“...and walk away with a trip to beautiful Las Vegas Nevada! Enjoy a complimentary 5 day 4 night stay at any MGM casino resort all on us! No nonsense, no gimmicks. Just a bit of your precious time! Call today!”
Yes. A vacation extravaganza all on the arm. Courtesy of the Hibou Timeshare Corporation. All it cost was your time and cooperation for a timeshare presentation. Simple enough yes? I wish I would have realized how much better a couple of overtimes would have served me, than taking myself to that horrid building.
I was living in Phoenix AZ with my parents. Still half way bullshitting my final semester at college. I’ve got to be honest, I was checked out. It was summer..I was going to graduate and I had these final two classes in the bag. I could have failed my finals and still walked out with a C. Yes but that kind of luxury came at a price. My social life was the casualty in all of this. While I did have a tight knit of pals, my attendance to social gatherings were...well..less than punctual. I was usually doing work for one of my advanced classes. If not that, then I was pulling a shift at either of my jobs. Yeah..you could say I gave up the glamour of late night pizzas, puking in my friends car and hooking up with a random ASU frat sluts for a heavier wallet...except I was paying everything out of my own pocket. My gas, insurance, cell, college. I wasn't exactly hiding cash in the walls. My parents worked hard but..never did make a living to give me and my siblings an extravagant lifestyle. We were grateful though.
So when I heard that AD of how I could get a long needed vacation to party central Las Vegas, all for watching some BS timeshare I knew I wasn’t going to buy into, you bet your ass off I made that call. The phone only rang once before I got an answer,
“Thank you for calling the Hibou Timeshare Corporation, how can we help you?” a voice rang through the phone. The voice sounded shrill and sickly.
“Hi, I'm calling about the vacation in Vegas? Says that you need people for a presen..”
“Yeessss.” the voice interrupted “The timeshare presentation, well...we would be so honored to have you”
“Uhh..yeah...anyway I’d like to sign up? Is there a form online or do you take the information here?” I said..now feeling a bit tense.
“Well I'll tell you what...pack your things for the vacation. When we are finished presenting..we can send you on our way to Vegas. We just need..a bit of your time.”
That was that. He gave me the address, date and time of the meeting. The area was in a place called Amargosa Valley in Nevada. Luckily it was just about an hour away from Vegas. Before we parted ways on the phone, the operator said something...he said something that should have been a MAJOR red flag.
“Okay then, you’re all set...we will see you July 28th at 4:30pm. Not a moment later” he laughed
“Oh..and..one more thing, if you have some more specimens like yourself that might be interested in the free vacation...bring them along. They’ll all receive the same prize and you will receive $100 cash for every person you bring. We look forward to presenting you, Austin. Good day.”
I never gave him my name.
Still, my young dumb brain didn’t hear anything past $100 dollars. So I rounded up a few of my best pals and we were set to meet the reps over at the timeshare. The days leading up to the trip I couldn't get a hold of myself. It was so exciting. My first real vacation in...i couldn't remember how long. I longed for this type of adventure with my friends. We packed a truck full and set off to Amargosa Valley.
I brought Luke, Larry and Adam. We’d been friends since the 3rd grade. We all moved to AZ from different parts of the country that summer, so being new kids we naturally ganged up together. Luke was from Texas..we called him Tex. Real big guy. Loved to work out but definitely was a bit of a boozebag. Larry was from Ohio. Quiet in public but probably the loudest of us all. Always had some political conspiracy to talk about. Then Adam..Adam was interesting. He was from Florida...or Georgia...or Nebraska. Adam never could keep it straight about where he was from. He always had some sort of story and backtrack about where he’d come from. I personally thought he was probably from another part of AZ and just wanted to fit in...so we humor him and let him be the nomad of our group. I myself was originally from California...things got pricey so we made the move to blistering AZ.
That was my crew. No matter how long it had been, we were always as tight as ever. The ride was filled with laughing and gags. Stops at fast food joints and all around bullshitting. Yes it was an amazing time just driving there, we couldn't wait to get on with the meeting and head down to Boozeville USA. As we approached our destination...something felt off. Amargosa Valley had been a bit of a ghost town the whole drive. A gas station here. A small outlet there...but otherwise unpopulated. When we hit our destination we were met by a Chrome building. Smack center in the middle of the highway. As we parked at the only stall..we all took a look at each other.
“Well this is...odd.” Luke said plainly.
“Yeah man...are we really going there?” Adam shook out. Barely containing his fear.
“Look guys, I know it looks weird. This place is really clean and bright in the middle of a dusty desert but c’mon. It's like what...an hour of our time? Within 2 hours we’ll be on our way to the dopest guys trip ever.” I said...selfishly.
The guys all agreed. We got out, locked the car up and walked in through the sliding glass doors. The cool air hit us like a wave. Each of us breathing in the refreshingly cold air. The inside of this lobby..was also immaculate. Chrome everywhere. Right down to the sofas and chairs. A woman came from around the front desk.
“You must be here to be presented. I see you brought more specimens! What a joy! Will you gentlemen please follow me?” She said.
Specimens. Ugh. Her tone. That word still makes me shutter.
Me and the boys looked at each other..all with the same should we do it look on our faces. Maybe it was the cold air enticing our sweaty brows. We’d been a poorly AC’D truck for a couple hours. Or maybe it was the ice cold drinks she presented in front of us. Whatever the case we followed her through a door behind the front desk and were met with a grand auditorium. It looked as if it could hold maybe 50 people. And all they had was me and my knucklehead friends. As we sat down, sucking down sodas and waters, a mans voice came over the intercom.
“Welcome my friends to the Hibou Timeshare Corporation presentation. Today you will be examining the lifetime of these vessels. Determine whether or not you think they are a smart investment and make a choice if you would like to partake!” I recognized the voice. It was the same shrill tone that I set up the appointment with.
“Now my dear friends, it's time to sit back with your favorite drink...and listen..”
With that, a large projector screen came down from the celine. An old timey countdown began winding down.
BEEP3...BEEP2...BEEP1
From what I can remember, I heard the screams of something...unnatural. A scream so high tone that I felt as if my ears would burst with blood. I tried clasping my hands over my ears but to no avail. The screams were too overpowering. As soon as it started, I passed out.
I awoke looking at the lights on the celine. Unable to sit up. I could tell I was bareass naked on a metal table. I moved my head, the little that i could to see Adam next to me on another table. Naked as the day we were born. He was encased in what looked like a light purple energy field. Looking more in depth, I too had this field in front of me. Before I could speak the tables raised up. Bringing me upright. Bringing me face to face with Tex. To the left of me..Larry. “My friends, I present to you: Terramite 99-0 specimens.” a voice rang out. The same voice from the auditorium.
“They are..of the male species. Strong. Cunning and above all loyal...if raised properly.”
“HEY, you bastards. WTF is this! LET US GO!” Tex cried out. Before he could continue, the energy field tightened around him. Tex let out a scream that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The smell of burned flesh and hair filled the area. I would have puked had the horror of seeing my best friend being burned alive wasn't keeping my attention away from the smell. When the field lifted, Tex was stripped down to the muscle fibers. Hair burned down to the scalp. Tex convulsed until he finally relaxed into a hanging position on the table.
“Now see..specimen is now sedated. Reduced to a weaker position. With the energy field keeping him contained and the Auto-Reversal Time Warp engaging, we can have this specimen back into working shape immediately.”
There was an electrical hum in the air. As before my eyes, Tex’s skin began to heal. His hair growing back. And all burns subsiding. It was as if nothing had happened to him. He still hung in limbo, but we could see the breath return to his chest.The rest of us let out bits of gasps of horror and astonishment.
I could see Adam crying a bit in the corner of my eyes.
A figure appeared from behind me. A tentacle graced my shoulder, not even phased by the force field. I caught sight of the creature. It stood around 7foot tall. Skin that looked human but a head that was elongated. No nose. And eyes that were black as coal. It had two tentacles for hands. I could not see its feet, as it was covered by a long gown.
Larry screamed in anger. “Your...your...a...a…” he managed to get out before the creature silenced him.
“Shhhh….I am...a salesman is all. Now my friends I will demonstrate the life cycle of the Terramite 99-0’s.”
With that, Larry's forcefield began to hum. Right before my eyes Larry began to get...smaller. Not in stature necessarily, no, but in age. He went from being a young man..to a teenager..to that kid i met in 3rd grade..to an infant. His cries were extremely loud. Unaware of the horrors around him. At that moment I could hear Adam's field begin to hum.
“Please no! Please!” Adam begged.
“If you will direct your attention to our third pod:”
Adam then began to scream as he went from a young man..to middle aged man...to retirement age and finally...to a decrepit old man. Hair as white as snow. Wrinkled beyond recognition. Each breath looking to nearly be his last.
“From birth to the declining ages of 70 and beyond the Auto-Reversal Time Warp pods are the perfect tool to use when training your armys, your children, your slaves. Imagine...never having to replace workers. Never worrying if your training methods or punishments might go too far. Never losing a prisoner to death. And though the Terramites look to be difficult to control, I can guarantee their cooperation once put through the proper training.” The creature said. Full of glee in his dead eyes.
Between the crying of baby larry and incoherent babbling of old man adam, the room felt like it was spinning. Just when I thought things couldn't get any stranger, the rest of the lights came to life. The room we were in were surrounded by seats, similar to the ones we sat in. However, sitting in these seats were ghastly creatures of different varieties. Some looked like the salesman creature. Others were ogreish. Large bodied creatures covered in a film of slime. Some of them even looked human. It was the eyes though...their eyes were a teal color with white pupils. Many many creatures looked up me and my friends. All of them began clapping their hands and cheering in unison. The claps were deafening. The cries of the baby felt as if a baseball bat was ramming my head. Adams babbling was terrifyingly disturbing. And Tex...hanging there. Eyes rolled back into his skull. I couldnt imagine the hell he began to feel. At this point I wondered what awaited my fate. The clapping stopped abruptly.
“Oh...Austin...yes, well if you want to know what fate awaits you just shut your eyes. Shut your eyes and quietly count back from 3.” the creature said...was he reading my mind?
Suddenly the urge to close my eyes overtook me. Almost as if I had no choice, I began counting down. 3….2….1….
Everything went black. I wasn't sure if i was alive or dead...or somewhere in between. I saw nothing but black for what felt like a lifetime. And in an instant...I heard that same shrill scream. Only this time I could not cover my ears. I couldn’t feel my body but I felt an unimaginable amount of pain. As the scream grew to its peak, I slammed my eyes open. Trying to catch my breath.
I was back in the car...we were all back in the car. The engine was on. Shitty ac blasting. The others were still out. I sat up in my seat. Not wanting to move too suddenly. The sun was beating down on us. I looked over at the time on the dash…July 28th 4:34 pm. I reached into my shirt pocket and I found several vouchers for the MGM hotels in Vegas along with $300 dollars. I also found a card that simply read “Hibou Timeshare Corp. would like to thank you for a bit of your time”
The boys came too. All feeling rather groggy.
“We all fell asleep huh?” Adam laughed. “We here?”
They didn't remember a thing. Not one thing. Not going in...not the reception area...not the freaky timeshare presentation...not one bit. I lied...i told them that while they were sound asleep, we arrived a little earlier than expected. The presenter had an emergency and left our vouchers at the front desk and apologized profusely.
“Wow, what a gentleman!” Tex laughed. “We definitely owe it to him to sit through another timeshare, probono.” Larry added.
I think it's safe to say that I will not be returning to this or any other timeshare. As I drove away I could see the building disappear in the rear view mirror.
So if you’re traveling deep within the southwest of the United States and hear an ad for a free vacation that's too good to be true...do yourself a favor..turn off the radio, call into work and ask for some overtime..because nothing is ever given for free.

I noticed this case has never been discussed on this forum (at least according to the search I ran), and thought it deserved some attention. I recently covered this case on my podcast - yes, shameless plug - and found it to be a fascinating case. Here's a brief summary of what I learned.
Liston was born poor in Arkansas. No, poorer than that. So poor that shoes were a luxury. He wasn't able to go to school so he could try to help support his huge family (he was the 24th of 25 kids). Being black, uneducated, illiterate, and dressed in rags meant he had no legitimate job options. So he turned to crime.
He eventually was sent to prison for five years after being convicted of armed robbery. In a very real way, this was a blessing for Liston. It was the first time in his life he didn't have to worry about food or clothes. He actually had free time. He used that time to box, and the prison gym's sponsor, Father Stevens, noticed the kid had talent. No one could beat him in the prison. So Father Stevens began training Liston to become a professional boxer.
When Liston was released, he immediately turned to boxing. But he had a tough time finding opponents. Why? He was too scary looking. No one wanted to be in the ring with him. He needed a professional manager to make a career of this sport and soon found one - in the mob. With the mob's backing, Liston quickly developed a reputation as a fearsome, almost unstoppable warrior. Besides, the mob controlled boxing during this era (1950s-late 1960s) There is also some evidence he may have provided a few non-boxing services for the mob too.
Liston eventually becomes the heavyweight champ, and then loses his title to Muhammad Ali. In their rematch, Ali won by KO that many people believe to this day was a dive ordered by the mob. Liston apparently understood that by taking a dive, the theory goes, he would earn a percentage of all of Ali's future purses. But this loss essentially ended Liston's career.
He ended up moving to Las Vegas and immediately fell in with a bad element to make some extra cash. Shocking, the mob took advantage of this uneducated man and managed to skim every dollar they could from him. Liston was known to serve as hired muscle and deal cocaine in Vegas to supplement his legit income, which was appearing at casinos and shaking hands at conventions.
Liston became bitter and started making enemies. First, he turned on the mob for not taking care of him and may have threatened to expose some information the mob didn't want public. He also was talking too much about Ali allegedly screwing him out of his cut of Ali's earnings, which upset the Nation of Islam. Further, Liston was involved in an incident where he was at a known drug den that was raided and all went to jail but for Liston, leaving the head of the operation (Earl Cage) with a need for revenge on the only obvious snitch. Towards the end of Liston's life, those in the know in Las Vegas knew it was only a matter of when someone would take out Liston.
He died at the very end of 1970. His wife found him dead upon returning from a trip to visit her mother for Christmas. Police quickly developed the theory Liston had OD'ed on heroin based on needle marks in his arm and a balloon of the junk in the kitchen. But there were no needles present at the crime scene. The interim coroner, who had very little experience, ruled the death one of natural causes. No one buys either theory.
Journalist Shaun Assael was gifted a police file from an anonymous source that indicated former LVPD officer Larry Gandy was hired to kill Liston. Gandy was no angel and committed plenty of crimes, both in uniform and out, but when interviewed by Assael denied being involved in Liston's death. He pointed the finger at Cage and his desire for revenge, though it is slightly odd Cage would wait two years to enjoy his dessert. Plenty of people also believe the mob did it since Liston was quickly turning from an asset to a liability.
Even though everyone believes Liston was murdered, there was no evidence of a potential homicide other than the needle marks. Interestingly, forced overdoses were a popular form of execution employed by the mob during this time as it did not draw as much attention from police as a traditional gang-land style shooting. Yet because Liston's death was ruled one of natural causes, no homicide investigation was ever conducted.
As prominent figures from that time period are dying off, it's entirely possible the truth will never be uncovered. And this is a story with rabbit trails one could research for years. Why did the Las Vegas Sun report that Liston met with an undercover narcotics officer the day before his death? Why did Liston's wife wait so long to call the police after finding her husband dead? What was the story with Assael being slipped records from an unknown source? Why does the state of Nevada have no records concerning Liston's death?
It's a crazy tale. One involving a very popular American athlete with so many crazy twists. It's sad to know that we will likely never know what truly happened to Sonny Liston.
SOURCES:
https://medium.com/@brightonboy1901/the-mysterious-death-of-sonny-liston-a-boxing-conspiracy-4138ac4e2202
https://www.bbc.com/sport/boxing/48974341
https://www.independent.co.uk/sport/general/others/boxing-sonny-liston-was-murdered-by-mob-claims-hitmans-son-8803558.html
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/mvk7jn/who-killed-former-heavyweight-champion-sonny-liston
https://www.wbur.org/onlyagame/2017/02/03/sonny-liston-shaun-asasel-book-boxing

Following his release from prison, Danny Ocean violates his parole by traveling to California to meet his partner-in-crime and friend Rusty Ryan to propose a heist. The two go to Las Vegas to pitch the plan to wealthy friend and former casino owner Reuben Tishkoff. The plan consists of simultaneously robbing the Bellagio, the Mirage, and the MGM Grand casinos. Reuben's familiarity with casino security makes him very reluctant to get involved, but when he starts to think of it as a good way to get back at his rival, Terry Benedict, who owns all three casinos, he agrees to finance the operation. Because the casinos are required by the Nevada Gaming Commission to have enough cash on hand to cover all their patrons' bets, the three predict that on the upcoming night of a highly anticipated boxing match, the Bellagio vault will contain more than $150,000,000.
Danny and Rusty recruit eight former colleagues and criminal specialists: Linus Caldwell, a young and talented pickpocket; Frank Catton, a casino worker and con man; Virgil and Turk Malloy, a pair of gifted mechanics; Livingston Dell, an electronics and surveillance expert; Basher Tarr, an explosives expert; Saul Bloom, an elderly con man; and "The Amazing" Yen, an accomplished acrobat. Several team members carry out reconnaissance at the Bellagio to learn as much as possible about the security, the routines, the behaviors of the casino staff, and the building itself. Other members create a precise replica of the vault with which to practice maneuvering through its formidable security systems. During this planning phase, the team discovers that Danny's ex-wife, Tess, is Benedict's girlfriend. Rusty urges Danny to give up on the plan, believing Danny incapable of sound judgment while Tess is involved, but Danny refuses.
On the night of the fight, the plan is put into motion. Danny shows up at the Bellagio purposely to be seen by Benedict, who, as predicted, locks him in a storeroom with Bruiser, a bouncer. However, Bruiser is on Danny's payroll and allows him to access the vent system and join his team as they seize the vault, coincident with activities of their other team members in and around the casino. Rusty calls Benedict on a cell phone Danny dropped in Tess's coat earlier and tells him that unless he lets them have half of the money in the vault, they will blow it up; Benedict sees video footage confirming Rusty's claim. Benedict complies, having his bodyguards take the loaded duffel bags to a waiting van driven by remote control. Benedict has his men follow the van while he calls in a SWAT team to try to secure the vault. The SWAT team's arrival causes a shootout that sets off the explosives and incinerates the remaining cash. After affirming the premises otherwise secure, the SWAT team collects their gear and departs.
As Benedict arrives to examine the ruined vault himself, his men stop the van and find the bags were only loaded with flyers for prostitutes. Benedict studies the video footage and recognizes that the flooring in the vault on the video lacks the Bellagio logo, which had been added only recently to the vault. It is shown that Danny's team used their practice vault to create fake footage to fool Benedict. Furthermore, they themselves were the SWAT team and used their gear bags to take all of the money from the vault right under Benedict's nose. Benedict goes to see that Danny has seemingly been locked up in the storeroom throughout the heist and thus innocent of any crime. As Tess watches via CCTV, Danny tricks Benedict into saying he would give her up in exchange for the money. Benedict, unsatisfied with Danny's plan to get back the money, orders his men to escort Danny off the premises and inform the police that he is violating his parole by being in Las Vegas. Tess leaves Benedict and exits the hotel just in time to see Danny arrested. The rest of the team bask in the victory in front of the Fountains of the Bellagio, silently going their separate ways one-by-one. When Danny is released after serving time for his parole violation, he is met by Rusty and Tess. They drive off, closely followed by Benedict's bodyguards.

US COVID-19 hospitalizations hit record high Joe Biden's advisors are pushing Democratic congressional leadership to strike a stimulus agreement with Senate Republicans, even if it falls short of the larger $2.4 trillion bill that House Democrats were pushing earlier this year, according to the New York Times Joe Biden will select first cabinet appointments Tuesday and Janet Yellen is a favorite for Treasury Secretary. Tony Blinken is the favorite for Secretary of State, according to Bloomberg Government vaccine expert Moncef Slaoui says coronavirus vaccinations could begin in less than three weeks, according to Bloomberg Judge dismisses lawsuit from President Trump to delay vote certification in Pennsylvania. The election certification in Pennsylvania and Michigan is expected to take place today, according to the New York Times More than 1 million people flew on planes on Friday despite warnings against holiday travel, which is the second highest since the pandemic began, according to Bloomberg Nevada to lower capacity limits ar casinos to 25% from 50%, according to Bloomberg EU thinks Brexit deal 95% agreed, according to Sky News Fed to return unused portions of the funds allocated to the CARES Act facilities Aecom Tech (ACM) announced that the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE), Omaha District selected the firm to design the renovation of the U.S. Air Force Academy’s 700,000-square-foot Sijan Hall Alaska Air (ALK), Hawaiian Airlines, Jet Blue and Swift Air awarded $697 mln in contracts under Domestic Airlift Charter Services, FAA Part 121 Amazon (AMZN) will remove HBO from Amazon Channels next year as part of a concession to WarnerMedia, according to CNBC.com AMC Networks (AMCX) has begun a restructuring plan to streamline operations, which includes job cuts Amgen (AMGN) has provided notice to Cytokinetics (CYTK) of termination of its collaboration and its intention to transition the development and commercialization rights for omecamtiv mecarbil and AMG 594 Aon (AON) authorizes additional $5.0 bln share repurchase program Arcutis Biotherapeutics (ARQT) announces positive topline data from phase 2b Study of ARQ-154 (Topical Roflumilast Foam) as a potential treatment for scalp and body psoriasis AstraZeneca (AZN) reports AZD1222 vaccine met primary efficacy endpoint in preventing COVID-19; showed vaccine efficacy of 90% when AZD1222 was given as a half dose Becton Dickinson (BDX) announces streamlined reporting capabilities for COVID-19 Data Bicycle Therapeutics (BCYC) settles patent dispute with Pepscan Systems B.V. Blackstone (BX) aiming to raise at least $5 bln for second Asia fund, according to Bloomberg Boeing (BA): Delta (DAL) CEO Ed Bastian suggests company will purchase Boeing 737 Max aircraft, according to Financial Times Canadian Solar (CSIQ) signed a power purchase agreement with BTG Pactual and was awarded with two projects in a private auction by Furnas Centrais Elétricas CytoDyn (CYDY) reaches enrollment target of 293 patients for 2nd DSMC interim analysis of phase 3 covid-19 trial and expects to enroll the remaining 97 patients in the next few weeks to complete the trial this year Cytokinetics (CYTK) regains rights to develop and commercialize omecamtiv mecarbil and AMG 594 from Amgen (AMGN) Deutsche Bank (DB) looking for takeovers and joint ventures in payments processing, according to Financial Times Eiger BioPharma (EIGR): FDA approves Zokinvy for HGPS or Progeria and processing-deficient Progeroid Laminopathies Eli Lilly (LLY) announces that bamlanivimab (LY-CoV555) receives interim authorization from Health Canada as a treatment for COVID-19 Geo Group (GEO) announces decision by Federal Bureau of Prisons to not rebid its contract for rivers correctional facility Gilat Satellite (GILT) names Adi Sfadia as CEO IAMGOLD (IAG) announces temporary workforce reduction at its Westwood Gold Mine Invitae (NVTA) confirms the FDA accepted the submission of a premarket approval application for a companion diagnostic claim for STRATAFIDE on Nov 18 Kindred Biosciences (KIN) completion of the upcoming pivotal efficacy study for KIND-030 is now expected in the first quarter of 2021 due to a delay in receiving appropriate vendor reagent material McCormick (MKC) increases quarterly dividend to $0.68/share from $0.62/share Microsoft (MSFT): LoupVentures publishes article that says interest in PlayStation 5 outweighs the Xbox Series X, but for MSFT it's less about console sales in the launch window and more about an ecosystem Moog (MOG.A) authorizes share repurchase program for 3.0 mln shares of Class A and Class B common stock Neenah (NP) renews share repurchase plan for up to $25 mlnv Pfizer (PFE): Plans to rapidly roll out COVID-19 vaccine in Latin America after it gets EUA in US, according to Reuters Pfizer (PFE) and BioNTech (BNTX): FDA has scheduled a meeting for December 10 to discuss the request for EUA of a COVID-19 vaccine Regeneron Pharma (REGN) receives Emergency Use Authorization for REGEN-COV2 antibody cocktail Rigel Pharma (RIGL) and Medison Pharma announced that Health Canada has approved the new drug submission for TAVALISSE for the treatment of thrombocytopenia Rise Education (REDU) appoints new CFO Sanofi (SNY) receives EC approval for MenQuadfi Schrodinger (SDGR) announces a multi-target drug discovery, development, and commercialization collaboration with Bristol Myers Squibb (BMY) Sculptor Capital (SCU) appointed Dava Ritchea as Chief Financial Officer STORE Capital (STOR) received rent payments representing 90% of contractual base rent and interest for the month of November Summit Therapeutics (SMMT) announces that Dr. Mahkam Zanganeh has been appointed as Chief Operating Officer, effective immediately Teck Resources (TECK) increases its steelmaking coal sales to China for Q4 Twist Bioscience (TWST) announces positive preclinical data for SARS-CoV-2 antibodies Village Farms' (VFF) Pure Sunfarms receives cannabis research license for on-site sensory evaluation from Health Canada / Pure Sunfarms Brand debuts internationally Williams Cos (WMB) reached a global resolution with Chesapeake as part of Chesapeake’s Chapter 11 bankruptcy restructuring process Wynn Resorts (WYNN) lost efforts to partner with Sinclair (SBGI) sports networks, according to the New York Post

“...and walk away with a trip to beautiful Las Vegas Nevada! Enjoy a complimentary 5 day 4 night stay at any MGM casino resort all on us! No nonsense, no gimmicks. Just a bit of your precious time! Call today!”
Yes. A vacation extravaganza all on the arm. Courtesy of the Hibou Timeshare Corporation. All it cost was your time and cooperation for a timeshare presentation. Simple enough yes? I wish I would have realized how much better a couple of overtimes would have served me, than taking myself to that horrid building.
I was living in Phoenix AZ with my parents. Still half way bullshitting my final semester at college. I’ve got to be honest, I was checked out. It was summer..I was going to graduate and I had these final two classes in the bag. I could have failed my finals and still walked out with a C. Yes but that kind of luxury came at a price. My social life was the casualty in all of this. While I did have a tight knit of pals, my attendance to social gatherings were...well..less than punctual. I was usually doing work for one of my advanced classes. If not that, then I was pulling a shift at either of my jobs. Yeah..you could say I gave up the glamour of late night pizzas, puking in my friends car and hooking up with a random ASU frat sluts for a heavier wallet...except I was paying everything out of my own pocket. My gas, insurance, cell, college. I wasn't exactly hiding cash in the walls. My parents worked hard but..never did make a living to give me and my siblings an extravagant lifestyle. We were grateful though.
So when I heard that AD of how I could get a long needed vacation to party central Las Vegas, all for watching some BS timeshare I knew I wasn’t going to buy into, you bet your ass off I made that call. The phone only rang once before I got an answer,
“Thank you for calling the Hibou Timeshare Corporation, how can we help you?” a voice rang through the phone. The voice sounded shrill and sickly.
“Hi, I'm calling about the vacation in Vegas? Says that you need people for a presen..”
“Yeessss.” the voice interrupted “The timeshare presentation, well...we would be so honored to have you”
“Uhh..yeah...anyway I’d like to sign up? Is there a form online or do you take the information here?” I said..now feeling a bit tense.
“Well I'll tell you what...pack your things for the vacation. When we are finished presenting..we can send you on our way to Vegas. We just need..a bit of your time.”
That was that. He gave me the address, date and time of the meeting. The area was in a place called Amargosa Valley in Nevada. Luckily it was just about an hour away from Vegas. Before we parted ways on the phone, the operator said something...he said something that should have been a MAJOR red flag.
“Okay then, you’re all set...we will see you July 28th at 4:30pm. Not a moment later” he laughed
“Oh..and..one more thing, if you have some more specimens like yourself that might be interested in the free vacation...bring them along. They’ll all receive the same prize and you will receive $100 cash for every person you bring. We look forward to presenting you, Austin. Good day.”
I never gave him my name.
Still, my young dumb brain didn’t hear anything past $100 dollars. So I rounded up a few of my best pals and we were set to meet the reps over at the timeshare. The days leading up to the trip I couldn't get a hold of myself. It was so exciting. My first real vacation in...i couldn't remember how long. I longed for this type of adventure with my friends. We packed a truck full and set off to Amargosa Valley.
I brought Luke, Larry and Adam. We’d been friends since the 3rd grade. We all moved to AZ from different parts of the country that summer, so being new kids we naturally ganged up together. Luke was from Texas..we called him Tex. Real big guy. Loved to work out but definitely was a bit of a boozebag. Larry was from Ohio. Quiet in public but probably the loudest of us all. Always had some political conspiracy to talk about. Then Adam..Adam was interesting. He was from Florida...or Georgia...or Nebraska. Adam never could keep it straight about where he was from. He always had some sort of story and backtrack about where he’d come from. I personally thought he was probably from another part of AZ and just wanted to fit in...so we humor him and let him be the nomad of our group. I myself was originally from California...things got pricey so we made the move to blistering AZ.
That was my crew. No matter how long it had been, we were always as tight as ever. The ride was filled with laughing and gags. Stops at fast food joints and all around bullshitting. Yes it was an amazing time just driving there, we couldn't wait to get on with the meeting and head down to Boozeville USA. As we approached our destination...something felt off. Amargosa Valley had been a bit of a ghost town the whole drive. A gas station here. A small outlet there...but otherwise unpopulated. When we hit our destination we were met by a Chrome building. Smack center in the middle of the highway. As we parked at the only stall..we all took a look at each other.
“Well this is...odd.” Luke said plainly.
“Yeah man...are we really going there?” Adam shook out. Barely containing his fear.
“Look guys, I know it looks weird. This place is really clean and bright in the middle of a dusty desert but c’mon. It's like what...an hour of our time? Within 2 hours we’ll be on our way to the dopest guys trip ever.” I said...selfishly.
The guys all agreed. We got out, locked the car up and walked in through the sliding glass doors. The cool air hit us like a wave. Each of us breathing in the refreshingly cold air. The inside of this lobby..was also immaculate. Chrome everywhere. Right down to the sofas and chairs. A woman came from around the front desk.
“You must be here to be presented. I see you brought more specimens! What a joy! Will you gentlemen please follow me?” She said.
Specimens. Ugh. Her tone. That word still makes me shutter.
Me and the boys looked at each other..all with the same should we do it look on our faces. Maybe it was the cold air enticing our sweaty brows. We’d been a poorly AC’D truck for a couple hours. Or maybe it was the ice cold drinks she presented in front of us. Whatever the case we followed her through a door behind the front desk and were met with a grand auditorium. It looked as if it could hold maybe 50 people. And all they had was me and my knucklehead friends. As we sat down, sucking down sodas and waters, a mans voice came over the intercom.
“Welcome my friends to the Hibou Timeshare Corporation presentation. Today you will be examining the lifetime of these vessels. Determine whether or not you think they are a smart investment and make a choice if you would like to partake!” I recognized the voice. It was the same shrill tone that I set up the appointment with.
“Now my dear friends, it's time to sit back with your favorite drink...and listen..”
With that, a large projector screen came down from the celine. An old timey countdown began winding down.
BEEP3...BEEP2...BEEP1
From what I can remember, I heard the screams of something...unnatural. A scream so high tone that I felt as if my ears would burst with blood. I tried clasping my hands over my ears but to no avail. The screams were too overpowering. As soon as it started, I passed out.
I awoke looking at the lights on the celine. Unable to sit up. I could tell I was bareass naked on a metal table. I moved my head, the little that i could to see Adam next to me on another table. Naked as the day we were born. He was encased in what looked like a light purple energy field. Looking more in depth, I too had this field in front of me. Before I could speak the tables raised up. Bringing me upright. Bringing me face to face with Tex. To the left of me..Larry. “My friends, I present to you: Terramite 99-0 specimens.” a voice rang out. The same voice from the auditorium.
“They are..of the male species. Strong. Cunning and above all loyal...if raised properly.”
“HEY, you bastards. WTF is this! LET US GO!” Tex cried out. Before he could continue, the energy field tightened around him. Tex let out a scream that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The smell of burned flesh and hair filled the area. I would have puked had the horror of seeing my best friend being burned alive wasn't keeping my attention away from the smell. When the field lifted, Tex was stripped down to the muscle fibers. Hair burned down to the scalp. Tex convulsed until he finally relaxed into a hanging position on the table.
“Now see..specimen is now sedated. Relaxed into a weaker position. With the energy field keeping him contained and the Auto-Reversal Time Warp engaging, we can have this specimen back into working shape immediately.”
There was an electrical hum in the air. As before my eyes, Tex’s skin began to heal. His hair growing back. And all burns subsiding. It was as if nothing had happened to him. He still hung in limbo, but we could see the breath return to his chest.The rest of us let out bits of gasps of horror and astonishment.
I could see Adam crying a bit in the corner of my eyes.
A figure appeared from behind me. A tentacle graced my shoulder, not even phased by the force field. I caught sight of the creature. It stood around 7foot tall. Skin that looked human but a head that was elongated. No nose. And eyes that were black as coal. It had two tentacles for hands. I could not see its feet, as it was covered by a long gown.
Larry screamed in anger. “Your...your...a...a…” he managed to get out before the creature silenced him.
“Shhhh….I am...a salesman is all. Now my friends I will demonstrate the life cycle of the Terramite 99-0’s.”
With that, Larry's forcefield began to hum. Right before my eyes Larry began to get...smaller. Not in stature necessarily, no, but in age. He went from being a young man..to a teenager..to that kid i met in 3rd grade..to an infant. His cries were extremely loud. Unaware of the horrors around him. At that moment I could hear Adam's field begin to hum.
“Please no! Please!” Adam begged.
“If you will direct your attention to our third pod:”
Adam then began to scream as he went from a young man..to middle aged man...to retirement age and finally...to a decrepit old man. Hair as white as snow. Wrinkled beyond recognition. Each breath looking to nearly be his last.
“From birth to the declining ages of 70 to 100 Terran years…the Auto-Reversal Time Warp pods are the perfect tool to use when training your armys, your children, your slaves. Imagine...never having to replace workers. Never worrying if your training methods or punishments might go too far. Never losing a prisoner to death.” The creature said. Full of glee in his dead eyes.
Between the crying of baby larry and incoherent babbling of old man adam, the room felt like it was spinning. Just when I thought things couldn't get any stranger, the rest of the lights came to life. The room we were in were surrounded by seats, similar to the ones we sat in. However, sitting in these seats were ghastly creatures of different varieties. Some looked like the salesman creature. Others were ogreish. Large bodied creatures covered in a film of slime. Some of them even looked human. It was the eyes though...their eyes were a teal color with white pupils. Many many creatures looked up me and my friends. All of them began clapping their hands in unison. The claps were deafening. The cries of the baby felt as if a baseball bat was connecting with my head every second. Adams babbling was terrifyingly disturbing. And Tex...hanging there. Eyes rolled back into his skull. I couldnt imagine the hell he began to feel. At this point I wondered what awaited my fate. The clapping stopped abruptly.
“Oh...Austin...yes, well if you want to know what fate awaits you just shut your eyes. Shut your eyes and quietly count back from 3.” the creature said...was he reading my mind?
Suddenly the urge to close my eyes overtook me. Almost as if I had no choice, I began counting down. 3….2….1….
Everything went black. I wasn't sure if i was alive or dead...or somewhere in between. I saw nothing but black for what felt like a lifetime. And in an instant...I heard that same shrill scream. Only this time I could not cover my ears. I couldn’t feel my body but I felt an unimaginable amount of pain. As the scream grew to its peak, I slammed my eyes open. Trying to catch my breath.
I was back in the car...we were all back in the car. The engine was on. Shitty ac blasting. The others were still out. I sat up in my seat. Not wanting to move too suddenly. The sun was beating down on us. I looked over at the time on the dash…July 28th 4:34 pm. I reached into my shirt pocket and I found several vouchers for the MGM hotels in Vegas along with $300 dollars. I also found a card that simply read “Hibou Timeshare Corp. would like to thank you for a bit of your time”
The boys came too. All feeling rather groggy.
“We all fell asleep huh?” Adam laughed. “We here?”
They didn't remember a thing. Not one thing. Not going in...not the reception area...not the freaky timeshare presentation...not one bit. I lied...i told them that while they were sound asleep, we arrived a little earlier than expected. The presenter had an emergency and left our vouchers at the front desk and apologized profusely.
“Wow, what a gentleman!” Tex laughed. “We definitely owe it to him to sit through another timeshare, probono.” Larry added.
I think it's safe to say that I will not be returning to this or any other timeshare. As I drove away I could see the building disappear in the rear view mirror.
So if you’re traveling deep within the southwest of the United States and hear an ad for a free vacation that's too good to be true...do yourself a favor..turn off the radio, call into work and ask for some overtime..because nothing is ever given for free.

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUSLY: The Complete Wrestling Observer Rewind 1991-2001

1-7-2002	1-14-2002	1-21-2002	★

• NJPW was thrown into chaos this week when Keiji Muto, Satoshi Kojima, and IWGP Jr. Heavyweight champion Kendo Kashin all abruptly quit the company, along with 5 of NJPW's front office employees, and are headed to AJPW. Needless to say, this immediately killed the working relationship between the two companies and NJPW is already attempting to forge a new partnership with NOAH. There's also said to be a significant power struggle within NJPW right now behind the scenes that will likely be straightened out whenever Inoki returns to Japan (he's in Los Angeles right now). Tatsumi Fujinami is NJPW president but in the wake of losing these big stars, and the disappointing TV ratings for the Jan. 4th show, it's rumored his days may be numbered. There's rumors that Inoki may take over the role for the first time since he was forced out of the position back in 1983 (long story, bunch of financial scandals, Google is your friend here). Muto is currently half of the IWGP tag team champions and they were scheduled to defend the titles next month and he volunteered to still work the show, but NJPW wasn't having that so that won't be happening now and the titles will instead be vacated, along with the Jr. title Kashin held. And of course, the IWGP title is also currently vacant due to Fujita's injury, so all of NJPW's top titles are vacant right now (the only other active title is the Jr. tag belts, held by Gedo and Jado).
  
• Lots of rumors floating around about how this happened, but the gist appears to be that Hiroshi Hase was the architect (no Seth) behind this whole thing. Reportedly, Muto (and maybe some of the other people who left) may be purchasing a stake of AJPW from Motoko Baba so he'll have some ownership say. The long-term idea is that Mrs. Baba will step down in a few years and Muto, who by then should be ready to retire (lol) will take over the role as AJPW president. Of course, that was the original plan for Misawa after Giant Baba died, but he and Motoko Baba couldn't get along and Misawa eventually left and formed NOAH instead. It's also worth noting that Kashin in particular wasn't thrilled about doing shoot fights while working in NJPW, but felt pressured to by Inoki and he reportedly wanted out of the company even if the AJPW thing hadn't been an option. As for Kojima, he and Tenzan have been the best tag team pro wrestling has seen in years and from an in-ring perspective, may have been the best pure worker in NJPW so his loss is going to hurt a lot too. The office workers who left are mostly accounting and merchandising people who will be doing the same jobs for AJPW.
  
• One bummer of a note here is that, before this, Muto had talked of putting together a dream match against Misawa. But as long as Motoko Baba is breathing air, an AJPW star isn't going to work with Misawa, so that's probably a dead issue (yeah, sadly we never did get that match).
  
• One final note: Muto also tried to recruit NJPW rising star Hiroshi Tanahashi, who most believe has the most potential of anyone in the entire company, to jump ship with him but Tanahashi decided to stay (oh man, can you imagine how different things would be if he had gone).
  
• On Raw this week, Vince McMahon teased the impending arrival of Hall, Nash, and Hogan, saying he's going to do something soon that even he will regret. Vince has reportedly caved on most of Nash's demands, including the reduced schedule. Hall will be making less money than Nash and will be given an even lighter schedule, because he's a single parent with custody of his children (and Dave questions how fucked up Dana Hall must be if SCOTT is the one who has custody). And of course, you gotta figure Hogan ain't working a full schedule, since he hasn't done that in a decade and probably ain't gonna start now. Of course, this puts WWF in the same position WCW was in a few years ago: having all the top stars working TV and not appearing on house shows, which is something WWF used to openly mock WCW for. Now they'll be doing the same thing, with the same guys. It's something that killed WCW's house show business long before the TV ratings started going down. There's also the issue of how they'll get along backstage, since many of the agents (Dave says Gerald Brisco in particular) were very vocally against bringing these guys back. And then there's John Laurinaitis, who has a lot of power backstage now and he and Nash used to butt heads constantly in WCW. So things are gonna be interesting.
  
• In a bit of a surprise, Vince has also agreed to let them use the NWO name and gimmick, and that reveal was made later in the week on Smackdown when Vince talked about killing the WWF with the help of the NWO. As of now, there's no plans for Triple H to join the group. X-Pac will probably find his way into it, given his relationship and history with the group. Nash is reportedly pushing for Shawn Michaels to be involved, but Dave has heard that's unlikely because there's still some fences that need to be mended there between Shawn and some in the company. But then again, Nash has gotten his way on everything else he's asked Vince for so far, so who knows? Anyway, Hall and Nash have officially signed, but Hogan still hasn't finalized his deal as of press time, but the office has been told it's inevitable and to start making plans as if he's signed. It's expected all 3 men will probably debut at the No Way Out PPV next month.
  

WATCH: Vince McMahon announces the arrival of the NWO

• The Royal Rumble is in the books and was a huge success. Critically, it was an excellent show, nothing MOTY-worthy or anything, but nothing bad at all and was a legit sellout. Coming out of the show, it appears Chris Jericho will be defending the WWF title against Triple H at Wrestlemania, though that can still change. Triple H winning the Rumble was expected but made the most sense. The Rumble match lasted just over 69 minutes (nice), surpassing the 1993 Rumble and, as far as Dave is aware, making it the longest mach in WWF history (a famous Pedro Morales vs. Bruno Sammartino match in 1972 was reported in all the newspapers as lasting 75 minutes, but it was actually only 65 so don't come at Dave with no "well actually..." bullshit)
  
• The return of Mr. Perfect and him being put over like a major star (he lasted until the final 4) proves that WWF has no intention of letting any other competitor get off the ground and will nip that in the bud before it ever happens. Hennig has been available for more that a year (WCW released him before they folded) and WWF never seemed interested, but as soon as XWF came along and made him their featured star (with plans to make him the face of the company), suddenly WWF swooped him up. Hennig's appearance was meant to be a one-off but it was known they were likely going to offer him a deal if he was impressive, and they have. It may not be a huge get for WWF, but it's a massive loss for XWF and pretty much renders their entire first set of TV tapings meaningless now, and Dave says that was precisely the point. Vince left the door open for competition once before and it nearly killed him. He won't make that mistake again (not until 2019 anyway). Dave says to let this be a lesson to any new promotion trying to start up: make sure you have people signed.
  
• Other notes from Royal Rumble: Goldust, who was also a one-off for the match, is expected to sign a full-time deal as well. FlaiVince street fight was way better than it had any right to be considering it was between two guys over 50, one of whom isn't even a trained wrestler and the other hasn't wrestled in nearly a year since the final Nitro. Jericho retained the title over Rock in an excellent match and Dave notes that no one in the history of wrestling with the kind of main event star power Rock possesses has ever done as many jobs as him. Maven dropkicking Undertaker out of the Rumble match was the biggest pop of the entire show. But then Undertaker spent the next several minutes beating poor Maven nearly to death, lest anyone think Undertaker was actually trying to get this kid over or anything. Overall, Dave thinks it was the best Rumble match in several years.
  

WATCH: Maven eliminates Undertaker from the 2002 Royal Rumble

• The tradition of Memphis wrestling on WMC-TV has been revived! Sorta. The show, dating back to the 70s, has been off the air since last spring when the TV station refused to allow them to tape shows in their studio anymore. For the next few months, they aired a bunch of "Best of" shows but those eventually stopped in December and they've been airing infomercials in that time slot ever since. But this week, a show featuring Jerry Lawler and Brian Christopher in the main event, taped at a nearby casino in Tunica, MS aired on the channel in the usual Saturday morning time slot. Dave says the production quality was garbage and there was no local publicity for it, so it probably did a terrible rating, but it's something (pretty much just one last dying gasp, this doesn't lead to anything).
  
• Carlos Colon said he's going to cut back on being an active wrestler because he wants to spend more time with his kids. Dave points out that most of his kids are wrestlers in his company, so maybe he's actually trying to get away from them.
  
• NJPW star Minoru Tanaka announced his engagement to former women's wrestler Yumi Fukawa, who retired last year (did some research and they're still married to this day. Tanaka still wrestles in NOAH and Fukawa is an actress in Japan).
  
• Atsushi Onita, who has been issuing grandstand challenges to Antonio Inoki for months with no response, has now challenged Naoya Ogawa for a match and wants it to be a benefit show in Afghanistan for the kids there. Dave says don't hold your breath for that one either. Onita says if he beats Ogawa, he wants the match with Inoki. Again, none of this is happening, just Onita trying to work his own angle. Neither Inoki nor Ogawa want anything to do with him.
  
• Goldberg participated in a charity golf tournament this week and while there, he made some comments about going to the WWF. "I personally believe that everything I've stood for when I got into the ring would be compromised and succumbed to the circus-like atmosphere that's out there, and that's putting it mildly. I would be an imbecile if I gave up half my money to work for a company I didn't respect." Dave wonders if his tune will change when that WCW contract money dries up (yup). Also, at the same tournament, they did a funny little angle with Goldberg throwing his caddie into a lake.
  

WATCH: Goldberg torpedoes his caddie into the lake

• Superstar Billy Graham has reportedly lost nearly 60 pounds in just 3 weeks, most of it water weight due to edema he's suffering from and all the other liver issues he's currently dealing with.
  
• Bruno Sammartino did an interview talking about the role he has in a new low-budget movie called Saloonatics where he plays a mob guy with cancer. Sammartino talked about how uncomfortable he was with all the profanity his character had to say but he eventually got more comfortable with it and was able to put aside his personal feelings and eventually was okay with it. (No idea where the full movie is, but here's a trailer and yeah this shit is LOOOOOOOW budget).
  

WATCH: Saloonatics trailer

• Former WCW announcer Mark Madden is in some controversy in Pittsburgh, where he hosts a daily sports talk show on the local ESPN radio station there. A few weeks back, the sports media in the city was swirling with rumors about NFL star Kordell Stewart's sexuality. Madden went on his radio show and criticized people who were spreading those rumors. A writer who works at the radio station then went on the air and accused Madden of being one of the main people who fueled those rumors and claimed Madden had said things in the past on his show implying that Stewart is gay. Madden denied ever saying that, demanded the guy find the tapes to prove he ever said it, and basically felt like the guy ambushed him live on the air with the accusations. The radio station apparently agreed because the writer was fired when he refused to apologize (for what it's worth, several people have made accusations about Stewart being gay over the years and he's always denied them, and even successfully sued someone a few years ago for claiming he had a relationship with him. Who knows and who cares? Not anybody's business anyway).
  
• Jake Roberts was on a radio talk show in England recently and said some interesting stuff. Said he plans to stay in the UK for the next 2 years. Said he could walk back into the WWF and have a writing job tomorrow if he wanted it. Dave scoffs at that and says I guess he prefers wrestling in front of empty indie show crowds in England instead of earning a steady paycheck. Jake also talked about the scene in Beyond The Mat where the movie alleges that Roberts asked an indie promoter for crack cocaine as his payoff for working the show. Roberts denied it happened and said he doesn't trust a promoter with anything, so he wouldn't trust one to get him crack. Well okay then. Claimed he left the WWF last time because he wasn't comfortable with the angle he was doing with Jerry Lawler, feeling like they were exploiting his sobriety. Dave pretty much rolls his eyes at all this, because Jake was actually fired for going on a bender and no-showing a bunch of events (I'm glad we all love Jake now, but he was still 1000% full of shit and off the deep end during this period).
  
• Iron Shiek missed an appearance on the Opie & Anthony radio show this week because he was detained for several hours at the airport. Turns out he wore his curly toed wrestling boots on the plane and because this is 4 months after 9/11 and only 1 month after the attempted shoe-bomber, and let's be honest, simply because Iron Shiek is Middle Eastern, people freaked out. And when they wanted to examine his boots, he initially refused to let them and, well, you can imagine how well that went over with airport security.
  
• If WWA's PPV in Las Vegas happens next month, Bret Hart has agreed to reprise his role as the on-screen commissioner. As best Dave can tell, no one else has really been signed on for the show and the MGM Grand doesn't know anything about this alleged plan to hold the event in their arena and in fact, WWA hasn't even applied with the Nevada commission to get a license to run a show anywhere in the state and it's almost certainly too late to get one by the scheduled date. So Dave is skeptical that this even happens, and if it does, he can't see it being in Las Vegas. (Surprisingly, it does happen and it is in Vegas, but we'll get there.)
  
• Speaking of the Nevada athletic commission, XWF brought a bunch of wrestlers and a wrestling ring to the National Association of Television Program Executives conference in Vegas, with hopes of putting on a live show and impressing all the TV execs and trying to secure a TV deal. But the XWF didn't get permission from the Nevada commission, so they weren't allowed to use the ring and do a show. Whoops.
  
• Speaking of XWF, morale is in the dumps in that company right now. Losing both Hulk Hogan and Curt Hennig (neither of whom were signed but had been working with them) as well as Sting reportedly not being interested has killed a lot of the excitement about the promotion for people within it.
  
• Notes from Raw: Flair cut an emotional promo about his history in wrestling and how he was on the road so much and put wrestling ahead of his family and not seeing his kids and all that stuff. During the promo, Lawler made a sarcastic joke about Flair needing to have his priorities in order, which Dave thinks is pretty rich coming from Lawler, who lived the exact same life and wasn't much of a father to his kids either (which Lawler has admitted, to be fair). They're continuing to tease a Triple H/Stephanie split, with him being annoyed at her nagging. Speaking of Triple H, Dave thinks he needs to lose at least 15 pounds because he's totally slow and lumbering since he came back.
  
• Notes from Smackdown: AJ Styles worked a dark match, losing to Rico Constantino, but apparently he looked awesome in the match (yeah he hits an awesome shooting star to the floor late in the match). And the show ended with McMahon doing the big NWO reveal on the back of his chair during his promo.
  

WATCH: AJ Styles vs. Rico Constantino dark match - 2002

• Regarding Triple H's match on Smackdown last week, where they gave away his return match on free TV 3 days before the Rumble. Remember how Dave was flabbergasted that they would be so short-sighted? Turns out Triple H felt the same way and fought hard against it, but Vince wouldn't budge.
  
• Chris Benoit is telling people he expects to be back in the ring around June (yup).
  
• Jim Ross answered some questions at a press thing last week and had lots of interesting stuff to say. He said the criticism WWF was receiving for bringing in Hall, Nash, and Hogan hurts, but they have to do what's best for the company and Vince feels this is it. Doesn't sound like JR loves the idea too much either. They've had no talks with Scott Steiner. When told of Goldberg's recent comments (mentioned above), he said he wanted to believe Goldberg hadn't really said that and thought it was a shame. Said there's heat on Jeff Jarrett for how he left the WWF last time so he probably won't be welcomed back anytime soon. JR also hinted that the brand split will come after Wrestlemania and implied that they will be reviving the cruiserweight division. Dave says he's convinced that Vince will never get behind pushing cruiserweights as major stars so he's not holding out hope for that. Said they may bring in Rey Mysterio if they decided to launch a cruiserweight division. Said they'd love to have Eddie Guerrero back but he has to get his personal issues straightened out first. Same with Shawn Michaels, plus they don't know if he could physically do it.
  
• ESPN's Bill Simmons wrote an article reviewing Royal Rumble 2002 and Dave thinks it was great. In one piece, Simmons managed to pretty much sum up all of WWF's recent problems while still acknowledging that the show was entertaining. And the link Dave posted for it in 2002 still works!
  

WATCH: Bill Simmons reviews the 2002 Royal Rumble

• Unless things change, Chris Jericho is gonna be in an awkward situation next week. Jericho is scheduled to play in a celebrity hockey game as part of NHL All Star Weekend. Who will his celebrity coach be, you ask? Goldberg. As of press time, most people in WWF don't seem to be aware of it and Dave wouldn't be surprised if Jericho gets pulled from it.
  
• Booker T was on the Howard Stern show (after his comments last week saying he wasn't a fan of Stern, go figure) and talked about his time in prison and his plans to write a book. He also said he hopes to retire in 2 years which Dave ain't buying (yeah, still about 10 years away from that). He also said someone is suing him over the term "Spinaroonie" because apparently someone else thinks they own the rights to that name. Booker also mentioned that he's dating former Nitro Girl Sharmell Sullivan. Dave notes that they've been dating since WCW and Booker is the one who helped her get hired by WWF, where she's currently in developmental.
  
• DDP has also said he plans to retire in 2 years, to become a motivational speaker. This one actually almost happened. He left WWF just 3 months after this and didn't wrestle at all for several years. Then he had a brief run in TNA but he's been mostly retired other than some one-offs ever since.
  
• Randy Orton is moving up to the main roster. In his final OVW match, Orton lost clean to Prototype and Dave says it's clear they're grooming Prototype to be the next OVW champion.
  

WATCH: Randy Orton vs. Prototype - OVW 2002
WEDNESDAY: More on the impending arrival of the NWO, more on the upcoming brand split, cruiserweight division, and more...

"I don't care how many of you come out of the woodwork. Red She-Hulk, Savage She-Hulk, Kid She-Hulk, Blue She-Hulk. I was here first. The original. The Sensational She-Hulk!"

Jennifer Walters is a hotshot lawyer from the city of Los Angeles. After being shot by mobsters, her cousin Bruce Banner (The Hulk) saved her life by giving her a last minute blood transfusion of his own irradiated blood. From that point on Jennifer Walters was able to transform into the Sensational She-Hulk; a recurring member of the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, and the Marvel Universe at large. Her transformation was, at first, linked to her rage and she would revert back to her old form when her rage calmed but she has since learned to changed into She-Hulk and back to Jennifer Walters.
Since She-Hulk has been around for a long time, this Respect Thread has been trimmed to some of She-Hulk's feature feats. For a more in-depth look at everything She-Hulk has to offer, please refer to the mini-Mega RT here

Strength

Striking

• Knocks chunks from a concrete support
  
• Clears a beach by causing a small tidal wave
  
• Punches through thick lava rock with Thor
  
• Pulls herself from underground by punching through concrete
  
• Brawls across town with Abominatrix
  
• Smashes apart a "diamond cocoon" that had formed around Weezi. While not natural diamond, the goop that formed the cocoon was a byproduct from magical diamonds found by The Moleman
  
• Destroys several Spragg meteors while in space. The Spragg meteors easily destroyed part of the Space Truck Stop
  
• Kicks Death
  
• Smashes a large chunk of stone thrown by Abomination
  
• Brawls with Rogue. Rogue's RT for scaling
  
• Takes down the entire Fantastic Force, except for Black Panther
  
• Smashes the ground out from under a SWAT team
  
• Punches Deadpool's head into the ground
  
• KOs The Champion. This was after she learned that training her body as Jennifer Walters exponentially boosts her strength as She-Hulk. Feats under these conditions with be marked as ^Exponential. The Champion's RT for scaling
  
• Wallops Aquaman.
  
• Knocks half of Iron Man's systems offline with a punch
  
• Downs Captain America with a punch despite it being blocked by his shield
  
• Completely overwhelms Vision. She finishes him by tearing him in half
  
• Uppercuts Doc Samson "into another zip code"
  
• Solos a Thanos clone
  
• Smashes down onto Red Hulk hard enough to break a large portion of Mount Rushmore
  
• Staggers Red Hulk
  
• Wallops Red She-Hulk
  
• Splits a conference table by tapping it with one finger
  
• Stops Blue Marvel's son when boosted by Photon's Gamma Radiation. For reference, Blue Marvel's son was the size of a mountain.
  
• Smashes a rooftop ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  
• Downs a Celestial with a strike. This was during the time She-Hulk and the other avengers were imbued with Celestial power, making them grow in size to that of a Celestial. All feats under these conditions will be marked ^Celestial.
  
• Causes a massive crater with a strike while underwater
  

Throwing

• Flings a forklift
  
• Skips a stone hard enough to destroy a buoy
  
• Throws a car into a large truck
  
• Throws a rock "with the velocity of a deadly missile"
  
• Flings a nuclear warhead from Nevada to Keaton's "Nebuchadnezzar" casino that was in Arizona
  
• Throws a gasoline tanker
  
• Casually pitches a bulldozer ^Exponential
  
• Fastball Specials Laura Kinney. She does this a lot, with plenty of other heroes like Hellcat, Hercules and, of course, Wolverine. She also her her own variant, the Fireball Special, where she throws Robbie Reyes and his Hellfire Charger.
  
• With an assist from Captain Marvel, flings The Countess
  
• Breaks free of Oliver's grip and flings him ^{Gray She-Hulk.} Oliver was strong enough to one hand cars.
  

General

• Causes a tidal wave by throwing her arms back while underwater
  
• Crumples a steel horse and tosses it
  
• Crushes a safe into a ball
  
• Tears free of Spider-Man's webbing
  
• Flexes free of Venom's grip
  
• Thunderclaps a pair of mutants
  
• With an assist from Hulk, thunderclaps a large fire out
  
• Tears apart a construction site ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  
• Puts a Celestial in a headlock ^Celestial
  

Grip

• Holds a crumbling bridge together. She manages to keep it together until everyone is safe
  
• Shakes up Venom ^Exponential
  
• Grapples a pair of Skrull Thrust-Cycles and swings them around. Wyatt Wingfoot stated he "had seen Skrull Thrust-Cycles used to tow battle-cruisers out of space docks" and that "Jen should have been torn to pieces" by them.
  
• Crumples a light pole
  

Leaping

• Picks Arabian Knight out of the air
  
• Jumps to the top of Stilt-Man
  
• Uses Reed as a springboard to leap after a space shuttle
  
• Cuts off Hawkeye's motorcycle
  
• Jumps from downtown to Riker's Island ^Exponential
  
• Bounds across Hudson Valley while fighting Titania
  

Lifting

• Lifts the massive Silver Serpent and cracks it like a whip. For reference, the Silver Serpent was considerably big
  
• Lifts a set of stands filled with people. She was able to shake the people sitting in the stands enough to empty their pockets, but not make them fall
  
• Lifts a meteor off of the Quinjet
  
• Lifts The Thing's maximum weight with one arm ^Exponential which is somewhere around 85 tons. Before this, her maximum was seventy five tons when straining
  
• Lifts and throws a tank
  

Pulling

• Rips a large tank in half
  
• Yanks a dump truck full of sand forward to neutralize The Torch and Toro
  
• Tears apart a Hulk bot
  

Pushing

• Pushes a surfboard fast enough Zapper says they "must be going sixty"
  
• Easily pushes free of Southpaw's grip. Southpaw's RT for scaling.
  
• Throws several arm wrestling matches against Hercules to spare his feelings ^Exponential. For reference, Hercules RT for scaling
  

Catching

• Catches a falling tanker truck before it hits the ground
  
• Catches a flying bus ^Exponential
  

Swinging

• Slams the Man Elephant by his trunk. She does this again when he reappears
  
• Slaps Captain Rectitude with a diving board hard enough to send him skipping across a pool
  
• Wallops Abominatrix with a light post
  
• Takes Green Goblin out of the air with a chunk of metal
  

Durability

Striking

• Punched through a window and off a balcony by the robotic imposter She-Hulk. The fake She-Hulk was able to punch through a wooden door and had a "grip like a hydraulic vice"
  
• Brawls with Man-Wolf
  
• Downed by a dropkick from Hellcat
  
• Takes shots from Abominatrix and Captain Rectitude. For reference, Captain Rectitude was able to lift cars with one arm and
  
• Punched through a wall by Abominatrix
  
• Has Miss America bounce off of her
  
• Sent flying by a giant robot punch
  
• Punched through a sign by Abominatrix
  
• Brawls with Savage She-Hulk
  
• Punched through a bus and several vehicles by Mahkizmo. Mahkizmo hits pretty hard
  
• Punched by Spider-Man
  
• Punched by the Silver Surfer
  
• Smashed into the ground by Strong Guy. For reference, Strong Guy's RT for scaling
  
• Scraps with Green Scar Hulk
  
• Punched by Grigori the Super Ape
  
• Booted by Ms. Marvel. She is then immediately up after being crushed by a car
  
• Takes a beating from an invisible Super Skrull
  
• Gibbed by the Red Hulk. She managed to fight him for a moment but was choked out
  
• Takes an uppercut from Hulk that sends her all the way to Yancy Street
  
• Punched through several walls by Titania
  
• After being hit by a stray War-Machine rocket and smashed into the ground by Thanos, is left in a coma. She eventually wakes up as the Gray She-Hulk
  
• Punched by the Celesital, Obliteron ^Celestial. Other Celestial's strikes were said to have "shattered every window for a thousand miles"
  
• Takes an uppercut from Namor
  
• Punched by Cosmic Ghost Rider. For reference, Cosmic Ghost Rider's RT for scaling
  

Blunt

• Up immediately after being tackled out a window by Ultima
  
• Hit by a car
  
• No sells a car clipping her
  
• Leaps in front of a bus and stops it with her body.
  
• Thrown through a tree by Man-Thing
  
• Takes a beating from The Grappler. The Grappler was a "master of leverage" and was able to flip a jeep with his staff
  
• Stops a car from running her over while injured.
  
• Thrown through a stone wall by Doc's War Machine
  
• Has a girder bent over her head
  
• Blocks Mjolnir using Cap's shield
  
• Takes no damage from a car crashing into her. She then proceeds to crumple the car and pitch it.
  
• No sells a high fall
  
• Smashed through the ground by Stilt-Man
  
• Shoulder checks a bus
  
• Tackled through a wall by Captain Rectitude
  
• Leaps out of her car and falls a considerable distance. She falls far enough she has time to get bored, before landing in a pool of water
  
• Slammed through a table by Venom. For reference, Venom's RT for scaling
  
• Hit with a bulldozer by Mahkizmo
  
• Takes a beating from Titania while weakened
  
• After being killed by The Rumbler when weakened from War Zone's toxins, is revived by Zapper
  
• Trades shots with Hulk as they fall down an elevator shaft ^{Savage Sensational}
  
• Knocked out of an elevator shaft by an Angry Hulk's strike
  
• Unaffected by The Hulk slamming the "H" from the Hollywood sign slammed down on her
  
• Survives a Helicarrier crash. Of note, She-Hulk was the first Marvel character to down the Helicarrier.
  
• Takes beating from Absorbing Man, Titania, Doc Ock, and the Wrecking Crew and is finally slammed into a rock by Doc Ock. The beating left her KO'd and barely alive
  
• Headbutted by Drax
  
• Punched in the gut by the Hulk copy, Behemoth
  
• No sells being tackled through a building by Iron Man ^{Gamma Empowered.} This was after she was exposed to Jack of Heart's Radiation, causing her to enter a stronger Savage form than she had ever had before.
  
• Takes a beating from The Champion
  
• Stops a speeding bus with her back
  
• Punched in the jaw by Southpaw while not transformed. ^Exponential
  
• Takes a massive punch from a buffed Titania ^Exponential. Titania had received an Infinity Stone from the Champion that massively empowered her
  
• Thrown through the ground and hit by a subway train ^Exponential
  
• Immediately recovers from being whipped to the ground by Super Skrull
  
• No sells being hit with a car by Doc Samson
  
• Stomped by Iron Man's Hulkbuster armor
  
• Has a gasoline tanker slammed down onto her
  
• Thrown by The Sentry. When she reappears, she states she was underhanded like a lawn dart into New Jersey
  
• Takes a beating from Lyra Lyra was strong enough to push a subway train up through the ground and instagib several SHIELD agents
  
• Punched by The Sentry
  
• Brawls with Doc Samson, Modok, and Red Hulk but is eventually KO'd and captured.
  
• Thrown from Brooklyn to the Palisades in New Jersey
  
• KO'd by Dazzler-Thor's hammer. This was while she was rampaging as a result of Nico Minoru's "Hulk Smash" spell.
  
• Unharmed by crashing to the ground
  
• Stops the Hellfire Charger
  

Energy

• Blasted by a large laser. She is later KO'd by the laser exploding
  
• Knocked back by Iron Man's Repulsor Ray. she immediately recovers and goes back on the attack by swinging on a light pole.
  
• Blasted in the back by Torque. Torque's blasts were strong enough to send She-Hulk flying. Before he overloaded under the strain of his own power, she withstood the full force of his energy and managed to avoid his explosion.
  
• Instantly KO'd by a repulsor blast
  
• KO'd by a massive blast of light from Dazzler. A normal blast, which had knocked out an entire crowd of people, had done absolutely nothing. She does manage to recover fairly quickly
  
• Blasted by Captain Rectitude. Rectitude's chest laser was able to smash stone.
  
• Blasted into the ground by War Zone. It hits her hard enough to carve the concrete as she slides back. In their second meeting, she takes a point blank shot from the same weapon
  
• Temporarily stunned by a "Neuro Stunner"
  
• Ignores SHIELD lasers
  
• No sells a Full Power blast from Iron Man's repulsors
  
• Blasted by Machine Man
  
• Zapped in the eye by The Wasp
  
• Blasted by Crimson Dynamo
  

Piercing

• Seemingly unharmed by a bullet. While it's not shown to hit her, the gunman says "I'm hitting her point blank, but she keeps coming"
  
• Has gunfire from a pair of mobsters bounce off of her
  
• Completely unbothered by gunfire
  
• Tanks several bullets and destroys the gun that fired them
  

Crushing

• Okay after being crushed by "countless tons of falling dirt and rock"
  
• Powers out of Man Elephant's Hydraulic Vice but is seemingly knocked out by the gas released from his trunk. It is later shown she was playing possum to bait him into release his grip
  
• Survives several falling rocks
  
• Smashed into the ground by Abominatrix
  
• Crushed by the grip of a giant beast. ^{Gray She-Hulk} The same beast was able to completely paste a man with a punch
  

Electricity

• Blasted by Zeus
  
• Zapped by Captain Marvel
  
• Blasted by The Mole Man's electrical staff. She takes another blast later but fares much better
  
• Blasted in the back by Killer Shrike. She takes several blasts during their fight, but doesn't leave her feet
  
• Unaffected by a blast from Electro. This happens a couple of times even to the point where she is charred and smoking but is completely fine afterwards.
  
• Has an electrical tower brought down onto her ^{Gamma Empowered}
  
• No sells an electric blast
  

Explosive

• Survives the explosion of the Baxter Building
  
• Remains standing after being hit with a grenade. She proceeds to then clash with, and dismantle, her opponents prototype Iron-Man armor.
  
• No sells a bowling alley exploding around her. She did the same thing in a bar explosion. ^{Gamma Empowered}
  
• Survives Jack of Hearts exploding. She was also knocked out by another explosion of his powers. ^{Gamma Empowered}
  

Gas

• KO'd by a vial of knockout gas. She was KO'd long enough to be moved to a stasis tank. However, she has a metabolism high enough that being frozen in cold-bonded silicone and drugged isn't enough to keep her asleep
  
• KO'd by Mysterio's knockout gas
  
• Knocked back by a burst of gas from War Zone. They went on to explain the gas' toxic properties were accelerated by She-Hulk's usage of her super strength.
  
• Infected by a biological weapon. The weapon was an extremely infectious flesh-eating bacteria
  
• Unaffected by Hawkeye's Tear Gas arrow ^{Gamma Empowered.}
  

Heat/Cold

• After being encased in concrete, passes out from the massive amount of heat The Human Torch surrounds her with. For reference, Human Torch's RT for scaling
  
• Burned by a Skrull ship taking off but manages to hang on
  
• Pushed back by Ghost Rider's hellfire
  
• Burned by Cosmic Ghost Rider's hellfire
  
• Unaffected by cold temperatures that incapacitated Thor
  

Magic

• Ignores Scarlet Witch's magic. ^{Gamma Empowered}
  
• Put to sleep by Nico Minoru
  

Mental Attacks

• Remains conscious and keeps attacking after taking a mental blast from Doc. Doc's mental blast was able to one shot Torque.
  
• Cures herself of a mental attack by slamming her head into the ground
  
• Overcomes The Green Goblin's mental attack
  

Miscellaneous

• Burned by Man-Thing
  
• Can survive in space but eventually passes out from lack of oxygen
  
• Frees herself from Grey Gargoyle's stone transformation with her heightened metabolism
  

Pain Tolerance

• Goes through a "gut-wrenching" pain when she transforms
  
• Brought to her knees by a blast from Kyr. She-Hulk described the pain as "like millions of needles piercing every nerve in her body"
  
• Despite being racked with pain, is able to dodge an attack from Earth-Lord and tackle Kyr
  
• Manages to keep fighting Absorbing Man while Titania punches her ear drum
  
• Has her "gamma power ripped away" by Mother Monster's "Hell Cradle"
  

Radiation

• Unharmed by a microwave blast. The same blast was shown as being able to knock chunks out of a large rock. In the same fight she charged through a "full power blast" to tear the armor off of her attacker
  
• Blasted by a "Gamma Tank"
  
• Survives inside the Shield Helicarrier's core. The atomic pile inside the core was powerful enough to vaporize everything within 100 miles if it detonated
  

Slashing

• Has a sword break against her skin
  
• Slashed by a gamma creature and has her gamma energy drained
  
• Smashes through a large, spinning fan
  
• Slashed in the guy by Wendigo. She is downed until she remembers she has a healing factor
  
• Slashed by Ursa Major's claws
  
• Unharmed by a large blade
  

Sound

• Caused pain by a sound from Man Elephant's suit
  
• Disabled by a series of attacks from The Seeker
  

Intelligence

General

• Graduated Summa Cum Laude
  
• Outdrinks Blizzard in order to avoid a fight
  
• Uses a Hex placed on her by Scarlet Witch that makes her invisible to people who want to harm her to steal the Infinity Gem from Titania
  

Lawyering

• Wins a court case that was rigged against her
  
• Faces bias due to her superhero-ing
  
• Defends Dark Art by pointing out the arresting officer performed an illegal search
  
• Lays a strong defense for villain Jonathan Powers but does lose the case.
  
• Backs down Superior Spider-Man with the threat of lawsuits
  
• Defeats Matt Murdock in the trial of Captain America
  
• Prevents Luke Cage from selling the Mighty Avengers name by writing safeguards into the contract
  

Quick Thinking

• Tricks The Seeker into crushing himself
  
• Causes a pair of robots to crash into each other
  
• Sees through Mysterio's tricks
  
• Wraps her fists in insulation to KO Electro
  
• Sets The Ranger and Boomerang against each other
  
• Sneaks out of a Shield prison by changing back to Jennifer Walters
  
• Convinces The Champion to remove his Infinity Gem due to it qualifying as a weapon under Skardon Law
  
• Uses Electro to defeat Tiger Shark. She similarly used Powderkeg to defeat Rhino
  
• Avoids destroying a passenger plane by transforming back into Jennifer Walters
  
• Tricks Abomination into lowering his guard by belittling him
  
• Leads several Red-Hulk soldiers to fight each other
  
• Uses a robots raygun to destroy its companion
  

Negotiations

• Calms Scorpion down until Spider-Man messes it up.
  
• Convinces Hercules to pay a super villain he injured
  
• Convinces several soldiers not to fire on her for their own safety
  
• Poses a time paradox to create an opening
  

Skill

Accuracy

• Makes a cage out of thrown bars
  
• Destroys rockets with a raygun
  

Acrobatics

• Uses a light to pole vault up onto a highway
  
• Recovers from an Iron Man blast and uses a light pole to redirect himself back into him
  
• Crosses the city on rooftops
  
• Juggles a priceless vase through traffic
  
• Rappels off the side of the Helicarrier
  
• While falling, teaches Lyra how to maximize her momentum to fall onto her target "like a missile"
  
• Falls off a building and rights herself to land on her feet. ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  

Climbing

• Scales a building fast enough to catch Iron Man

Dodging

• Avoids a charging Iron Man
  
• Dodges a blast from The Seeker
  
• Leaps over a signpost attack from Man Elephant
  
• Dodges Mjolnir
  
• Hops over a rocket
  
• Dodges shots from several Toad Men
  
• Dodges a strike from Blacklash which causes him to wrap up Whirlwind
  
• Dodges a Skrull laser
  
• Sidesteps Iron Man
  
• Ducks a blast from Psychoman
  
• Dodges a tailstrike from a giant beast ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  

Fighting Ability

• Defeats both the Gemini at once. The Gemini were fast enough to defeat several armed guards at once
  
• Keeps Thor busy in a one on one fight
  
• Dunks Captain Britain
  
• Pushes away a punch from a giant robot
  
• Redirects a diving kick from Abominatrix
  
• Trained by Gamora
  
• Clowns Abomination
  
• Parries a thrown car with a light pole
  
• Completely goons Iron Man
  
• Instructs Hellcat on how to take down stronger opponents
  

Speed

Movement

• Chases and leaps in front of a villain
  
• Outruns crumbling ground
  
• Keeps up with a pair of horses
  
• Wakes up, leaps out a window, and catches a run away tanker truck
  
• Moves and uproots a tree before Jariza finishes talking
  
• Runs through gunfire
  
• Gets down a set of stairs before Shocker
  
• Keeps up with Daredevil while traversing a city
  
• Leaps across several Latverian rooftops
  
• Keeps up with Captain America
  
• Runs and leaps out of a building before it explodes ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  

Reactions

• Blocks a microwave by uprooting a tree to use as a shield
  
• Jumps over a blast from Torque
  
• Trips the speedster Whizzer
  
• Blocks a blast from Blizzard using Beetle
  
• Catches Green Goblin's pumpkin bomb
  
• KOs a pair of soldiers when taken by surprise
  
• Blocks a blast from Mar-vell without looking
  
• Punches away a SHIELD armor's laser
  

It has been said that the Mountain West conference is “At the Peak,” and to me, nothing illustrates that more, than the fact that there are 12 teams competing in the only NCAA Division 1 conference that sponsors e-sports. Of course, since the matches are played head-to-head, Boise State has an advantage because they tint the monitors blue, and play with all blue avatars; an advantage that is confirmed in their winning of League of Legends and Overwatch, but with the Spring season being cut, next year the Mountain West has announced that they will be playing Mario Kart 8, for the Nintendo Switch. Due to the large amounts of people in the Mountain West cities suddenly having $1200 burning a hole in their pocket, every store that sells Nintendo Switch has sold out of their allotment; yes, even, Amazon. So, thus the conundrum becomes: How can these players, prospects, and ordinary people practice in order to “git gud” as the gamers would say? Well, that’s where I come in. For, you see, since I am allowed out on the streets again, finally, due to both my prison sentence being cut short, and my work being determined to be “essential,” I had the time to scope out some places. Alas, while my cough and fever are not improving as much as I had hoped since I last got back from Italy, I did manage to find some time to visit all of the Mountain West cities in order to find the easiest place to get a Switch and Mario Kart 8 location. For simplicity’s sake, I am going by the football stadium since it’s a well-defined point in most locations – San José State fans, the football stadium is that big ovoid building at the corner of E Alma Ave, and S 7th St… It’s the place where the people aren’t on Saturday’s is September. Should you get hungry during your travels, I have also managed to find a some breakfast locations in the same vicinity

Mountain

Air Force

Okay, so I lied a little; I tried to get into the university, but, unfortunately the men with guns wouldn’t actually let me get beyond the gate on S Gate Rd, and I was still a little jet-lagged having just gotten in from Frankfurt after having woken up for my 0610 flight for the Linate to Frankfurt leg (stupid weather prevented the flight from Denver to ABQ, but my loss is your gain). So, while this may not be the closest, it certainly will fit the bill. Tyler-Jay Rowland who lives at 3075 Navigation Drive, in Colorado Springs was more than willing to help out, especially since his son, Jeremiah, was grounded for a month for staying out after curfew two weekends in a row. As the falcon flies, this location is 5.2 miles away; in a car, it’s not too much further than that.

Boise State

Now, I don’t, technically, hate the way that Boise is laid out with the river running right through the center of town, but even though Maci Drew lives in the Clearwater Apartments, unit 323, which is in a straight line, only a quarter of a mile from the stadium, you will have to go the Exxtramile, to get to her apartment. Also, she would like me to point out, that times for a waitress like herself are a little rough, so please, if you’re hungry, skip Taco Bell, and eat at the Bar Gernika in downtown Boise, right next to the Central Plaza and Century Link Arena. “We have wifi” she said.

Colorado State

This is, by far, the most remarkable location; I had completely forgotten that they moved to an on-campus stadium, so I initially went to the Hughes Stadium location, and found a big pile of dirt. And not much else – well, if you exclude the trees that formed a nice line, that brought me back to my college days. Having corrected my too old Garmin in-car GPS, I found Tim Thatcher on 604 Balsam Ln; he’s a little deaf, so you might need to knock like you are ram-ing down the door. He bought the Switch after his wife of 35 years died to help him grieve and spend his retirement, “but it’s just making me too sad lately, and I’ve never been very good at vid’ya [sic] games. I still don’t know how I’m supposed to save the princess when she’s trying to beat me… That reminds me of my princess, who I lost last year. She was so kind, we met in high school, I had an onion on my belt as was the style in those days. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.” I’ll be honest, at this point I started zoning out because, again, fever. He honestly looked really sad as I was talking to him, so you might want to try to cheer him up, since he’s just a lonely guy bein’ a dude. In a straight line distance, you’re only going .3 miles, and it’s not too much further by car.

New Mexico

This is by far the closest location to the stadium. The UNM Lobo Club is a non-essential business in the state of New Mexico, and UNM and the Athletics Department realized that funding would need to be cut dramatically throughout the state, and with the sweetheart deal they got from the legislature this year, they decided to close all athletic facilities, including the Maloof building, home of both Eddie Nuñez’s office, and the Lobo Club. I suggest using the side door closest to the field level entrance of the stadium. That’ll take you to the weight room; an alarm will go off, the code is “1892” the year the football team first played (interesting tidbit: the marching band was founded in 1889, the same year as the university); from there enter the main hallway, and go to the first door on the left after you pass the restrooms. The last time I was there, they had a vending machine that dispensed free Mountain Dew; I was howl-ing with laughter after I found that. Also, if you see Señor Manta, say “Hola!” he’s been down on his luck since his family were killed in the accident, and now he wanders the street like a lone Lobo.

Utah State

It was like a bomb went off. No one was around; maybe they were busy playing Farmer, or having a bonfire out in the dirt behind the stadium, wit their brown-eyed girls, but Jeff Field’s dorm room, Aggie Village Community building 17, first floor, third window from the right (he leaves it unlocked, so don’t worry about access) has a Switch just sitting there on the bed, as though he borrowed it from someone, but never managed to return it before he left. Go on, take it, just say that it was yours and he left it, no one will check.

Wyoming

Cowboys and Cowgirls are just different, I guess; I could not find a Nintendo Switch in town for the life of me. I found many Switchblades, Light switches, and many wooden rods, so I took my horse down to Cheyenne, and found a recently laid-off Subway Sandwich Artist called Dom, who knew just where to look. He directed me to 803 West 21st St, Suite B. He told me, “yeah, the guy who runs this storefront, has a little son, about 6 years old. He keeps a Switch in his desk’s keyboard tray for when he picks his son up from school.” Because of the ordeal in Laramie, I asked him to clarify, and he did, “yeah… Nintendo switch.” He said as he looked around shiftily. If that doesn’t work you can always try Suite C, I heard they stock Switches… oh wait, not that kind.” I was going to ask him for more information, but he entered what looked like an abandoned brick building just passed the railroad tracks, “You didn’t see me,” he said. And I also didn’t hear the gunshots that went off as I walked back to my car.

Table View

School	Distance Driving (mi)	Straight Line Distance (mi)	Drive/Drone Difference	Variance (from all schools)A
Air Force	8.44	5.22	3.22	0.047
Boise State	1.00	0.282	0.718	1.069
Colorado State	0.420	0.312	0.108	1.792
New Mexico	0.206	0.191	0.015	1.920
Utah State	0.444	0.305	0.139	1.751
Wyoming	47.90	40.69	7.21	4.894

A: Variance is calculated based upon DDD’s distance from the standard deviation of DDD… Why DDD? Because, DDD is King.

West

Note: SDSU currently does not field an Esports team; I am including them because it seems likely that they will in the near future

Hawai’i

Hawai’i is interesting because the Honolulu airport has a much better open air location than the El Paso airport; there’s a water path, it’s weird man, it reminds me a lot of the Tiki Room at Disn… oh, yeah, Hawai’i, Polynesia, that makes sense. Anyway, the stadium is home to the largest swap meet’s I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, I did not find any Switches, but I did find a guy swapping Macadamia Nut cookies for a few dollars, so naturally, I bought some. It started to rain, so even though many people are Rainbow Warriors or Wahine, as the women prefer to be called, I am not. I stopped in at the ‘Aeia Public Library for a spell, and my phone was dead, so I needed a place to charge for a bit. The nice librarian, Akela (“it means graceful,” I was told. After I asked, “like the wolf-spirit in Hindi myths?”), pointed out, that, “We loan out all sorts of stuff here; pots, pans, sewing machines. Believe it or not, we even rent out video game systems. Our most popular is probably the Nintendo Switch, but we also have a couple of Xbox’s and PS4’s.” I guess I looked very shocked because Akela continued, “with the military surrounding us, we, the library system, get a lot of goods from contractors who don’t want to have a lot of their goods shipped back to the mainland.” Seeing how much it cost to ship out, I completely understood, and bid ¬¬Akela aloha, and failed the Hawai’I test by passing out at the nearest Embassy Suites, in Kapolei, if I remember correctly (I probably don’t, I was tired).

Fresno State

A nice cow brought me to Clovis. Much like what happened in Las Vegas, it was not the cool one, but instead the one in California. She (I saw udders), brought me specifically to 264 Clovis Ave, and said, “what you seek, from my master, is in there.” I’m not sure if it was my fever, jet-lag, a combination of them, or something else entirely, but then the cow vanished as though she was just a thing on the internet. A stray puppy passed by me in downtown, so that was probably the highlight of the trip.

Nevada (Reno)

Look, I’ll be honest, Reno to me always makes me feel like I’m going to be leaving the city without one or both of my kidneys. I don’t know why I expect Renoirs to chew my body like a Pack of Wolves, but there you are. Diedre Thomas of 128 Keystone Ave, fell on hard times. She poured herself a glass of vodka, neat, and said, “you can have anything you want,” she paused briefly to wink at me, “for the right price.” I specifically enquired about the Switch, “Anything,” she replied. She pulled out what appeared to be a small glass bowl that looked like an incense holder, and a baggie of chalk dust, and… Oh my god, she was going to smoke cocaine. Anyway, as she pulled out the pulled out the baggie, I hastily took my leave. I then went to the airport and went to my next stop….

Nevada – Las Vegas

Can you believe parents still bring their children, like elementary school aged children to Las Vegas. And it’s not the cool Las Vegas, in New Mexico, it’s the one in Nevada; well, I guess, technically they bring their kids to Paradise, and not Las Vegas, but c’mon man, there isn’t that much difference. Anyway, head to the Excalibur hotels because Carla, the housekeeper said that on average 3 Switches get left by guests every day. I then felt really depressed while walking around the hotel, so I left to check out the Mirage, where I normally stay on these Mountain West trips. I also learned that if there’s one thing that freaks me out more than the throngs of people walking the Strip, it’s when there’s nobody around. Once the new stadium gets completed it will be vastly easier to get to the casino than at the current location.

San Diego State

I stayed with Dominic, at his house of Friars Road. I was starting to feel sick to my stomach with the lack of green chile, so it was so enjoyable to spend time with a fellow New Mexican (and my roommate junior year). He took me on a little tour: Balboa Park’s stadium (home of the former Harbor Bowl, and the first tie in UNM Football history), the USS Midway, and Ocean Beach. I had forgotten about the assignment until I looked down at my feet and found a working Switch. When it was still there after an hour, I borrowed a small boat, realised, I need a bigger boat and headed out to the Ocean. Having claimed rights, I then put it back, so you might also find it.

San José State

Look, there are a lot of people who depart from the San Jose Airport. The kids who travel on these flights are slightly scatter-brained because of the adrenaline of taking a plane ride (and passing through the checkpoint), and leave some of their electronics, and I found a shoe! A shoe! Who only puts one shoe on and then walks-off? It was an adult shoe, so it’s not like a child/toddleparent left it, no, someone made a conscious decision to leave their shoe… Maybe it was a protest? Anyway, just tell the guy that you left your Switch at the checkpoint, if he asks you what color it was say, it had yellow grips that slide off, but the screen was bounded by black.

Table View

School	Distance Driving (mi)	Straight Line Distance (mi)	Drive/Drone Difference	Standard Deviation (all schools)A
Fresno State	4.46	3.28	1.18	0.644
Hawai’i	1.420	0.696	0.784	1.001
Nevada (Reno)	2.410	1.69	0.720	1.067
Nevada – Las Vegas (SBS)b	18.426	8.93	11.258
Nevada – Las Vegas (NVS)c	2.125	0.590	1.535	0.391
San Diego State	9.861	8.08	1.78	0.252
San José State	6.575	4.60	1.975	0.164

A: Variance is calculated based upon DDD’s distance from the standard deviation of DDD… Why DDD? Because, DDD is King.
b: Sam Boyd Stadium
c: New Vegas Stadium (Allegiant Field)

Conclusion

Even if the stores are sold out of Switches, there are always places you can go to get them, some are definitely within walking distance of your house, maybe even right next door. If you do choose to do that, there are a few things to keep in mind: 1. Milk 2. Eggs, specifically from Natural Grocers, if they still have member pricing. 3. Chicken thighs
Wait, that was my grocery list for last week.

1. Basque food is amazing.
2. The addresses are real, any businesses mention are real; the people mentioned or alluded to (with exception to the person who has an office in Clovis, CA; and Dominic in SD) are fake.
3. No, I do not know who lives at the addresses, and unless you can look it up in the phone book, I recommend that you don’t either. Please don’t bother them.
4. No, I am not sick… I have a lingering cough from allergies to junipemesquite pollen.
5. I have not visited Colorado Springs/Fort Collins/Laramie/Reno/San José/Honolulu, yet.
6. Information for the other cities comes from my memory
7. I remember when Park MGM was the Monte Carlo
8. Is Secret Pizza still at the Cosmo? I don’t remember seeing it the last time I was there, but that might have been because I was on the wrong floor.
9. Toss a coin to your witcher.
10. Normal people stop listing things at 10, but
11. This list goes up to 11.

Unfortunately there's no 100% agreed list of GA seasons and there never was one. Various platforms and Travel Channel affiliates provide contradictory episode listings. It was discussed numerous times over the years, recently we had yet another discussion on the matter. Somebody asked me on PM if I can share with them the chronological listing I've been using, so I've decided to post it here as well. Keep in mind this is not an "official" list, but it's a recommended one if you want to binge watch the whole show from beginning to end or if you're a new fan looking for specific episodes.
This is a list of Ghost Adventures episodes in order based on the original air date. I've been keeping it since I began watching the show during the first season and it mostly overlaps with the wikipedia listing, and a few other season lists. It includes every single episode, including all specials and compilation episodes. "Extra Pulses" are not added since there is no additional content compared to the original episodes. For the first 7 or so seasons this is how The Travel Channel listed their seasons before they nuked their site and started grouping them by production date and not air date. A few things of note:

• Ghost Adventures: The Beginning is The Documentary movie with a couple minutes of bonus footage. It was aired on the same day as the first episode of the series.
  
• To make matters even more complicated early seasons have alternate episode titles for some of the episodes. I've included the more common ones.
  
• The early compilation episodes were episodes with different edit and new narration compared to original ones, and were used as a bridge, while the GAC were filming new content. Later Travel Channel would just split the production in two seasons - Autumn-Winter and Spring-Summer periods.
  
• Years ago Travel Channel listed episodes under new seasons if 2 or more months had passed since the last aired episode, and before the new content announcement.
  
• In recent years they've been doing a lot of specials with an overlapping theme like "Haunting of Vicksburg", some sites list these episodes as a complete season.
  

Season 1
Start: October 17, 2008
End: December 5, 2008

• Ghost Adventures: The Beginning (Special Episode)
• Bobby Mackey's Music World
• Houghton Mansion
• Moundsville Penitentiary
• Riddle House
• Sloss Furnaces
• Former Psychiatric Hospital
• Edinburgh Vaults
• Old Idaho Penitentiary

Season 2
Start: June 5, 2009
End: July 24, 2009

• Preston Castle
• Castillo de San Marcos
• La Purisima Mission
• Magnolia Lane Plantation
• Birdcage Theater
• Eastern State Penitentiary
• Moon River Brewery
• Ancient Ram Inn

Season 3
Start: October 30, 2009
End: January 22, 2010

• Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum LIVE (Halloween Special Episode)
• Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum LIVE: Post Mortem (Special Highlights Episode)
• Pennhurst State School and Hospital
• Poveglia Island
• Ohio State Reformatory
• Remington Arms Factory
• Washoe Club and Chollar Mine
• Linda Vista Hospital
• Execution Rocks Lighthouse
• Prospect Place
• Clovis Wolfe Manor
• Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum LIVE: The Cutdown (Special Behind the Scenes Episode)
• Poveglia Island Special (Special Episode with 30 minutes of additional footage)

Season 4
Start: September 10, 2010
End: June 10, 2011

• Best Evidence (Compilation Special Episode)
• Scariest Moments (Compilation Special Episode)
• Gettysburg
• Rolling Hills Asylum
• Return to Bobby Mackey's Music World
• Waverly Hills Sanatorium
• Stanley Hotel
• Hill View Manor
• Vulture Mine
• USS Hornet
• La Palazza Mansion
• Fort Chaffee
• Amargosa Opera House
• Old Fort Erie
• Villisca Axe Murder House
• Kell's Irish Pub
• Pico House Hotel
• Return to Goldfield Hotel
• Bonnie Springs Ranch
• Longfellow's Wayside Inn (Valentine's Day Special Episode)
• Salem Witch House
• Jerome Grand Hotel
• Yorktown Hospital
• Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum
• Sacramento Tunnels
• Hales Bar Marina and Dam
• Kentucky Slave House
• Tooele Hospital
• Loretta Lynn's Plantation House

Season 5
Start: September 23, 2011
End: December 16, 2011

• Ashmore Estates
• Mizpah Hotel
• Old Town San Diego
• Winchester Mystery House
• Lizzie Borden House
• Letchworth Village
• Return to Virginia City
• Rocky Point Manor
• Rose Hall
• Old Charleston Jail

Season 6
Start: February 24, 2012
End: July 20, 2012

• Horror Hotels and Deadliest Hospitals (Compilation Special Episode)
• Wickedest Women, Houses of Terror and Bloodiest Battlefields (Compilation Special Episode)
• Shanghai Tunnels
• Peabody-Whitehead Mansion
• Copper Queen Hotel and The Oliver House
• The National Hotel
• Return to Linda Vista Hospital
• The Galka Family
• The Riviera Hotel
• Hellfire Caves (Special Episode)
• Fort Horsted (Special Episode)

Season 7
Start: September 14, 2012
End: April 19, 2013

• Central Unit Prison
• Excalibur Nightclub
• Point Sur Lighthouse
• The Palmer House Hotel
• Black Moon Manor
• Sedamsville Rectory
• Cripple Creek
• Dead Men Walking (Compilation Special Episode)
• Brookdale Lodge
• Tor House
• Union Station
• Death By Wild West (Compilation Special Episode)
• Crazy Town
• Clinically Dead (Compilation Special Episode)
• Killer Nightlife (Compilation Special Episode)
• Do Not Disturb (Compilation Special Episode)
• Home Sweet Hell (Compilation Special Episode)
• Wyoming Frontier Prison
• Sailors' Snug Harbor
• Passport to Hell (Compilation Special Episode)
• Dungeons and Demons (Compilation Special Episode)
• Bewitched and Bothered (Compilation Special Episode)
• Obsessions and Possessions (Compilation Special Episode)
• New Orleans
• Market Street Cinema
• Armies of Darkness (Compilation Special Episode)
• First Timers (Compilation Special Episode)
• Goldfield Hotel Redemption
• Glen Tavern Inn
• King's Tavern

Season 8
Start: August 16, 2013
End: November 15, 2013

• Pioneer Saloon
• Black Swan Inn
• Tuolumne Hospital
• Missouri State Prison
• Yost Theater and Ritz Hotel
• Haunted Victorian Mansion
• Up Close and Personal (Compilation Special Episode)
• Exorcist House
• Alcatraz
• Mustang Ranch
• Thornhaven Manor
• Transylvania (Halloween Special Episode)
• Battle of Perryville

Season 9
Start: February 15, 2013
End: July 12, 2013

• Sharon Tate Ghost
• The Myrtles Plantation
• George Washington Ghost
• Bannack Ghost Town
• Fear Factory
• Heritage Junction
• Battle of Los Angeles
• Netherworld: Paris Catacombs (Special Episode featuring only Zak, aired in the middle of the season)
• St. James Hotel
• Fox Hollow Farm
• Haunted Savannah
• Overland Hotel and Saloon
• Old Licking County Jail

Season 10
Start: October 4, 2014
End: March 7, 2015

• Queen Mary
• Lemp Mansion and Brewery
• Zozo Demon (Nick's last regular episode)
• Island of the Dolls (in the og edit it was mentioned Nick couldn't make it for filming)
• Ireland's Celtic Demons (Halloween Special Episode, Nick's last appearance as part of the GAC)
• Bell Witch Caves (new intro, Jay and Bill introduced as permanent GAC investigators)
• Sallie House
• Nopeming Sanatorium
• Apache Junction
• Return to Tombstone
• Demons in Seattle
• Texas Horror Hotel

Season 11
Start: August 22, 2015
End: November 7, 2015

• Edinburgh Manor
• Old Montana State Prison
• Manresa Castle
• Old Lincoln County Hospital
• Haunted Harvey House
• Los Coches Adobe
• Grand Canyon Caverns
• Haunted Hollywood
• Odd Fellows Asylum
• Clown Motel and Goldfield High School
• Deadwood: City of Ghosts (Halloween Special Episode)
• Lava Hotel Springs Inn

Season 12
Start: January 30, 2016
End: August 6, 2016

• Black Dahlia House
• Secret Scientology Lab
• Bracken Fern Manor
• Return to the Riviera
• Chinese Town of Locke
• Star of India
• Leslie's Family Tree Restaurant
• Hell Hole Prison
• The Domes
• Nevada State Prison
• Return to Winchester Mystery House
• Stardust Ranch
• The Haunted Museum

Season 13
Start: September 24, 2016
End: January 14, 2017

• Colorado Gold Mine
• Mackay Mansion
• Palace Saloon
• Reseda House of Evil
• Dorothea Puente Murder House
• Route 666 (Halloween Special Episode)
• Hotel Metlen
• St. Ann's Retreat
• Twin Bridges Orphanage
• Dumas Brothel
• Zalud House
• Dakota's Sanatorium of Death
• De Soto Hotel and Concordia Cemetery (Spliced Part 1 of the Route 666 Halloween Special)
• Goatman's Bridge (Spliced Part 2 of the Route 666 Halloween Special)

Season 14
Start: March 25, 2017
End: July 15, 2017

• Stone Lion Inn
• Freak Show Murder House
• Samaritan Cult House
• Double Eagle Restaurant
• Silent Movie Theater
• Exorcism in Erie
• Skinwalker Canyon
• Upper Fruitland Curse
• Witches in Magna
• The Viper Room
• Asylum 49

Season 15
Start: September 23, 2017
End: January 13, 2018

• Golden Ghost Town
• Ogden Possession
• Haunting of Vicksburg: Mcraven Mansion (Special Episode)
• Haunting of Vicksburg: Demons and Dolls (Special Episode)
• Haunting of Vicksburg: Spirits Under Siege (Special Episode)
• Haunting of Vicksburg: Champion Hill Battlefield (Special Episode)
• Museum of Madness (Halloween Special Episode)
• Annabelle's Curse (Halloween Special Episode)
• Albion Normal School
• Museum of the Mountain West
• Pythian Castle
• The Titanic Museum
• Wolf Creek Inn
• Eureka Mining Town
• Sin City Exorcism
• Phelps Dodge Hospital
• The Slaughter House

Season 16
Start: March 24, 2018
End: July 14, 2018

• Ripley's Believe It or Not
• The Alley of Darkness
• Kennedy Mine
• Old Gila County Jail and Courthouse
• Hotel Leger
• Enchanted Forest
• The Washoe Club Final Chapter
• Lewis Flats School
• Kay's Hollow

Season 17
Start: October 6, 2018
End: January 12, 2019

• Graveyard of the Pacific: Astoria Underground (Special Episode)
• Graveyard of the Pacific: Norblad Hostel (Special Episode)
• Graveyard of the Pacific: Commander's House (Special Episode)
• Graveyard of the Pacific: Cape Disappointment (Special Episode)
• The Haunted Museum LIVE (Halloween Special Episode)
• Idaho State Reform School
• Westerfield House
• Crisis in Oakdale
• Tintic Mining District
• Terror in Fontana
• Riverside Plane Graveyard
• Curse of the River Bend: Mineral Springs Hotel (Special Episode)
• Curse of the River Bend: McPike Mansion (Special Episode)

Season 18
Start: February 23, 2019
End: July 20, 2019

• Gates of Hell House
• Palomino Club
• Lutes Casino
• Melrose Hotel
• Binions Hotel and Casino
• The Woodbury
• Crescent Hotel
• St. Ignatius Hospital
• Mount Wilson Ranch
• Panic in Amarillo
• Union Hotel
• Idaho State Tuberculosis Hospital
• A Haunting in Scottsdale

Season 19
Start: October 5, 2019

• Serial Killer Spirits: H. H. Holmes Murder House (Special Episode)
• Serial Killer Spirits: John Gacy Prison (Special Episode)
• Serial Killer Spirits: Axe Killer Jail" (Special Episode)
• Serial Killer Spirits: Ted Bundy Ritual House (Special Episode)
• Curse of the Harrisville Farmhouse (Halloween Special Episode)
• Albion Castle
• Cerro Gordo Ghost Town
• Pasadena Ritual House
• Horror in Biggs
• Franklin Castle
• Union Brewery of Death
• Nightmare in Antelope
• Goodwin Home Invasion
• Haunted Hollow Forest
• The Chinatown Poltergeist
• Beneath the Bonanza

Junk bonds are bonds issued by companies with poor credit ratings, such as CCC, as opposed to investment-grade bonds that are issued by companies with a AAA credit rating.

Chronology

• 1946 = Michael Milken is born in Encino, California.
• 1957 = wrote a letter to President Eisenhower saying he wanted to lead the nation into space.
• 1968 = graduated from the University of Berkeley magna cum laude with a degree in finance.
• 1969 = gets married to his high school sweetheart.
• 1970 = receives an MBA from Wharton Business school, according to Milken he had the highest grades ever achieved at the school. Starts working for an investment firm called Drexel that would soon merge and be known as Drexel Burnham.
• 1976 = made $5 million ($23 million in 2020 dollars) from Drexel Burnham.
• 1977 = buys his current home in Encino, California that cost $587,500 (over $2.5 million in 2020 dollars). 7 bedrooms. over 7,000 square feet. Milken and the Drexel Burnham firm began to underwrite junk bonds.
• 1978 = moved his trading desk from New York to his hometown of Los Angeles, bringing about 20 traders with him. Milken stayed on the NYC schedule while in Los Angeles, waking up at 3am and working from 4:30am to 7:30pm.
• 1979 = First Predator's Ball, a financial conference hosted by Milken that continues to the present with over 3,500 people from over 50 nations attending.
• 1981 = by this time, Drexel Burnham is issuing over 60% of junk bonds in America. Milken committed to buy or sell junk bonds that Drexel Burnham had underwritten, offering liquidity and security to the market. This allowed for junk bonds to be more accurately priced and it brought new customers and their money into Milken’s junk bond market.
• 1982 = started the Milken Family Foundation with his brother Lowell Milken as a tax shelter.
• 1986 = There are more companies issuing junk bonds than investment-grade bonds. Drexel Burnham became the leading investment bank in America. Milken made $296 million ($698 million in 2020 dollars) from Drexel Burnham.
• 1987 = made $550 million ($1.25 billion in 2020 dollars) from Drexel Burnham.
• 1988 = Drexel Burnham launches an internal investigation into Milken and uncovers a shadow entity called MacPherson Partners that was engaging in suspicious financial activity. Drexel Burnham pleads guilty to 6 counts of stock parking and stock manipulation. Milken leaves Drexel Burnham to start his own firm.
• 1989 = indicted by Rudy Giuliani and charged with 98 counts of financial crimes which included insider trading, securities fraud, stock parking, and racketeering.
• 1990 = pleads guilty to 6 charges of criminal violation of securities laws and is ordered by the SEC to pay a $200 million fine plus $400 million to defrauded investors. Additional Milken has to pay a civil lawsuit settlement of $500 million to Drexel’s private investors who lost money after his crimes caused the firm to go bankrupt.
• 1992 = his jail sentence is reduced from 10 years to 2 years and Milken is released from prison after serving 22 months. After paying over $1 billion in fines, Milken still has a fortune of $2.5 billion ($4.6 billion in 2020 dollars).
• 1993 = diagnosed with prostate cancer and given 18 months to live. Milken, with the help of his money, beats the odds and his cancer has been in remission for over 25 years. Buys a vacation in Lake Tahoe for $8 million ($14.3 million in 2020 dollars) and then tears down the house and builds a new house.
• 1998 = paid $47 million to settle SEC claims he had violated his lifetime ban from the industry.
• 2009 = Milken buys his daughter an $8.75 million mansion in Beverly Hills.
• 2011 = bought a house in Malibu for $13.75 million.
• 2013 = committed another violation of his lifetime ban from the securities industry by loaning a senior executive at a financial firm $50 million.
• 2014 = George Washington University named its public health school after Milken because of his donation of $50 million.
• 2019 = bought a Beverly Hills Mansion for $19 million cash.

His Crimes

The junk bond scheme:

1. Milken controlled both sides of the deal, he controlled both the lenders and the borrowers.
2. he controlled the lenders because he controlled a huge network of federally insured Savings and Loan banks, reputable insurance companies, and junk bond funds.
3. so Milken would then raise money from his network of lenders to buy junk bonds from a junk company (borrower), with the promise that the junk company will use some of that capital to buy junk bonds from other junk companies (borrowers) in Milken’s junk bond empire. This inflated the demand for the junk bonds.
4. junk bonds yielded Milken a high commission, and Milken would also get equity in the junk companies that he had just financed with capital.

Junk bonds financed corporate raiders, and information about those takeover bids was improperly shared, creating criminal insider trading opportunities.
Milken often tried to get as much as five times the maximum markup on trades that was permitted at the time.
Milken’s friend and business associate, Ivan Boesky:

1. Ivan Boesky’s conviction of insider trading in 1986 is what lead to Milken’s downfall.
2. Milken had substantial business dealings with Boesky.
3. the first lead into Milken’s crimes was a payment of $5.3 million by Ivan Boesky to Drexel Burnham listed as a consultation fee. Boesky told the SEC this payment was for Milken’s profits form an illegal trade.
4. Boesky implicated milked in insider trading, stock manipulation, fraud, and stock parking.

Milken’s shadow entity, MacPherson Partners:

1. Drexel’s internal investigation discovered suspicious activity in one of the limited partnerships Milken had set up to allow members of his department to make their own investments called MacPherson Partners.
2. Members of MacPherson Partners included: Milken, other Drexel Burnham executives, a few high value Drexel Bernham customers, as well as a few managers of money market funds - all friends of Milken.
3. MacPherson Partners acquired several stock warrant)s for the stock of Storer Broadcasting in 1985. At the time, the powerful private equity firm KKR was in the midst of a leveraged buyout of Storer Broadcasting, and Drexel Burnham was the lead underwriter for the bonds being issued.
4. One of Drexel Burnham’s other clients bought several Storer Broadcasting warrants and sold them back to the high-yield bond department (controlled by Milken) at Drexel Burnham.
5. Drexel Burnham’s high-yield bond department in turn sold them to MacPherson Partners (also controlled by Milken).
6. Those warrants were then handed out by Milken to members of his family, and the money managers bought the warrants for themselves without notifying the clients of the funds they were managing.
7. By allowing his wealth fund management friends to buy the warrants, Milken was essentially bribing them so they would in turn help him with his junk bond manipulation.

​

His Trial, Conviction and Sentence

During the trial, Milken spent $3 million a month on his legal defense and an expensive public relations firm.
He ultimately pleaded guilty to 3 counts of securities fraud, 2 counts of tax evasion, and 1 count of conspiracy to commit the other 5 crimes.
Milken was ordered by the court to pay a fine of $200 million and to pay $400 million to defrauded investors.
In a separate civil suit Milken had to pay out an additional $500 million to defrauded investors. Sentenced to 2 years for each of the 5 counts of tax and securities fraud for 10 years total.
When the judge read the sentence, Milken misunderstood and thought he had received 2 years total. After his lawyer told him that he was getting 10 years, the blood drained out of Milken’s face, he took his wife into a witness waiting room, closed the door and let out a blood-curdling scream.

Clemency from President Trump

​
On February 18, 2020 Trump granted clemency to Milken, although his lifetime ban from the securities industry is still in effect.
America’s Secretary of the Treasury, Steve Mnuchin, is longtime pals with Milken, and was the prime mover in convincing President Trump to pardon him. Mnuchin has flown on Milken’s private jet.
Another fat cat advocating for Milken was Nelson Peltz, who has raised over $10 million for Trump’s 2020 re-election campaign.
And don’t forget Trump's fattest fat cat, Sheldon Adelson, who also advocated on behalf of Milken.
Many powerful figures in high finance came together to lobby the White House on behalf of Milken, including:

1. Sheldon Adelson: a major Republican donor and Trump supporter, Adelson is the chief executive officer of casino operator Las Vegas Sands Corp.
2. David Bahnsen: a former Morgan Stanley managing director and wealth management executive who wrote Trump in 2017 urging him to pardon Milken, calling the junk bond king’s prosecution a result of “a period of class envy run amok.”
3. Tom Barrack: the chief executive officer and chairman of Colony Capital Inc., Barrack is long-time Trump ally. He faced a call from an investor in November to step down in part over distractions from investigations into his political and personal activities.
4. Rupert Murdoch: a powerful media mogul and longtime Trump ally who put the power of News Corp. behind the president.
5. Maria Bartiromo: a popular anchor on Fox Business, Bartiromo has interviewed Milken as recently as 2018 (and has also interviewed Trump). The network is part of Murdoch’s media empire.
6. Ron Burkle: a billionaire investor who controls Yucaipa Cos., Burkle made his fortune in the grocery-store industry. Burkle, a Democratic fund-raiser famous for his friendship with Bill Clinton, made news last year when he was rumored to be interested in acquiring the Trump-friendly National Enquirer.
7. Elaine Chao: the U.S. Secretary of Transportation, Chao was a key speaker at the Milken Global Conference last year, where she spoke about the future of mobility as well as women in government. She’s married to Republican Senate Majority Leader and top Trump ally Mitch McConnell.
8. Rudy Giuliani: Trump’s personal lawyer, the former New York mayor has lately been embroiled in the Ukraine scandal. As chief federal prosecutor in New York in the 1980s, Giuliani sought to prosecute Milken.
9. Rabbi Marvin Hier: dean of the Simon Wiesenthal Center, Hier was invited by Trump to speak at his inauguration. The rabbi in 2018 called on Trump to fight extremism in the U.S. after a shooting at a synagogue.
10. Ray Irani: chairman and chief executive officer of Ray Investments Ltd. and former CEO of Occidental Petroleum, Irani stepped down as a board member at Wynn Resorts Ltd. following a sexual harassment scandal involving company founder Steve Wynn.
11. Robert Kraft: owner of the New England Patriots and a longtime Trump supporter.
12. Richard LeFrak: a billionaire developer and Republican donor, LeFrak appeared in a 2010 episode of Trump’s reality TV show “The Apprentice.”
13. Randy Levine: the president of the New York Yankees and a longtime supporter of Republican politicians, including Trump.
14. Kevin McCarthy: a Republican congressman from California, McCarthy is the House Minority Leader and a longtime Trump supporter.
15. Larry Mizel: chairman and CEO of home-builder MDC Holdings Inc.
16. Arte Moreno: owner of the Anaheim Angels, which he purchased from The Walt Disney Co. in 2003
17. Sean Parker: Napster co-creator and Facebook Inc. billionaire who has attended the annual Milken Institute Global Conference.
18. John Paulson: founder and owner of Paulson & Co., a New York-based investment adviser that manages about $9 billion, Paulson is best-known for making $15 billion in 2007 on a bet against mortgage bonds.
19. Nelson Peltz: founder and chief executive officer of Trian Fund Management LP, Peltz is well-known as an activist investor in companies like Wendy’s and Dupont.
20. Steven Roth: chairman and chief executive officer of Vornado Realty Trust, a REIT that holds more than 22 million square feet in commercial property, mainly in New York.
21. David Rubenstein: co-chairman and co-founder of The Carlyle Group, a private equity firm with $222 billion in assets under management.
22. Larry Ruvo: senior managing director of Southern Wine & Spirits of Nevada, the state’s largest liquor wholesaler.
23. Marc Stern: the chairman of TCW Group Inc. hosted a $10,000 per person fund-raiser for Trump at his Malibu home in 2018 attended by Vice President Mike Pence.
24. Steven Tananbaum: the founder and chief investment officer of GoldenTree Asset Management LP, one of Wall Street’s biggest investors in distressed debt.
25. Ted Virtue: the chief executive officer of MidOcean Partners, the middle-market private equity and credit firm, who previously oversaw Deutsche Bank AG’s $35 billion direct investment portfolio.
26. Andrew von Eschenbach: a U.S. Food and Drug Administration chief under President George W. Bush, he now serves on the board of Bausch Health Cos.
27. Mark Weinberger: the chairman and CEO of Ernst & Young LLP, Weinberger quit Trump’s business council after the Charlottesville white supremacists rally but later dined with the president.

Conclusion

Milken likes to tell his life story as a smart guy who grew up wanting to be a scientist and lead America in the space race, but after his first year in college the Watts riots happened and it made him rethink his life. After talking with a Black man who told him that he couldn’t get access to capital because he was Black, Milken decided he would dedicate his life to making sure people with ability would have access to capital.
So Milken changed from a science major to finance, went to business school, made $billions on Wall Street all so he could help Black people?
There are plenty of people who in part owe their wealth to Milken and his junk bonds, and these people heap praise on Milken saying he created a lot of wealth in America and helped society tremendously.
The wealth, though, went to those people heaping the praise!
As for the companies Milken financed helping society, it would be difficult to argue that case. The big name companies that were financed by Milken include: CNN, Rupert Murdoch’s empire, Wynn casinos, Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital, etc.
Milken was not helping society, he was helping people on Wall Street get rich.
Government watchdogs are usually too weak to take on the crimes of the super rich, because the government watchdog worker still gets paid whether for not the Wall Street crook gets busted.
There is no incentive to play by the rules.
Milken has done a lot of philanthropic work especially in regards to cancer research with that $2.5 billion he had leftover after getting out of prison, although he hasn’t given away that much money considering his net worth in 2020 is $3.8 billion.
What I find most fascinating about the Milken story is the power of his public relations machine. All the major media outlets cast Milken as a philanthropist and not a criminal.
Another sign of the overwhelming influence of the wealthy on the American zeitgeist.