRUN
​
Murder...
​
UBERMOSH:BLACK
​
Trip to Vinelands
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA
​
Bad Dream: Coma
​
Mad Games Tycoon
​
Perfect Universe
​
Daddy's Gone A-Hunting
​
Deep Dungeons of Doom
​
Worms
​
PolyRace
​
The Way
​
​
Indiegala -
​
Persian Nights: Sands of Wonders
​
The Secret Order 6: Bloodline
​
Demon Hunter 4: Riddles of Light
​
Lost Grimoires 2: Shard of Mystery
​
Animal Lover
​
Magi Trials Deluxe Edition
​
Highschool Possession
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic
​
Hentai Hexa Mosaic
​
Borderus
​
The Myth Seekers: The Legacy of Vulcan
​
Eventide 2: The Sorcerers Mirror
​
Nightmares from the Deep 3: Davy Jones
​
Beach Bounce
​
Beach Bounce - Soundtrack
​
Beauty Bounce
​
Bunny Bounce
​
Club Life
​
Club Life - Soundtrack
​
Divine Slice of Life
​
Divine Slice of Life - Soundtrack
​
Echo Tokyo - Wallpapers
​
Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
​
Echo Tokyo: Intro
​
Highschool Possession
​
Highschool Romance
​
Magi Trials Deluxe Edition
​
Summer Fling
​
Summer Fling OST
​
Sword of Asumi Deluxe Edition
​
Knock-knock
​
Systematic Immunity
​
OddPlanet
​
The Quest for Achievements Remix
​
Moot District
​
Ceville
​
Mutiny!
​
Magic Trials Deluxe Edition
​
Hentai Zodiac Puzzle
​
PUZZLETIME: Lovely Girls
​
Girls of Hentai Mosaic
​
Girls of Hentai Mosaic - HQ Artbook & Wallpapers
​
Hentai Hexa mosaic
​
Hentai Hexa Mosaic - Soundtrack
​
Lady's Hentai Mosaic
​
Lady's Hentai Mosaic - OST
​
Lady's Hentai Mosaic - PNG Artbook
​
Pixel Hentai Mosaic
​
Pixel Hentai Mosaic - OST
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic - OST
​
Topless Hentai Mosaic - PNG Artbook
​
Echo Tokyo: An Intro
​
Echo Tokyo - Wallpapers
​
Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
​
Last Anime boy: Saving loli
​
Witch College
​
Pleasure Airlines
​
Senpai Teaches Me Japanese: Part 1
​
Chibi Volleyball
​
My personal Angel
​
Riddled Corpses
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Nandeyanen!?
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AstroViking
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?????2 / Seven boys 2
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TimeTekker
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Girls of Hentai Mosaic
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Topless Hentai Mosaic
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Hentai Hexa mosaic
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Lady's Hentai Mosaic
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Pixel Hentai Mosaic
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Book Series - Alice in Wonderland
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On Earth As It Is In Heaven - A Kinetic Novel
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BAD END
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Frank & the TimeTwister Machine
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Linelight
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Hook
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Franchise Wars
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Rush Bros
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Grim Legends: The Forsaken Bride
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Abyss: The Wraiths of Eden
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Without Within 2
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Cursed Sight
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Beauty Bounce
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Highschool Romance
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Beach Bounce
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Club Life
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Echo Tokyo: Intro
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Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
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This Strange Realm Of Mine
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Bot Vice
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Eliosi's Hunt
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Aspect
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Grim Legends 2: Song of the Dark Swan
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Crime Secrets: Crimson Lily
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Grim Legends 3: The Dark City
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Particle Mace
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Secret of Magia
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Sins of the Demon RPG
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Splatter - Zombie Apocalypse
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Airscape - The Fall of Gravity
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Fate Tectonics
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Battle Ranch: Pigs vs Plants
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Earth Overclocked
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Greyfox RPG
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Wish -tale of the sixteenth night of lunar month-
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Cursed Sight
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A Winter's Daydream
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Empty Horizons
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Poker Pretty Girls Battle: Texas Hold'em
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Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
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Pretty Girls Panic!
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Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle
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Boneless Zombie
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Delicious! Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
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Koi-Koi Japan [Hanafuda playing cards]
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Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle: Schools Girls Edition
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Wild Romance
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Pretty Girls Panic! (Chinese version only)
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Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire (Chinese version only)
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Slash or Die
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Slash or Die 2
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RepairBot
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Stellar Interface
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Trench Run
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12 Labours of Hercules VII: Fleecing the Fleece (Platinum Edition)
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A Dream For Aaron
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A Duel Hand Disaster: Trackher
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ARENA GODS
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Adelantado Trilogy. Book Two
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Adelantado Trilogy. Book one
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Adventures of Dragon
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Aircraft Evolution
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Alice in Wonderland - Hidden Objects
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Alicia Quatermain 2: The Stone of Fate
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Alicia Quatermain: Secrets Of The Lost Treasures
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Amelon
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BAD END
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BELPAESE: Homecoming
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Battle High 2 A+
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Beat The Game
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Bitcoin Miner
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Blind Men
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BlowOut
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Border of her Heart
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Bottom of the 9th
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Bravium
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Brawlout
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Broken Minds
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Burnin' Rubber 5 HD
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Chinese Ink Painting Puzzle & Creator
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ClickBit
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Coffee Crawl
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Crashday Redline Edition
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Crazy Pirate
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Crisis in the Kremlin
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Crystal Catacombs
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Crystals of Niberium
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Cube Zone
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Cubiques
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Cubiques 2
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Curse: The Eye of Isis
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Digital Resistance
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Disparity
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Drake of the 99 Dragons
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E-Startup
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Elbub
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FreeHolder
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Gladiator: Sword of Vengeance
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Goldmine
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Gothicc Breaker
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Hentai Puzzle
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Hentai Sokoban
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Hide The Body
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I.F.O
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Inexplicable Geeks: Dawn of Just Us
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Insert Paper: Update
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Joy Climb
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Judge Dredd 95
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Krampus Quest
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Krautscape
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LOOT BOX ACHIEVEMENT SIMULATOR
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Legend of the Skyfish
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Lunch Truck Tycoon
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MIND SHIFT
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Maze of Infection
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Mines of Mars
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Mini Ghost
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Mission: Escape from Island 2
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Moto Racer 4
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Moto Racer 4 - Space Dasher
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Moto Racer 4 - The Truth
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Navalny 20!8 : The Rise of Evil
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Negligee
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Neverliria
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Next Hero
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ORCS
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PLATI NALOG: Favorite Russian Game
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Panzer Hearts - War Visual Novel
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Paper Shakespeare: To Date Or Not To Date?
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Paradox Wrench
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Penny Arcade's On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 3
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Pixel Hentai Mosaic
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Pixelpunk XL
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Plant This
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Q-YO Blaster
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Questr
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Ravensword: Shadowlands
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River City Super Sports Challenge All Stars Special
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Rot Gut
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STATUS: INSANE
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SUPER BENBO QUEST: TURBO DELUXE
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Science Girls
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Shadowgrounds
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Shield Impact
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Shout Of Survival
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Spooky Cats
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Store Simulator
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Suna
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SwordBounce
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The Adventures of Elena Temple
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The Bluecoats: North vs South
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The God
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The Last Dawn : The first invasion
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The Lost Gardens
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The Reject Demon: Toko Chapter 0 - Prelude
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The Uncertain: Episode 1 - The Last Quiet Day
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They Are Hundreds
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Toy Odyssey: The Lost and Found
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Usual John
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Visceral Cubes
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WeakWood Throne
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Welcome to Princeland
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Wings of Vi
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World's Dawn
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Zombie Desperation
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the Line

🔥Please read with caution. Possible triggers 🔥
I grew up in a some what normal family being the younger of two sons. My father was alcoholic as I am also. Due to my father's drinking my parents were not happy and there were disagreements. Us boys were told daddy is not well. Also my father wax a truck driver and us boys only saw him on Sundays for a few hours. I never had a relationship with my father, no dissagreement, just very distant.
As a baby I became ill and hospitalised frequently to around 7 years of age. This left me feeling unwanted and unloved. About 5 years of age I was molested by a man once or twice. From 14 to 17 years of age I was raped by my brother ( I have forgiven him today. )
Today I know I have an addictive personality. If i get it I want it and lots of it. Food, alcohol, work, gambling, sugar, coffee, people please, sex, the list goes on.
As a young child I always felt differant. I did not belong . Almost like I was on the wrong planet. I longed to be "part of the crowed." At school I was picked on and bullied. This continued into high school and became much worse in my last 2 years of school. Again at work the bullying continued. We moved to a much larger town and a very large school of 1200 children. This was very difficult for me and I learned nothing in those 2 years.
At 16 I had to leave home for work, and I am very fragile and sensitive and away from my parents for the first time. I describe myself as a raw nerve ending in a big world.
Due to a strict upbringing by our mother I always thought I was in trouble. I was now on the defenceive trying to protect myself.
I became full of anger and hate. I could not trust anyone.
At about 17 I was introduced to alcohol. I went into blackouts, where I continued drinking but had no memory the next day. My drinking soon became a daily hapening. I became unreliable and untrustworthy
Soon after a man I worked with was being transferred back to the city. We had a send off at a club. Here I was introduce to poker machines. For many years they were my main form of gambling with horses and other things as well Anything with an instant result. Instant gratification was what I chased
I was to barely draw a sober breath for the next 17 years and my gambling became very heavy. By 26 years of age I lost my employment in a government position. Also I lost my drivers licence
I thought my world had ended and did not know what to do. I moved interstate to be with my brother and his family. I found work but due to my drinking, which was very heavy, I could not hold a job. Soon after I was to come to the city.
By 34 years of age I was to be married. 3 months later I took my last drink of alcohol i am now just short of 31 years sober.
However the gambling continued. I discovered the casino and roulette. It became my preferred thing.
At 58 years of age I was to leave work to care for my wife who was very ill. This gave me time on my hands most days I discovered online gambling. Then came day trading on the stock market. I became very successful and made a lot of money very quickly. Be warned please if you have a gambling addiction, please don't play the markets. To us it is gambling. Soon after i was to loose every thing. I mean every thing. My savings. My retirement money and all. I ended up over 40K in debt and no way out. I had to declare bankrupt.
I was to have one last run for a few weeks at gambling. This was only a small amount i lost.
I ended up going to Gamblers Anonymouse for a while. I also used this sub to help and was very active here for many months. This was a great help. Today I just take it one day at a time. I am convinced I can never gamble again, one day at a time.
I am a regular at my meetings of Alcoholics Anonymouse and run my gambling on that program.
I know today any addiction is a disease. That means i am an ill person who needs to get well Not a bad person who must be good.
Today I am just over 2 years free of gambling and have a good peacefull happy life. I am contented with what I have. I may not have a lot of money etc. However I have friends, love, happiness, contentment. I am at peace with myself and others.
If i can come from where I was to where I am, I know you too can. I wish you well on your own journey. Much love
Your friend John. 🌜🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌛
Summary. I began gambling at 17 on poker machines. I continued for 46 years. Lost every thing. Today I am happy and at peace and 2 years clean.

Rachel Schneider
ENG 477
Date 1/11/2021
Marsha Blackburn
A Writing Portfolio
I want to write my own fiction stories one day; I have had a book or two swimming around in my head so I will put the computer to good use and get that typed out one of these days. In this instance I chose my 5 stories and even though one is a marketing inquiry I had fun writing it, so here are my things and some background some of them.
Resume: It is a basic one because my photo ones were not particularly good, and this is an honest resume besides the ones I made for class and I did fudge on those.
Cover letter: I made up the cover letter though there is a penguin Books but it is always fun to use your imagination!
Hike with Drew: I got the concept from a Writer’s Digest and entered it into a contes I never got a response but good practice.
Short Story Vegas: Was one I did for another class but in here I changed it and the story was much better the second time.
Marketing Flyer: This was fun to do those are stock photos of the dogs and squeaky toys, but I like Pit Bulls and dog toys are fun as well.
Scott part 1-This is a story I am working on with another writer, warning its very sexy and some naughty words are in there as well.
Writing Samples: I made these three samples up one day because as I have looked for writing work, I have seen people want a sample of your work, so I came up with these.
Rachel
Schneider
​
3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 📷
951-743-8911 📷
[email protected] 📷
Rachel Schneider 📷
Rachel7Tori-Twitter 📷
📷
​
Objective
To get a career going in the fiction/short story writing industry my imagination can run with any scenario and to write is to live.
📷
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Education
Bachelor of Arts in English | Grand Canyon University
2017 – 2021
Took 15 different writing courses, creative writing and even two fun marketing classes all to polish up my craft. Carried a 3.0 GPA and did the courses all online as well.
No Degree Obtained | Riverside Community College
June 1994 – December 1996
Took these college courses but did not finish got 32 Units of Child Development Courses though which is what I was going for
📷
​
Experience
Cafeteria Worker 1
2008 Currently Employed.
Cook, Prep, serve food in a middle school setting, also clean, count inventory and do next day prep, cash handling and POS register experience.
Bell Ringer | Salvation Army
November 2007 – December 2007
Rang bell and collected donations for the salvation Army in front of various stores during the holiday season.
📷
​
Skills
Food handlers Card
CPR First Aid certified
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Grammar Proficiency
Spelling Proficiency
Can work from home
📷
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Activities
Have good use of social media and can help update or bring in new followers with my creative writing side. Have a Reddit account as well with 30 stories up on that site. Can speak a little Spanish and Hebrew as well.
951-743-8911
[email protected]
3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501
​

Rachel Schneider

Writer

​
​

Penguin Books

​

Dear JENNIFER MCGREGOR,

1/21/2021
Jennifer McGregor
Fiction Publisher
4587 Tropicana Rd.
Las Vegas NV 89102
​
I have included my resume for the short story writer for young adult novels. It has been a few years, but I currently work in a middle school, so I do see all the angst and sass that goes with being a young teen. I do hope my writing samples can help me move to the top of the list. I look forward to working with Penguin Books and letting kids know being a teen is hard at first, but it does not last forever.
Sincerely,
Rachel Schneider
Rachel Schneider
3867 Houghton Ave
Riverside CA 92501
It had been a long cold winter Drew and I could not get out for a morning hike till today. Being 75 degrees, we did not have to wear many layers. He is an extremely sweet inquisitive boy who always asks a lot of questions. Why does moss grow on the north side of trees” he asks? Its times like this when it would be nice to have my husband here, but he is overseas where the work is. “well, it’s not just the north side it’s on the shadier side because that is where the moisture is.”
On we went looking at snails on the ground watching the deer pass by along a ridge. Being quiet as to not startle them. “Mom he whispered it’s a bunny den they are coming out for food, he leaves a few carrot and lettuce scraps from last night’s dinner. I walked down the path and spotted some glorious Blue Jays and a Downey Woodpecker. “Listen Drew the woodpecker is getting the bugs out of the trees.” My sweet Drew was staring at the Bunnies, they are cute and fluffy after all. We followed our path down further after the bunnies went back to the den.
The skies were getting cloudy, so I hoped the rain was not going to come back. Though the weather report said there was a chance. My little explorer with his school uniform on was undeterred, I wish I could wear shorts on a 75 day and not be cold, it is always nice to be young. Walking along our path we spot some squirrels running in circles around the tree. “Why do the chase each other like that” Drew asks. “Maybe it’s a game for them like ring around the Rosie.”
On we trek to our favorite stream where the deer family are taking their drinks. I tell Drew we cannot skip stones right now we do not want to scare them. We look through the grass for more of his favorite bugs, saw some worms just below the dirt by a tree. Looking up we see a big spider web being made between two branches. The crows were making their calls in the distance. We are finally able to skip our stones in the stream. He gets some great skips going, and we collect some new rocks for our little garden back home.
Walking past the stream we climb up the embankment and up along the ridge where we see a Fox off in the distance. He or she walks the opposite direction we are going so it is a relief we can continue to the clearing. Where there are more bugs, rocks, and Bunnies. We pass the Deer family as they run up the hill to were, they mostly frolic or maybe they live up there. We stop for a snack of Apples, Almonds, and some cheese sticks. When we were finished Drew put a couple of slices in his pocket to feed the Bunnies, I am sure.
“Mommy we’re getting to the clearing now we can see the Bunnies and the last time Daddy, and I were here I got some neat rocks too.” Drew told ne enthusiastically, I did love his passion for nature, though again my husband is much better at the nature stuff. I am a pastry Chef ask me about desserts and I am your woman, about why moss grows on trees and hello Google. Since Dad is unavailable, I step in and let him explore and see the world outside of the house and off the screen.
It is just another half mile and it is on to the clearing. He starts to pull me hand a little harder I know he is excited. We pass under the tree I glance up and see the Fox again. Then we stop and see “Daddy home……
Name: Rachel Schneider
Course: ENG 361
Date: 4/14/2020
Instructor: Debbie Graves
One Week In Las Vegas
The countdown started Friday at 2pm I got the week off from this thing I call a job (just over broke). The car was packed, it was time to hit the road. The traffic was average and climbing the Cajon Pass was not that bad. I stopped in Baker to have my favorite meal at Bob’s Big Boy, the chili spaghetti, no onions. After making my way back on the highway the traffic picked up going out of Baker, through to Primm and Stateline. I had to stop for gas at Whiskey Pete’s, so I also went in and got some snack goodies. My favorite trail mix and some cheese potato chips because vending machines are too expensive. The road was beckoning so off I went, traveling through Jean is always nice, not much to see. A prison, a few remaining casinos, some outbuildings, and a truck stop. There slogan was always fun 40 smiles closer than Vegas. You can get bored so be sure to pack some music you can have your own car concert. “I’ll face it with a grin I’m never giving in, on with the show” (Show Must Go on by Queen)
Finally, the Vegas skyline is in sight, the lights are not on yet, but they will be needing to navigate around the strip. I do say a few words the terrible drivers. This vacation was so needed my job is crazy, my kids are older now and do not need mom around anymore. Off they went to grandma’s house and I booked the week at the Delano, it is attached to the Mandalay bay so perfect access to all the fun of the strip, and just enough luxury to not look cheap. Getting the valet to take the car I check into my genuinely nice room I have a great view of the Luxor light (that comes off the top of the hotel) and the Excalibur. Now off to indulge in that genuinely nice bathtub and get some overdue reading done. My bathroom with a view has the Luxor light and that is the brightest light on the Vegas strip it comes right out of the top of the Pyramid shaped hotel. A brightness of 42.3 billion candela, you could read a paper from 10 miles straight up if you wanted to.
Once I was well soaked and finished with my chapters it was time to find something to eat besides my snack foods. After cruising the room service options, I settled on some Mexican food of chorizo and eggs with nice corn tortillas. That hit the spot so with the extra energy it was time to get out for a stroll of the property. The indoor pool is nice but small and I want to soak up the sunshine and get some exercise so I shall hit the outdoor pool tomorrow. Back in the lobby I grab those ads for things to do in the city so I can plan out the rest of my trip. There are thousands of things to do in Vegas. Do not be disappointed if you do not get everything done, that is what the next trip is for. I have a beautiful week and I want to have a good time and not have to wait for anybody, I can do what I want. I got those and cruised up through the lobby and toward the casino on my way there I saw a sign for a food and wine festival. With that guy Zac from the travel channel. Thinking hmm I did not know he was interested in food or wine. I went down and found my favorite penny slot game Lucky cat. After 15 minutes I came out putting 20 in and winning 500, so I called it a night and went to the bar to catch a hockey game and grab a fun fruity drink (I like tequila sunrise, (Tequila, grenadine, and cranberry juice). As I am rooting for the Golden Knights (local Vegas hockey team) I looked over to my left and there was Zac from the travel channel, and he likes hockey too this is awesome, and I am trying not to be a fan girl.
The game was in intermission and the Knights were winning so it was time for a new fruity drink so this time I turned around to get back to the bar and bumped right into Zac, boy was my face red. After some apologies and an offer to buy my next fruity drink (a Strawberry Daiquiri) it was a yes and I spilled that I was a fan. He told me he does have an interest in food and wine not just chasing ghosts with his crew. We had some great conversation and when the game came back on, we both sat in the booth cheering the golden knights to their victory. Now I am buzzed and standing up was going to be fun, but Zac was a true gentleman and helped me to my feet. He offered to buy me dinner. The Taco Hut was a good place the tortillas were fresh, and the company was so cool. The conversation turned to food, wine, travel, and some stuff about me. The midnight hour rolled around, and Zac had an early morning, so we said goodnight, but he was staying one floor above me, so we agreed to go to the diner in the lobby for breakfast or brunch. At 10am I was enjoying my company and this great stick to your ribs breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns and some great watermelon) The food offerings in Vegas are so varied you can get everything from a hot dog and beer for 1.99 at the Orleans, to a 5-star meal at Caesar’s Palace the buffets are great too. Although sometimes you want a nice sit-down dinner.
The conversation was effortless the attraction was deep. We made plans to see each other again after the food contest he was judging was over. Saying goodbye was a bit hard but the hand holding was sweet and made me feel like a schoolgirl again. After saying goodbye and I did watch him walk into the convention hall I went back to my room to plan out the rest of my day. I chose a tour of the Mob Museum, they say that Vegas was built with Mob money, but it was a Mormon founded town that later Hollywood discovered. Then many people in Hollywood who were well connected (such as East Coast mobsters) financed Bugsy Segal to build the Flamingo Hotel. As I was putting my shoes on, I got a knock on the room door and as I opened it, I got some flowers (pink roses) and an all-access pass to the food and wine festival courtesy of Zac. Let us just say the Mob Museum can wait for later I got to go to a food and wine festival and spend the rest of the week with Zac. “hi Zac thanks for the flowers it was sweet of you to remember.” He said, “It’s always right to remember a ladies flower preference because that’s the right thing to do.” Smiling the rest of the day I meet other travel channel celebrities and got to taste some great foods and many different wines. The food and wine offerings at the hotels and restaurants are varied, the Las Vegas area have become very international, so the varieties are endless.
The week went by in a blur of food, wine, conversation, and some sweet dates. I never thought I would get over the break-up that happened the week before. Getting a private Vegas tour was something completely special. I did get to see the Mob Museum, Mandalay Bay Fine Art Museum, seven magic mountains, Pinball Hall of fame and a private dinner at the food and wine festival. My days in Vegas were down to one. We had reservations at Rivera right here at the Delano the view is amazing, the food is impressive with Italian and French offers. “I have had a wonderful time this week Zac thank you for mending my broken heart.” He looked at me for a minute and said, “it’s been a pleasure to get to know you and I would not mind visiting your hometown, you always have a reason to come back to Las Vegas. The next food and wine festival is around Christmas, this one will include chocolate.” Hitting the 15 early the next morning I have visions of Christmas, a pass to the food and wine festival, also a brand-new relationship to take back home with me.
The End
When writing a short story, you want to keep it from rambling and have enough details to keep it fresh. When your reader gets into the story you want them to feel like they are there with you, going to the food and wine festival, on that hike through the seven-mountains or touring the mob museum. The details are the thing to see and make sure to watch out for punctuation and common language. An average short story is within 6,00 words or 24 pages. If you wanted too you could go short-short story and that is between 500 and 2,00 words. That comes out to be 6 pages (Minot, Steven Ch. 7 pg. 41), talk about short stories. The story is all your length and style matter as much as how you want it to come into focus.
Minot, Steven and Theil Daniel Three genres the writing of literary pose, poems and plays Ninth edition Pearson Publications 2012
Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium
August 18,2019📷📷
24755 Holly Grove Way
Brookings OR, 97415
Dear Dogs, Rule the World
I am Rachel Schneider from the Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium we make extra bouncy dog toys for our furry friends. We investigated different marketing companies and choose you to do our direct to customer marketing. The way the website is set up the customers can get the product’s directly from you is easier than a multi-level marketing plan. The distribution of Bouncy Dog Toy will be a one level channel, we will provide the toys you market, and we sell them. I would like to get some videos of our company dogs Mac and Stella playing with the toys so you can post on the website. A link for the company can also be included so the consumers know where the toys came from, what they are made of and any other facts about Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium.
Sincerely, Rachel V Schneider
Mac and Stella company dogs and testers 📷
📷 📷📷 📷A sample of our products, our bounciest toys.
Scott’s Story Part 1
I am Scott Thorn, and I am going back to WDU for the first time in 15 years, I went here for a year but after I came out as gay there really were no gay dudes. I am all men but yeah lesbians were all around some BI guys but no real gay dudes. I went back to the mainland and attended Preston University I majored in administration and minored in Literature. I did at one point in my life have a girlfriend and wanted to marry her, but I could not quash the gay lifestyle. That part of my life is over and now the old school offered me a counseling job, have not done this in a while. I get to help students toward there after college career.
I sit here on this boat and keeping an eye on my 75 Triumph I have some nerves, but it is mostly about seeing this place again, so as the boat pulls up, I get my bike going and make a stop at my new on campus apartment. Its west facing because I like sunsets more than sunrise, so I did not know it needed so much work. I have some handy skills but a little at a time. The kitchen is decent and so is the bathroom. The floors will need some polish and the deck needs to be stained, this is a duplex, so I hope the neighbors are quiet. It is furnished and done nicely so I cannot complain too much, but back on the bike to see the Dean.
I get my bike set with the kill switch and walk up the way to the Admin building, I am pretty much the only one dressed. I am wearing my good black jeans and my dress shirt, in my favorite color Maroon. I do remember this place was obsessed with sex so I will stick out wearing clothes, as I enter the building at least more admin people are dressed. Miss Grant the secretary shows me to my new office, its spacious much bigger that my last one at Preston where I shared a cubicle with another person. I have files from past students and current ones, so I started filing them when Dean Kane walks in, booty shorts and a tank top. “Welcome back to WDU Scott, we look forward to seeing you succeed you come very recommended.” I could hardly concentrate because this Dean was hung but I persevered and said, “Thank you sir I look forward to helping young students find there after WDU careers.”
After he left, I had to get my rise to settle then I continued filing and looking through some files. Clarissa Love that was a name that got around even all the way to Preston. I think she does the Jax in the bedroom or something like that. I started looking around and thought I need some life in this office so I asked Miss Grant about decorating and she said I could do what I wanted but no painting, so I went to town and checked out a flea market. I found some pictures of the beaches of Canada, some old homes in the area and a few movie posters from Rocky horror Picture Show (it is my favorite). The flea market said they will deliver to the school tomorrow so I told them I will be there at 9am.
Now with my day done I get to the store to buy some groceries and realize this place uses sextons and I was down to my last few, so now I will need to exchange but thankfully a bank is nearby so I can get some of my mainland money exchanged. I pull up to my new pad off load my few groceries and notice some other tenant left beer in the fridge, talk about luck. I got the beer went to the deck and watched the sunset over the sky. It was going to be new here, but I needed a fresh start after getting dumped and losing the job because my ex was in upper management, never will I do that again. I will find someone who does not work in the school system. After I ate a roast beef and cheddar sandwich for dinner, watched some cooking shows it was time for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I heard the neighbors having sex. Oh, goody they are not quiet. hope they do not have super energy either. Tomorrow is my first full day and I have decorating to do, fantastic they stopped, that is the thing with us older people we do not fuck like bunnies anymore. As far as I know the neighbors are lesbians so who knows.
Sample 1- If I try my hardest, I could muster up enough courage to ask the prettiest girl in school to prom. I had a suit; bolo tie and I will shine my old boots up. The thing is my courage is not as strong as my best friend Nick, now there is one brave dude who just asked the girl I wanted to go to prom with and of course she said yes. I gather myself close my locker and put on my best smile for them both. Nick and I high five and I hug her, trying to be genuine but it is hard. I head to my Social studies class and sit down next to Megan she looks at me with some concern I tell her what happened, she then asks me to Prom…...
Sample 2-Wishing I did not have to be here I sit at the back of the funeral and think about my old high school principal. I grew up in a small town and everyone knew everyone, we only had one school and you went there for kindergarten through senior year. After my graduation I packed up my old car and headed out to what I thought was the real world. Living in a bigger city only helped spur my loneliness so who says you cannot come home again, well Mom for starters because I abandoned my family, I am not welcome at home ever again (so tired of her drama), so I am staying at Principal Mason’s house yes, the same principal that I am at a funeral for I held her hand as she lay there succumbing to cancer……
Sample 3-If you really want to get over a breakup getting back on the horse will help things along. I thought that too seven lousy dates ago so here I am on date number 8 and I am not seeing any birds singing or rainbows in the sky. He steps away to take a call he is a particularly important lawyer after all (I need to fix my picker) after he comes back, he says it go time the jury has come back so off he goes. I finish my drink and head back to my brownstone close by, I pass the new chocolate shop that just opened, and I get inside and see chocolate heaven. Looking around I do not see him at first but there he is my old college lab partner Sam I just saw a rainbow…….

9.
As they turned 16 years old, the cousins heard much from and about a new upstart in competition named Monty whose last name was Montalvo and from whom many foul rumors concerning the cousins had originated. Ana and her antics had alienated enough of their customer base that they sided with Monty and laughed as they shared the insulting falsehoods to each other about Juan and Ana.
Some said that Ana was, in fact, not attracted to men at all and was, indeed, a closet lesbian. This was, according to Monty and those who spread his gossip, the reason that she could never be found with any boy other than her cousin and why she had been so effective selling cocaine, for even her connection, according to the rumors, was a manly, shorthaired Mexican woman who worked for the cartels and from whom Ana enjoyed great favor as the stud woman’s much younger and beautiful lover.
There was hearsay, also from Monty, that contradicted this. It implied that the cousins’ relationship was more than familial. Versions of this varied depending on who told it. Some said that secretly they’d attempted to get married and made no mention of a child. Others never said anything about a marriage but proclaimed that when Juan and Ana were still 13 years old, they’d had a child together. And this child was taken from them by the state being the result of their incestuous love affair. Still, some versions of the bruit said that the child was never taken by the state at all. They said it was born a mangled mess of twisted limbs and a misshaped head, a result of the inbreeding, and had died the very night it was born. Some whispered that the infant’s remains were buried by Juan and Ana in the forest around Valle Escondido.
For Ana, the must grotesque and insufferable of all the lies coming from their competitor said that she only wore skirts to hide the fact that she’d been born with male genitalia. It was purported that she’d been born a hermaphrodite. And as if such vulgar conjecture weren’t horrible enough, there were multiple standing bets among Monty’s minions which speculated not only about the existence of such testicles, but their size and shape and even the odor they emanated.
Many of the cousins’ customers and cohorts knew better. For Taos is small, and there is no way that such things could be hidden among the native-born, but this Monty had only moved to town from Colorado Springs the summer before. His brother was a police officer named Jose Montalvo, and a week after Juan and Ana had someone call Monty to meet by the Old Blinking Light and the cousins shot up his car in the darkness, Officer J. Montalvo pulled the cousins over. They were at the northside Allsup’s getting some chimichangas. Juan’s orange soda had just exploded as he opened it when the red and blue lights flashed behind them.
They pulled over in the Kit Carson Trailer Park. It was lucky for them that they were not out doing business, so nothing could be found, no gun, no drugs, nothing. Monty’s older brother made it clear who he was and why he had stopped them.
“Next time, I’ll call the dogs. And next time, you’ll be in possession. My brother says hello.” He said, flashing his light in their eyes and laughing and leaving back to his car.
On a Sunday at 1 a.m. and the Monday night following at 11:52, gun shots blasted from the dirt driveway up to Cherry’s trailer. A bullet shattered Ana’s window and thudded in the wall above her head. Another put a hole in her bedroom door. Other of the projectiles deflated the tires of their trusty Pontiac and shattered its windows and busted the radiator.
Cherry kicked them out. They purchased another vehicle—a wood-paneled van—and holed up at a bed and breakfast owned by a white hippy lady in Sipapu. From their room, Ana made plans to thwart the territorial advances of Monty and the help he was getting from his brother. It was told her that Jose Montalvo drove a yellow Datsun and rented an apartment behind the northside Guadalajara Grille, so she prepackaged a sandwich bag full of smaller bagged increments of the powder and visited the Datsun under cover of a frozen night and stuffed the bags of drugs into the small, shelved space under the driver seat. After that, she and Juan drove to Santa Fe, where they found and rented a trailer on Cerrillos in an immigrant trailer park.
They would start anew in Santa Fe, and after a week of being there, Ana called her old relative—the detective Gilbert Sandoval—and told him over the payphone receiver that she was the worried older sister of a young boy who’d been caught up in the world of drugs. She said she knew that her little brother’s supplier sold cocaine and kept a cache of drugs hidden under the front seat of his yellow Datsun which he kept parked in front of a small, squatty apartment behind the northside Guadalajara Grille. Old Gilbert spoke sincerely saying that he would do his best to find out what was going on, and in another week, Ana and Juan heard from one of their old customers that drug dogs had been walked behind the vehicle and signaled and a warranted was executed on the vehicle. The news even showed up in the Santa Fe paper. It said the investigation was ongoing and other parties were expected to be involved in a drug ring.
As that January ended, Juan and Ana became desperate. Sales were way down, and except for a few faithful customers with whom they corresponded over their newly purchased Nokia cellphone and met in Pojoaque and at the Camel Rock Casino. Sometimes, Juan goaded Ana to suck it up and ask Michael or Antonia for help up in Chimayo, but she always responded the same.
“Juan, this only works the way it does, because it is this way. We can’t go sit on top of him and Antonia’s man’s business in Española, que no?”
“Yeah. You’re right. You’re right,” Juan responded, but both of them could not ignore the depleted income and struggle to feel good about their time in Santa Fe.
“We’ll get back to Taos, eventually. I promise. We just have to wait till things blow over, until our boy is arrested and put away. Then, we’ll return to get our glory, cousin. I promise.”
And so, they sat outside of bars in their van and solicited the young white and well-to-do artsy types downtown, standing in the snow and smoking cigarettes and pot in their leather shoes. Some of the men had twirly mustaches, and some of the women wore rings in their noses and had hair in their armpits. They reeked of patchouli and burnt sage.
Others, though, were richer and lived on their daddy’s money or trust funds. They were dropouts from universities in places like Tempe, Arizona or Boulder, Colorado. And it wasn’t long before a tall, black-haired girl with big blue eyes and an even bigger nose parked her car outside of their trailer and slept in Juan’s bed and lay around lazily all day. Sometimes, Tiffy—as she called herself and short for Tiffany—helped them sell their product, and other times, she used the money her father sent her to buy it herself. Other times, she earned her stash of cocaine from Juan with her strange white flesh. But still, times were hard. Sales were down.
A connection they’d made through Tiffy had connected them to another buyer who went by the name Scratch or Scratchy. He was reliably in need of an ounce or more toward the end of every work week when he came up from Albuquerque. In many ways, this guy seemed a godsend, but as they met him more and more, Ana became leery of him. She’d had a nightmare about him, and in her own mind, she silently called him ‘The Worm.’ There was something about him that scared her, though she couldn’t place it.
He had creases in his face and was short with wild looking eyes and strong teeth and hands. They met him at night in the snow on the side of the road in Bernalillo or in the afternoon in Dollar Store parking lots. He only talked to Juan, but long after they’d left him, his looks and stares would stay with Ana who kept her hand on a pistol in the front seat at every deal they did. On a few occasions, Juan relayed messages back to Ana from the man about how pretty she looked and that if she was ever hungry for an expensive dinner, he’d be happy to take her out.
One day, Juan jumped back into the front seat of their van, and Ana asked,
“Got the cash or what?”
“Got the feria right here, cousin!”
And shook her head and pulled her lip back in disgusted uncertainty, watching Scratch’s taillights pulling out of the parking lot and driving off into the sunset.
“What, Ana? Ain’t this cherry?”
“It’s cherry… but…”
“But what?”
“But… I don’t know about this guy.”
“Don’t know about him?”
“Yeah, Juan. Why’s he so splotchy? Huh? Why’s he look so crazy?”
“He’s a whiteboy, Ana. C’mon. You know that.”
“I see a lot of whiteboys. None of them look like him. He looks like a worm to me.”
“A la verga!” Juan drew the words out in exaggeration.
“What?”
“You like the money or what?”
“Doesn’t matter if I like it. We need it.”
“Exactly.”
“What did he say?”
“What did he say? Oh cousin, I see what’s going on here.”
“What?”
“You want to know what he said? A la verga! You’re a funny one, cousin.”
“Okay. So, he didn’t say anything.”
“Well, if you hate him so much, then what you wanna know what he says for?”
Ana shrugged, understanding that she was showing Juan a hand she didn’t know she held. Juan went on,
“He asked what kind of gun you were holding onto and said for you not to shoot him.”
Ana laughed loudly and asked,
“Well, what did you say?”
“I told him it was just a nine.”
“Funny,” she said and touched her lips for a moment. She looked through the window as they drove north to Santa Fe.
“Yeah, Ana. Better get a grip on yourself.”
“Pshh… whatever.” But what she had just revealed to Juan was also just revealed to her at that same moment. Ana didn’t know what her feelings were until Juan saw it. Then, she knew. Then, she understood what she was experiencing, and now, as they drove, she pressed her toes through her shoes and into the floorboard. Her knees bounced. Her cheeks pulled the corners of her mouth up into a smile that she couldn’t help, and in spite of all her giddiness, she said what she still thought, “Yeah, Juan. But I still think he’s gross. I still think he’s a worm.”

I don't have anyone to talk to and I just need to get this off my chest. Full disclosure, this is a throwaway account
I don't want to be alive but I'm too much of a coward to end it.
It started about 3yrs ago when I met the love of my life. She was beautiful, funny, shared a lot of the same interests. At 36 I found belief in "soulmates". I knew she had a pretty shady past with relationships (cheating, etc) but I was honestly able to look past all that. It was love at first sight. She has 4 great kids (I never had any), and they all took to me fast, the youngest even calling me Daddy, even though her boo dad was still in the picture. She wasn't able to have any more kids naturally,but we had been considering looking into medical assistance to have one of our own {This plays later}. I've never been the kind of guy to get beautiful women, never felt I was that good looking. Kinda chubby, not great talking to women. But some how I found this beautiful, sexy woman that wanted me
We moved in together about 2yrs ago, and everything was great, perfect even. Then she got a a job at a casino near us, and everything started going south. Casinos, in general, are toxic. Internal drama, rumors, interpersonal "actiivities". I soon discovered, by accident, that she was still messaging some of her friends that were former lovers, or simp love interests (including one that worked at her casino - her supervisor. I accidently saw her texting one of them, and it was pretty inappropriate for friends. I sent a message to her "friend" at the casino, respectfully asking him not to flirt with her anymore, and apparantly I screwed up. I recognize I should have gone straight to her, but I didn't know how to properly broach the subject. That escalated into our very first fight, but we got through it. I thought she understood how i felt about her flirting with other men like she was, and she said she would stop. Around this time I also discovered that her best friend, who we were babysitting his kid, was also a former lover years ago, but I was OK with him,as we had met and became friendly
Afewmonths later I discovered she was texting another formerlover, this time sending pics of herself in bra/panties, and reminiscing over past sexual encounters, talking about how she "Loved when his toes curled when she sucked him off", and how he "Loved how she came while riding him". She would disappear for 3-8hrs after work, claiming to be going on drives to have time with herself to decompress, but I later found out that she was actually going to a male coworkers house, and was lying about it. This time I blew up, and it was worse after the last time,and her knowing how I felt about it. Not to mention know that he is mentally unstable, and sometimes prone to violence. He played the victim, and she went on the defensive over her actons, saying how it was harmless, and the pics weren't nude. This fight led to me moving into our spare bedroom for a few months. During that time I felt low, my self esteem was destroyed. I met a girl at work,and even though it never became sexual, we flirtedalot. I honestly wasn't sure if our relationship was over, or would heal. I know it was wrong,and I take full responsibility for my actions, nor try to makee excuses.
She had sent some unsolicited nudes, and I didn't stop her. None others were sent after those. At one point she had made a pretty dark joke,and not thinking I made a joke about wanting her to have my babies. The flirting remained light after that, and I had told her I was in a relationship, but it was not in a good place. I think she was taking pity on meandflirting to make me feel better. Shortly after that my GF and I had started to reconcile, I moved back into our room, and even though the flirting didn't stop completely, it died down alot. In the course of reconciling, I agreed to try to be more understanding of her flirtatious nature, and I continued to lightly flirt with the girl at work.
One night I forgot my phone at home, and my GF got on and started going through everything. I don't have to spell out how that went over. She pieced together who the pics were from (I honestly can't say why I even kept them), and read through all the messages. Even though the babies comment was made as a joke, she didn't take it that way, and started texting with the girl at work. It blew up, and she almost left, but we agreed to try to work through everything. I completely broke contact with the girl at work, but GF still kept the flirty friends.
About 5 months later I had a major falling out with my family, finding out my brother had manipulated my mother into disowning me {eventhough I was taking care of her in her failing health}, and then my entire family disowned me, my brother literally wishing me dead, and trying to destroy my legal credibility. I was able to survive, mentally and emotionally, only because I had my GF and her family(who basically adopted me last year).
Even though things were seeming to get better, apparently they were getting worse between us. Our sex life went from almost every day, to 1-2 aweek, to sometimes 1-2 amonth. With COVID I lost my (great) job, so as backup I went to work where my GF works. Last month my cousin had a heart attack and died, and I took it hard {we were more like siblings growing up, but adult life we drifted apart}, and then my brother started in with his crap, trying to make it even worse, trying to egg me to suicide. Again, I survived all this because of my GF and her family. By this point,however, we were fighting more than making love.
2 weeks ago, during another fight, she broke everything off and moved into the spare room, moving everything of her within a day, took away my key to our van, changed all the wifi passwords, and told our youngest she didn't have to call me daddy anymore. And pretty sure she's already had sex with someone else to prove she's over me. One of the biggest thing that hurts, and affects my self esteem and thinking about ending it, is I suffer from chronic pain, neuropathy and gout, and one of the side effects is severe sweating. She keeps saying one of the big things in the break up, is I smell different, and she's not attracted to me anymore. The biggest part of that is the pain sweats causing a change in BO, not gross, just stronger than normal. Even though she hassaid, multiple times, that unchangeable medical conditions would never change her thinking,since she also suffers from different type of chronic pain {Migraines}. I'm not looking for sympathy, I know I've done so much wrong
This leads to now, and my emotional rock bottom. In 1 instant I lost my GF {who I was literally planning to propose to at Christmas}, my kids, my friends {that were hers originally}, independent transportation, set a countdown to being homeless {we rent a house together}, and probably die alone.
I've considered the different ways to end it, but all scare me that I might faill and survive. This isn't a"cry for help", or a pity party for sympathy, that's why I used my throw away. I just needed to get this off my chest before I get up the courage to do it. Talk to Reddit like it was a person. I've heard all the normal platitudes, "You'll get through this", "There's other fish", "You have so much to live for". I don't though. I literally don't have anything, and even closer to having less, probably skipping the last month of rent to get a cheap car to live in. If I go that long.
This isn't a cry for help, maybe it's my manifesto, or my final note. I just know I needed to talk about it. I'll probably get some that will laugh it off and call me an attention seeker, glad I could lighten your day. I doubt it will be today, or tomorrow. But maybe I'll eventually build up the courage. Some will call me weak, or a coward for thinking this way. I already know. You can't insult me more than I do myself. I don't even know if I'll log on to this account again. I'm not condoning the course of action I'm considering, please don't do what I'm considering.
If you've made it this far I'm sorry, this wasn't originally a rant. It all just kinda poured out